To want to watch Handmaid's Tale, Dr Who etc Need a reality check please

[Ineedtocheckmylist]

I love Sci Fi - Dr Who etc. I also want to watch Handmaid's Tale.etc

DH hates Sci-fi Dr who etc. OK Fine I can go with that.

He also has objections to Handmaid's Tale & similar series (Brightherton for example) telling me that he doesn't understand how, as I've been subject to DA how I can stomach it. For context he's very angry as I've told him about what I've suffered from previous partner & how the injuries bear the scars from previous abuse & they still have an on-going impact on me - physically and mentally.

But, tonight, he was watering garden, I was watching Handmaid's Tale on Catch Up. He came back into living room, it was on & he asked why I would want to watch a programme based on abuse of women considering my experiences. I was taken on back foot & just said if you don't want to watch it, OK I'll watch it when you not around & turned it off.

But I'm now thinking this is insidious controlling behaviour. Or am I being oversensitive having been in an abusive controlling relationship in the past?

Please be gentle with me as I'm feeling rather vulnerable ATM for different reasons that I think would muddy the waters if I put them on this post.

Why does he think that he has to understand it?

I don’t think anyone can understand a lot of situations until they have experienced them. You don’t have to justify what you want to watch on TV. To be frank, I think he is trying to control you. He doesn’t want to watch it so he’s telling you it’s wrong for you to watch it.

I feel like we need more detail on his behaviour generally but from what you've described here, it sounds as though he might find watching something like the handmaid's tale emotionally triggering for him and that he struggles to understand how it isn't for you.

If this is the case then you should be able to resolve the matter with a conversation in which you both listen to each other and accept your differing viewpoints. The end result being that he stop challenging you when you watch it.

If he's being controlling then it won't matter what you want to do, or what your reasoning is,he won't be able to accept any viewpoint but his own.

He doesn't have to understand your viewpoint, although it would help, its enough for him to listen and to accept it.

It depends a bit on how it was asked. Was he meaning "why would you want to" clearly meaning "you should not, I do not want you to" or could he have been meaning "I know you have been through hell, I want to understand how to help you and it seems strange to me that you would watch women going through hell as a leisure activity"

The reason why of course is that one of the ways we processour trauma is by hearing the stories of other women, and learning how each of us found the strength to survive

Thank you - we need to discuss it. He's very protective. I need to use crutches because of the damage to my spine that was caused when I was beaten up by my ex. I also have bowel problems because I was anally raped.

But that was 20 years ago. I am a different woman & very strong & independent. DH & me have our own houses opposite each other.

It was in the context of why would you want to watch this programme about abuse of women given what you have been put through.

We have since discussed this. This evening I've said that he has no right to censure what I watch. He get's this & apologetic. He's very protective of me & I've reminded him that I'm a Big Gril who can look after herself - I did so for many years before I met him.

I'm currently doing a PhD looking into the portrayal of domestic abuse in 19th Cent literature. I've pointed out to him that I'm re-reading Bronte sisters, Elizabeth Gaskell novels & others again & again & it's a kind of therapy for me.

He get's this, but still says he's so angry at what that Bastard did to me.

Totally it was in the context of 'you've been through hell why would you want to.' I've discussed with him the reasons for my PhD & he's very supportive & proud of me turning something negative into a <hopefully> positive. He says how he's looking forward to having a Dr in the house. Allbeit not a medial one. 😂

That sounds like a really positive discussion @Ineedtocheckmylist

I'm not surprised he is both protective & finds it difficult to understand why you would want to watch THT, you've clearly been through hell and I am so sorry for it and the injuries you've suffered.

He sounds like a good man :)

You don't need his permission to watch what you want on TV.