To feel weird about DHs comment about his DD

[Lispecn]

DH and I I have 3 DC between us, I have 2 boys who are 24 and 22. He has a daughter who is 18. He has only been loosely involved in her life, mostly she was raised by her mother in a different country, but she spend much of her holidays with him and he frequently visited.

His daughter will be moving to the UK in the summer, she will be going to university in London and living with us. He went to visit her recently and when he came back he said “it worries me that she’s so attractive, she’s very smart but I worry she will get distracted by boys and let her brain rot”, he then continued that the boys would be chasing after her as she is much more attractive that men most girls. I’m not sure why but this comment left me feeling very very odd. She is a gorgeous gorgeous girl, I know everyone is inclined to think that of their children but I feel I can be more objective, she has a very pretty face and is tall/slim etc. She is definitely what many would view as being conventionally attractive and I would agree she is more “conventionally attractive” than many if not the vast majority of people. Really I’ve never thought about how attractive my sons are, I don’t know why I would and I can’t view them as anything other than the little boys I raised!

His comment has made me feel very strange, it wasn’t like he was calling her pretty and worried about her being bothered by boys. More that he was saying she was attractive and would let boys rot her brain, as though attractive women are unable to refuse advances and are destined to rest on their looks alone. I can’t pin exactly what has left me uncomfortable, maybe it’s the constant “she’s so attractive” that feels like an unnatural perspective from a dad of his daughter, or maybe the misogyny that beautiful women will rot their brain with boys?

I want to question him but I’m not sure what I’d say? His daughter is going to Cambridge for goodness sake she’s incredibly intelligent and much more than just attractive, she speaks 3 languages, is extremely kind and empathetic, she is confident yet humble and has many many qualities, it seems though that he doesn’t see these and only sees her as attractive.

AIBU to think this is a really odd way for a father to view his daughter and rather misogynistic?

I feel you're reading too much into it. Think about it, she's basically coming on an adventure, different country, lots of freedom, and he's probably worri3d she'll be more into partying than her studies which is probably a valid concern

He never said that, you're disgusting for assuming that!

@Tbrh she isn't disgusting at all. I'd say he's attracted and also showing off about how beautiful his daughter is. A father who hasn't had much to do with his daughter growing up isn't going to be worried about her....he's just using as an excuse to endlessly talk about her beauty.

You can think someone is attractive without being attracted to them. Should've know some weridos on MN would immediately* *jump to this. Do you not have any attractive family members?

Your DH knows she will be targetted by undesirable men who are not interested in her brain or personality because she is good looking. He is worried that the more liberal and exciting university lifestyle she will soon be a part of may be something she finds distracting.

Just reassure him that she is not stupid.

Sounds a bit too over protective and said clumsily.

She's his little girl and he's worried about her safety, because he knows what a lot of men and young men are like. Especially when in a scenario where they are drinking etc.

He's comfortable to tell you his worries. There doesn't need to be some sordid meaning behind it.

He's a father who hasn't been actively involved in the raising of her.
Now, he finds himself in a position of his beautiful young daughter coming to uni in this country and living with you when she is not in Cambridge.
Sounds like he's maladaptive flapping over the responsibility. Like, suddenly, this amazing, beautiful creature is suddenly going to be more present in his life and the 'weight of responsibility' is suddenly hitting him in a way it hasn't before.
His wording is clumsy, but it doesn't raise any red flags for me.
This, from someone whose father said I looked 'fit", having not seen me for 2 years at 17 (and having lost a shed load of weight) 🤮

just sounds like he’s worried she’ll be distracted from her studies by boys as there will no doubt be plenty interested in her 🤷🏻‍♀️ Going to Cambridge is huge (& expensive, let’s not forget!) and I think it’s normal for a parent to worry that their child will become distracted by one thing or another. Nothing wrong with what he said, just worded differently than how I’d have worded it, but not by much.

He never said this at all! What an utterly bizarre take. You wouldn’t say this if it was a mother saying the exact same thing! He’s acknowledging that his DD is exceptionally pretty and is concerned that this will result in a large amount of male attention that will distract her from her studies. As I said above, Cambridge is a massive, massive thing and you only get one shot! I’d have exactly the same concerns but wouldn’t dream of saying it to my DD. Nothing wrong with what he said! Dads can acknowledge that their DDs are pretty/beautiful/attractive without there being some kind of sickening meaning, you know! 🙄

Sounds to me like he didnt anything weird by it, just probably the wrong choice of words

So you can call her gorgeous, but your husband isn’t allowed to express concern that she might get too much attention from boys because she is beautiful, and he would rather she got on with her studies? Wtf