Future SIL’s bizarre behaviour on my hen weekend

[Wifetobe25]

Last weekend was my hen. We had a country house booked where we stayed in and played games etc on night one, and on the night we headed out to the nearby city.

As background, my DP’s previous long term relationship broke down due to his ex cheating and generally being quite unpleasant towards him.

DP’s sister lives about 3 hours from us so we rarely see her - at Christmas mainly and maybe one other time during the year. I’m indifferent towards her, we are civil but I’ve never found her overly ‘warm’ if that makes sense, in the main I’ve always put it down to us not having met up much and got to know each other.

Anyway, SIL to be (for ease I’ll refer to her as future SIL - FSIL below) was on my hen. Here’s a summary of what happened:

-Night one, we are all a bit drunk and FSIL pulls me to one side and asks we have a chat. She repeatedly refers to DP’s ex as a slag. Tells me that she was horrible about their intimacy and that DP deserves someone who will treat him right and ‘worship’ him. A tad awkward but I didn’t give it any more thought, until...

-The following morning I was deciding between a couple of possible outfits for the night ahead, discussing with a friend. FSIL walks in and says of one of the outfits that it’s ’inappropriate and will invite the wrong sort of attention’. My friend replies there’s nothing wrong with it and FSIL mutters something about not realising it was ‘one of those types of hen do’s’ and walks off. My friend commented that she was really rude.

-In one of the first bars, FSIL was almost acting as a body guard, in that if she saw a group of men who looked like they may approach our group, she would warn everyone and try and get us to move along. It was so odd.

-Towards the end of the night, she said to me that she hopes I won’t be doing ‘this sort of thing’ when I’m married as DP will take a dim view.

-By this point, everyone was utterly fed up with her and another two of my friends decided to have some fun with her, and suggested they all chipped in for a stripper. I’m told this was met with a ‘face like a slapped arse’!

What’s really weird, is that DP tells me how much she enjoyed the weekend and loved spending time with me!

I haven’t actually told him what she was like, but I feel like I want to say something incase she’s awkward at the wedding?

Would the above have annoyed you too?

I would say something to him actually, as otherwise it will look like you have something to hide when she does tell him. Because she will, at some point.

“Actually I was a bit worried about her, Jenny and Sue teased her about getting a stripper. She’d been panicking about inappropriate behaviour and they couldn’t resist.”

But why did you invite on your hen weekend someone you barely know, seldom see and don’t much like? And whom none of your friends presumably know at all? The potential for this kind of thing, from mild oddness to a fun-sapping clash of ideas, is rife.

Her Brother was deeply hurt by his ex, and she’s worried about it happening again. She loves her Brother, and is probably being over-protective, as she saw the fallout last time.

Honestly, no.
Like you say, you two don't know each other that well.

IF she's looking to stir, you'd be playing right into her hands by taking issue.

Be gracious and ignore her.

And this.

Do NOT pick this up to make waves.

Let it float by.

Your friends sound bitchy btw, deliberately goading her with the stripper.
Do you like a bit of drama OP?

I'd just let it go. She either did have a nice time, or she was lying to be polite. It would be tactful to do the same.

I wouldn't say a thing I'd be interested in seeing how she acts at the wedding in front of your brother

I'd be more worried that this is an actual reflection of what your DP is thinking. On the face of it the FSIL is projecting imagined fears on his behalf given his alleged previous experience with his ex. But are you sure she isn't repeating how he really feels?

Sounds like your DP was really hurt by his ex and his sister doesn't want him to be hurt again. I think it's nice she cares about him. I wouldn't say anything but I also wouldn't invite her out with friends again unless DP was going to be there.

Slightly different angle, but my ex-w cheated on me with a friend and left me for her. I was absolutely broken. Fortunately I have lovely family and friends who really put me back together and a couple of years later I’m ok and get on fine with both ex and her new partner (the same one). No choice, in my view, as ex and I have a young child together. My family and close friends can’t get on board with it really. They all loathe her because they saw the pain and the devastation she caused. I think I’ve sort of blocked it out in order to be able to “co-parent” effectively.

Sounds like your DH to be was deeply wounded by what happened and his sister is maybe being a bit over protective, but that’s understandable in a way. At some point perhaps you will be able to discuss this with her. You aren’t the ex.

Also hen parties are always a bit weird!

You don't really know her, and she's looking out for your DH. Your friends don't sound the easiest to slot in with either. I think it's a tricky dynamic, and you don't know what might have happened in her history to explain her suspicion of men on nights out.