Would you side with your mum or husband?

[claudiine]

We are on holiday, me my mum, husband and our children.
My husband wants to do one thing my mum wants to do another so they look at me to decide and I feel kind of like I’m picking sides.
For context I always used to holiday here with my mum before I met my husband and we have done things a certain way as in lots of walks which my husband hates and since I’ve been alone with him we’ve done other things which my mum doesn’t really want to do.

we are all trying to make plans and I feel stuck in the middle and wish I wasn’t here.
I am probably a people pleaser who when I’m with my mum I go along with what she wants and when I’m with my husband I go along with what he suggests but when I’m with them both and they both have different ideas I feel stuck in the middle.
I am quite easy going really and happy to go with the flow.
I don’t actually mind what we do but they seem to clash on everything.

I think that you and your DH should be going somewhere different on holiday and leave your Mum behind, it must be a bit rubbish for him to have to relive your Childhood memories
And what do YOU want to do?

I think I just want everyone to be happy

Toss a coin.

Then do what the other one wants another day.

I agree with the previous poster that you should think about what you and the kids would like to do. If you’re all really easy going (I know some
people find it more relaxing not
to have to plan and make decisions) then I’d tell them that you’d like a bit of both and leave it up to them to divide up the holiday together.

Can you not just take turns doing different things OR do stuff separately?

You don’t need to be constantly doing everything together just because you’re on holiday. Your mum can go do one thing and your husband another. You join whichever activity suits you (or go do a third thing) and you split the kids between you.

I love holidays with my husband and mom because it’s the perfect time for some quality 1:1 or a few hours just for myself. For example, for our next one we have already planned that my mom will take my eldest to the theatre and that there will be an afternoon where my husband can explore the science museum alone, like an adult and without distraction.

What is it your husband wants to do?

I'd either go with DH and leave mum to do her thing or I'd chose the one I most wanted to do and leave the other to do their thing. There's really nothing to say you all have to do everything together the whole time, in fact group holidays are much better if you don't.

Not possible, so prioritise yourself. Forget the others. Do you want to do x or y? Then do that. Or do something by yourself and let them sort themselves out. And stop going on holiday with your mother and your husband!

Well what do you want to do and what do the children want to do?

I’m sorry, but that’s a bit pathetic. You’re a human being with agency, you must have preferences.

Dig really deep, find your agency, and figure out what YOU want to do. Then do that.

Yes think about what you and the children would like to do. Leave the other adults to do their own thing