Is this unreasonable between a husband wife? Over a argument/conflict

[4658Lou]

I really don’t know where this based on. I’m a faithful wife my faithfullness is not it has never not been in question. But every day things are being made out that I am lying and I’m being pressed to admit things even though I know in my heart is untrue for example:
I ate moldy bread and I felt abit off certainly did feel up to what ever it was either under weather or maybe the moldy bread made me feel off and we had to cancel a dinner reservation it’s revealed that my partner/husband doesn’t believe this and that I lied about it. That I lied about little things like being up with the baby during the night and if he isn’t loud then I must not been truthful? It’s over things like this. This was on a back of argument I was trying to do the cleaning for a house sale viewing and my partner/husband came to me about a planned family holiday and I was just trying to get everything done not a good time and I was complaining about not being able to find this cleaning item and I was getting frustrated and because I didn’t listen fully listen about the holiday plans he said I was being disrespectful I said out loud “where is that fu**ing cleaning pole and he said it was disrespect that’s were it started from and then all this stuff has come about not trusting me with saying the above and even about rearranging appointments etc.
any advice?

The relationship hasn’t been 100 percent since my baby came along and just turned 18 months

Bump x

I have a hard time understanding your post..

What's with all the rambling posts that don't make hardly any sense at the minute?

OP, you’re obviously upset but it’s making your post difficult to understand. Is you’re DH constantly saying you’re lying? As in, you said I was up twice with the toddler last night be he claims you’re making it up?

I got a bit lost with mouldy breading, dinner and cheating bit.

OP sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like your partner is often accusing you of lying or being disrespectful but that’s not true and this has got worse since your child was born?

What is your set up like? Are you a stay at home mum, do you work outside the home also?

Is he a helpful and engaged father? Does he also get up in the night for your child? Do housework?

Ahhh ok sorry it’s rambling! Maybe I’m just upset I don’t know how to describe what’s upsetting except that at the moment x

I understood fine, I would not put up with it

Yes basically there was an argument of me showing disrespect when husband was trying to show me family holiday things and I was cleaning on my own getting ready for a house viewing and I was getting annoyed that I couldn’t find my cleaning stuff / pole to do some cleaning with it and I did say frustratingly ‘where is the fu*ing pole’ at the situation because I was trying to listen but then trying to get ready for this house viewer coming to view the house we have up for sale I guess I was getting annoyed with the situation? Anyway he really felt disrespected over that as I wasn’t listening and then an argument happened and it’s been revealed in the argument that started off like this that my husband think I’m lying about things like I ate a piece of moldy bread and felt sick and if I got up with the baby during the night if my husband hasn’t heard him so therefore maybe was lying. (sometimes baby just wakes up and wants to play he won’t cry sometimes he does cry). He’s saying I’m making up little lies and I don’t know were this has come from at all I’m a faithful wife it’s nothing to do with cheating or anything like that there has been nothing like that in the relationship so it’s dept upset me knowing I haven’t done these things that he says I had lied about. I’m sorry it sounds confusing because I can’t make sense of it either that an argument starts about husband thinking I’m being disrespectful then it turns out later on he thinks I’m lying about things so it’s hard to convey that on a post, plus I’m upset so probably speaking gibberish x

Yes I am stay at home mum returning to work next month though.

Husband will play with baby and bring him bed etc. I do all house work, cooking and cleaning and all baby care like baths, meals etc.

Sorry that should read ‘so it’s deeply upset me knowing I haven’t done these things’

People who accuse you of something with no basis are often projecting. I was in a marriage where I got accused of things I’d never done. It was horrible. I’m not sure there’s any coming back from this. There’s no way to defend yourself against false accusations. Alarm bell that things have deteriorated since you had the baby too.

Of course it's upsetting to be accused of lying about things when you haven't. The things he's accusing you of lying about seem like petty little things, why would you lie about them anyway? It sounds like he is not treating you very nicely OP, is this new behaviour or has he always been like this?

I just don’t understand why this is being brought up now nothing has ever been brought up like this and it’s so strange because the argument started about disrespect I wasn’t listening to him while trying to clean.
Sure everyone lies, don’t they? I can’t say about my whole relationships with people that I have never lied (white lies). For example, I admitted I’m trying Botox, which I didn’t want anyone to know about at all I guess that was just a personal thing, whenni have bought something in the past have I said it was on on sale, but maybe really it was full priced haha it sounds funny, but I guess those are white lies? I’m accused of that I didn’t eat moldy bread and did not feel unwell it was because I lied to get out of dinner arrangements that were made to go out- even though I really did it black
moldy bread I just don’t have evidence of that so how do I say that- He’s saying I’m lying about getting up with the baby, but when it does happen it sure does feel like im up at 2am and not a lie Lol. My baby is a very good sleeper in general, but sometimes will wake up and just want to play, so he won’t scream or cry. He will just be awake for an hour then go back to sleep. Sometimes baby does make a fuss and will cry so when baby isn’t crying obviously my husband thinks I’m lying next day that im abit tired if he didn’t hear baby then it didn’t happen! It sounds daft, I know, but I’m trying to get my head around were this has come from, hence why I said no issues of mistrust in the relationship, like being unfaithful or anything of that nature. I’m reiterating myself I know - however, just trying to be clear what I'm being accused of it seems to me such silly things and literally out of nowhere. Like why

whenni- was a typo lol that should be the word ‘when’

I don't really understand the initial problem. Is communication bad between you?

Surely you can say that you're busy and will listen to the holiday plans when you've finished. Wasn't this possible?

People who accuse you of lying don't like you very much and are trying to undermine you. Ask him why he's so resentful.

Husband said he was paying for this holiday and I should have been listening to him and yet I was more frustrated about cleaning and finding a cleaning pole I was trying to listen I should of just said so that clearly it can be seen I’m very busy and can’t stop to talk about this right now I only had a couple of hours or so before the baby came home from grandmas to get the cleaning done to get it ready for our house viewer and we have a big house so 2 hours is nothing really haha (house is for sale).
yes sounds plausible I should of just said so but I was getting frustrated with the cleaning this were this disrespectful comment came from so I was more bothered about the cleaning and finding my cleaning pole than listening to all these fab things husband had planned for the holiday. I guess I was stressed I don’t think you think clearly when stressed I’m thinking that now why couldn’t I have just said can we speak later about it, I wish I had now obviously 😩

Me not listening and being disrespectful was the initial problem, I did say ‘where is that fu*cking pole’ while trying to clean and listen and find what was missing. Never did find that cleaning pole 😅 it was for to clean under the beds so I had to order another one haha

Oh and apart from that and these lies husband thinks i say I’m always talking about illnesses for example I came back from the doctors with extreme low iron last week it went below the charts it should be like 150 and mine is like 8/9 haha and I have slow heart rate and had preeclampsia last year with my pregnancy so I’m still medicated for that I’m on blood pressure tablets my blood pressure medication changed to Ramipril after the baby and im being told for now by doctor to stay on them . I mean I have been feeling unwell maybe I’ve been mentioning it too much and it’s ticking Him off

I would guess it has something to do with you going back to work.

Or maybe not going back to work? As I haven’t worked I’ve been home with the baby

I am returning to work but it’s not all sorted yet he seems encouraging to go back to work so unless he isn’t telling the truth I would of thought from the things he says he wants me to go back. Without going into very much detail but I have inheritance I’m not a stay at home mother with no money I have my own money to contribute and I do contribute

That’s very messed up that he accuses you of lying about health issues. And being tired from being up in the night with the baby. It makes it seem like he doesn’t want to acknowledge when you’re not well or struggling or not on ‘top form’. Have you actually asked him why he thinks you would be lying?

I take it if he accuses you of lying for having low iron for example he also doesn’t accept the impact of having low iron (being knackered)? Could this be the root of it? If he accepts you’re not well he might have to do more and give more support? Because he doesn’t sound very supportive at all. As for you apparently being disrespectful to him when he was trying to discuss a holiday whole you were cleaning for a viewing in your joint house - why wasn’t he also cleaning or helping to look for the cleaning pole?? If he had time to be discussing holiday issues surely he had time to help prepare for the house viewing?

I understood you fine. He likes to keep you on the back foot and for you to doubt what you know is true. He wants you confused and compliant, and to stay in line, plus you must listen to him and respect him at all times.

It's common for abuse to start when a baby arrives. This is not a normal, respectful and equal relationship. A decent husband would have mucked in with the cleaning, would be concerned about your health issues and want to share both the physical, mental and emotional load. A decent husband would not accuse you of lying.

Stop trying to figure him out. It won’t work. If he rationally believes you lie about everything to get some advantage then you should end the relationship because “lying” and “advantage “ are not healthy concepts in a good relationship.

If he is lying to upset you, insult you, control you, confuse you then you should also end the relationship because that is abusive behavior on his part.

If my dh ever accused me of lying to him I would leave. Flat out leave. Because I am a truthful person and it would be intolerable to be with someone who thought so poorly of me.

The fact that your husband doesn’t believe you about your child crying at night sounds to me that he just doesn’t trust you to tell the truth.

If my husband said he didn’t want to go out to dinner because he had eaten black mouldy bread and wasn’t feeling well, I would find it hard to believe him.

Perhaps he is aware of the “white lies” you have told in the past. Personally, I wouldn’t call lying about Botox or the price of things “white lies”. Your husband may also think they are quite big things to lie about.