Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Go out separate ways ?

4 replies

Salsa8680 · 25/05/2025 08:22

Husband has always wanted to buy a property in Spain / Portugal. (We had one for a while in Portugal 2003-2009).

He has told me that he will buy with his son in Spain and obtain residency if his son decides to go there as an IT Nomad.

This is not a plan that I wish to slot in to .

I have suggested that we cannot continue our 22 marriage in this format and we need to seriously consider our future together.

We live in nice area but away from family and friends. His two sons visit infrequently. I do not have children of my own.

Otherwise we have have enjoyed 22 good years.

What would you do as I have suggested we go our own way as we are ageing and I do not wish to leave too late.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 25/05/2025 08:29

If you want different things in the long run then you will separate eventually, so I agree that dealing with it now is better than spending your life with someone who plans to leave.

That's rough after 22 years together. Are you sure there is nowhere in Spain or Portugal you could be happy? It doesn't have to be the perma-tanned costas.

sesquipedalian · 25/05/2025 08:34

If you had a house for a while in Portugal, and that’s what he likes, what happened to that? Were you happy, or was it solely for holidays? If he buys with his sin in Spain, would you still be able to keep your UK property? If you separated, would you still be able to live in a nice area? If you’ve been married for “22 good years”, wouldn’t you miss him? Could you do part of the year in Spain and part in the UK? I don’t think it’s as simple as “He wants to live in Spain and I want to stay here” - marriage is always a compromise, but if neither of you is prepared to accommodate the needs of the other, then inevitably you will go your separate ways.

Endofyear · 25/05/2025 09:21

Well if he's decided he's going to live in Portugal and you've decided you're not, I'd say yes you're heading for separation.

Profpudding · 25/05/2025 09:23

Get the divorce done before he goes to Portugal otherwise it will be a nightmare trying to divorce him when he’s abroad especially if he has everything he wants and no motivation to rip the plaster off

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread