DH Help when child is unwell

[MissEloiseBridgerton]

My 3 year old is very much a mummy's boy. Loves his Dad but I am ultimately the default parent.

DS3 was up all last night with a sickness bug, which means I have also been up all night. Eventually getting into bed with him at 4, dozing on and off until 6 when we got up. DH was working until midnight last night.

At 7am, I couldn't keep my eyes open. Went to swap with DH for an hour nap, then it was our DD7 swimming lesson at 8.30. He took her to that, and I stayed at home stuck under still vomiting DS

They get home at 11ish after being out shopping all morning. He sorts out her lunch then huffs about doing the dishes and sitting on the toilet so long I thought he'd actually left the house. I am still stuck under 3 year old. I have not showered, eaten or drank anything. At no point did DH offer or check I was ok, or even check DS was ok. Then he decided he was taking DD to the cinema so off they went again. No offer of swapping so I could go, and have a break. No offer to get me a drink or anything.

They got home, he sorted out DD dinner, refused to make us any then took himself upstairs for a nap!!!! I'm still stuck under DS. Who has continuously vomited into a bowl all afternoon, he's roasting hot, miserable wee soul. I've cleaned up, sanitised, I've bathed DS, washed all the bedding and towels I've used and now put him to bed. All the while, DH is napping. He's going to work again at 7.30, until midnight. A choice he made to do extra, no one asked. He also cancelled his hobby today as I had wanted to spend a day together as a family but obviously sickness bug has quashed those plans. Which I know he is annoyed about but can't really be helped. But you'd think he's had the hardest day ever, he's barely speaking, won't even hug me, he actually pushed me away this morning when I went in for a hug. Obviously won't bother making dinner now, and we had planned that he would cook tonight before work, a recipe that he chose and I bought the stuff for.

I feel absolutely rotten, completely taken advantage of, unloved, lonely. I don't know if I'm just tired and unreasonable, or if his behaviour isn't fair. I honestly could pack a bag and leave tonight I feel so sad.

Sorry you've had such a tough day. Superficially it does look like you could be laying it on a bit thick - you could have got yourself a drink and some food. It sounds like your partner has done his share of parenting today and while he could've been more supportive "being stuck under" a three year old sounds mostly like sitting on the sofa watching telly and cuddling a child.

I could have, and did get myself a quick lunch while DS napped on the sofa. And yes I did do a lot of sitting on the sofa but it was kids TV, and constantly vomiting/cleaning up/soothing/making sure he has drank something etc. Not an easy chill on the sofa day

Sorry I tend to agree, it sounds like your husband has done a good job of parenting your other child whilst balancing work as well. It’s rotten having a sick child but there are always opportunities to grab a drink/sandwich. Hope your little one feels better soon!

I agree with this

It sounds like you’re already not happy in this relationship and this is the icing on the cake?

I think his actions up until the nap were ok but his attitude about it is pretty shitty and if anyone needed a nap it was you

It sounds like he's done well to keep your other child happy and entertained, you said that your son is mummys boy so it makes more sense that you care for him as he's sick rather than you going to the cinema, makes sense he has a nap before going to work late too. It sounds like you wanted him to consider you though, but what if you asked him to get you something to eat or a drink, or asked him to watch your son so you could shower?

Not sure I’d want to hug someone covered in vomit either, I have to say 🫣

I actually don’t think he’s done too badly - he’s basically done child while you do the other, which makes sense.

You sound like you encourage your son to be a mummy's boy so maybe he just thought he'd leave the 2 of you to it. I wouldn't hug you either as if it's rotovirus or norovirus you will almost certainly have it now. He did his share and you don't need to contact nap constantly surely?

Sorry your son is unwell but it sounds appropriate that your husband had a divide and conquer attitude and you could have been snoozing on and off between sickness. Hope your wee one is better soon and you avoid getting it too though.

Why couldn’t you use your words OP? Say right I will take DD swimming, you can sort DS for a bit.
Agree with PP, sounds like you encourage DS to be a mummy’s boy.

I'm sorry you had a tough day and I hope your lad feels better soon, but I honestly don't see where your husband erred.

Your H kept one kid out of the way all day. Not sure what he's done wrong.

Surprised at these responses! Are PP really saying that if their DH was looking after sick child all day, they wouldn’t pop their head in to see how he was getting on/ offer to swap / offer to bring food and drink?! If so, you’re all in pretty crsp relationships!

not exactly the same but I’m exclusively breastfeeding our newborn atm so doing most of his care and DH is mostly looking after our toddler, keeping her busy etc, but if either of us hears the other kid crying we check in to see if we can help/ swap for a bit etc. Why can’t OP’s DH do the same? Not the reaction of a loving spouse at all!

OP YANBU. Will you bring it up with him when DS is over the worst of it? Is this usual behaviour from DH? If so, a serious chat is needed about his commitment to the relationship.

hope DS gets better very soon

So you’ve got a potentially contagious sickness bug. Your oh has worked, came home, cancelled his hobby he was meant to do for today, and then looked after your well child all day, including making dinner and taking them to the cinema, before having a nap, before working into the early hours again, and you’ve sat on the couch with a poorly child all day to the point you apparently couldn’t spend 45 seconds getting yourself a glass of of water? What hours do you work?

Agree with others your DH has done nothing wrong here. If you wanted to swap kids you could have told him. If you did and he refused I’d say then YANBU to be annoyed. Hope your son is on the mend soon.

The Healthy adult NOT looking after a sick kid who’s doing a great job would have made dinner as planned. And checked on his kid?

I think I was tired and emotional! We have all had a much better night and glad I never raised this with DH yesterday while not being rational! Thanks for the wake up call! Once DS was in bed last night, I ordered Chinese and had an earlier night myself so all is well again

I think I was tired and emotional! We have all had a much better night and glad I never raised this with DH yesterday while not being rational! Thanks for the wake up call! Once DS was in bed last night, I ordered Chinese and had an earlier night myself so all is well again

I think I was tired and emotional! We have all had a much better night and glad I never raised this with DH yesterday while not being rational! Thanks for the wake up call! Once DS was in bed last night, I ordered Chinese and had an earlier night myself so all is well again

I think I was tired and emotional! We have all had a much better night and glad I never raised this with DH yesterday while not being rational! Thanks for the wake up call! Once DS was in bed last night, I ordered Chinese and had an earlier night myself so all is well again

I think I was tired and emotional! We have all had a much better night and glad I never raised this with DH yesterday while not being rational! Thanks for the wake up call! Once DS was in bed last night, I ordered Chinese and had an earlier night myself so all is well again