To possibly hold my child back a year in school to catch up

[Daisywoodstr]

Our child started reception as one of the very youngest, if he'd been born 3 weeks later he would be in the year below. He is now finishing Year 2 and I feel like he is struggling a bit to keep up both academically and socially. He really tries but I can see the maturity level is different to most of his friends. I feel because of this he is more susceptible to being picked on, Which ive witnessed , e.g older ones running off on him etc. I would like to explore having him repeat Year 2, possibly at a different school to give him a chance to catch up and mature in line with his peers. It seems still quite early. My brother repeated year 2 due to a mix up with his application he was in the wrong year and it didn't do him any harm, in fact he is very successful.
DH doesn't think this is a good idea and feels he will have more stigma and confidence issues repeating a school year than just letting him continue on as he is. AIBU? Has anyone been in this situation and how did it play out?

It’s almost impossible to do this. I tried to do it and you need really strong evidence such as your child has missed a big chunk of the year due to a very serious illness and even then, I don’t think you could do it without a fight.

Why did you decide against deferral when applying for Reception ?

Have you checked you are able to do this?

An alternative might be to explore the other schools and see if you can find out if their year 2 group have more kids a similar age to your son

I’d probably let him carry on with his peers tbh. He won’t be the only one who is a bit younger in himself than the others and it’ll get less noticeable as he gets older.

there is a trend to keep kids down a year to give them an advantage but someone has to be the youngest.

He also may not thank you when he’s older for making him repeat a year and being almost 17 by the time he leave school. With when my birthday is this was me and I was so done with school by the end that I totally switched off in my last year and massively underachieved. I’d have done so much better had I been in the year below!

but we’re all different so explore it if you like.

I repeated year 8 and it was the best thing that could have happened.

YABU and honestly, it sounds like you're projecting your own anxieties onto your kid. Children aren't sourdough starters—you can't just pop them back a year to 'mature' longer and expect them to rise better the second time around. Life isn’t perfectly fair, and being the youngest in the class is something millions of kids deal with just fine. If anything, holding him back could teach him that when things get hard, you just quit and try again later. Great life lesson, right?

You’re not raising a porcelain doll—kids are resilient. Instead of uprooting him and labelling him "not ready" forever in his mind, how about working on his confidence and giving him tools to cope? Honestly, if this is the hill you’re choosing to die on, I’d be more worried about your maturity level than his

Just saying.

Im regretting it now, we were reassured by nursery staff he was ready to start and we'd be doing him a disservice keeping him back

I did this years ago for my dd and it was easy to do the school agreed and it was ok. It wasn’t a massive deal and helped her.

In these circumstances if it's possible to do I would. If it's a different school there won't be any stigma, the children won't know any different.

Can I ask what year she was when she repeated? I do worry if he sees his friends in the year above it may be harder for him which is why moving schools may help the transition?

Yeah thats what we are hoping, new start somewhere different

From a quick google search it seems that it’s at the heads/ governing body’s discretion.

I’m a senior leader in a school and from my experience, a lot of summer born children are noticeably younger in Key stage 1 but by the time they get to mid year 3 - year 4, you would never know the difference.

It depends on his current experience of school. Does he hate his class? Does he have friends? Does he want to move school?

My son has missed the majority of Year 3 and just started back at school after Easter in Year 4 so has missed the majority of this school year too. All due to a very serious illness in which he very nearly died and is now disabled.

He still isn't able to repeat Year 4. I was the one who brought it up, I don't think they would have otherwise.

I think you have very little chance of them agreeing.

I'm really sorry about your son, that's terrible and im shocked his school is not more accommodating, hopefully you can get some support

My son does enjoy school most days and has a little group of friends, he has spoken about these friends not always being kind to him and ive spoken to the teacher about this. In terms of schools there is a private one near us I am hoping my be a bit more flexible

Have you spoken to school about this? Because I’ve never heard of it being allowed in circumstances you describe. If they aren’t deferred from the start of reception, and there aren’t very significant SEN or extenuating circumstances I’d be amazed if a school would entertain the idea.

Even if the school would agree there is absolutely no way I’d do it at the same school - you can’t think that watching all his friends move up to y3 while he stays behind with children he knows are younger is going to do his self esteem any favours?

And I’d want a cast iron assurance he could move to secondary at the same stage as his new class - so it’s not just a school you need to convince, you need the LA to agree as well.

Adding some support as my daughter is August and whilst I was really pleased as saved a whole year childcare vs a September born, it’s actually so hard on her. As my first I had no idea. She loves school, but refuses to read. In reception currently and teacher has flagged all along her struggles but expected her to catch up (her child is summer born so has parent experience too). We have concluded it is best to repeat. With a willing child and lots of at home intervention things are ok. I am a single parent and work 50+ hours a week and my daughter will not try at home, point blank refuses to engage, so it is best for her and our situation to repeat. Had a random conversation with a parent whose daughter is many years ahead but they said she is consistently behind. Made the decision easier for me. Oh and my brother did it and it was best thing ever for him so for me I can’t justify not doing it. Wish you all the best.

They don't believe it would be in his best interests. I can see their point, he is happy to be with his friends and I doubt his reaction to moving to the year below would be a positive one but he has missed so much school that I'm afraid he's never going to catch up.

It's a very tough situation.

Repeating reception is quite different from repeating year two with regards to the child’s awareness of what is happening.

OPs son would likely be quite upset at his friends going up without him and him having to stay behind. OP if you’re going to pursue it I would look into changing schools. The private one has more chance of allowing it. From your description he doesn’t sound significantly behind, just a bit young for his age, as most summer born boys will in key stage 1. There’s every chance he will catch up over the next few years and do just fine.

You shouldn't have much of an issue doing this if you go private.

If you can move him schools and send him private then in this instance I'd say it's in his best interest and would really help him.

Repeating in the same school could wind up a disaster and he could be relentlessly bullied for year and told it's because he's 'thick' - which isn't the case but it's got the potential to have a hugely detrimental impact on him.

I don't fancy your chances being able to talk another state primary to allow him to repeat a year but you can but try. A decent letter from the head in support and a school/local authority willing to do something different and if they have spaces - it could work out just fine.

If you’re paying privately you can definitely do this. We had a significant number of children stay back a year.

I'm sure an independent school would support this if you have the funds or are eligible for a bursary.

Ive accepted we will probably have to pay privately at least for a few years

It doesn't seem to be a common thing in England. We are abroad and DS is repeating Year 2. It's mostly because he's moved from an independent (English-speaking) school to a state school and they are obviously teaching in the local language. This should help him catch up with that. He's aware of what's happening but since he's also moved schools at the same time, it wasn't such a big deal. It helps that most of the kids in his new class are the older part of the cohort and several are quite tall. He's also not the only one repeating.
I've told him that it's just about the language in his case.