9 year old asking about size of house and type of car

[Boredofthistownnow]

A 9 year old I know (possibly outing to say in what capacity) constantly asks me if I’ve seen such and such a car (flash ones) what kind of car I have, how big my house is, is it as big as hers…She’s a sweet girl aside from this. Family is quite wealthy

Is this normal for a 9 year old? My dc is younger but wouldn’t even know/care about these things. Seems very maternalistic and shallow, we aren’t like this and don’t place value on these things, hoping this isn’t a thing that happens to kids as they get older

Is it because she's 'constantly asking' that it bothers you? If she asked once would it still bother you and why?

I guess it comes from the parents, they don't teach their kids that honestly come in all shapes and sizes, people drive all sorts of cars etc.
Years ago my DC had a friend over who lived in a much bigger house than us, they proceeded to question me on why my house was so small, why didn't we have a dining table blah blah. Was a bit annoying at the time but what can you do? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Homes, not honestly!

I find it quite strange for a young child to ask and awkward to answer

I think it says a lot more about her parents then it does her

She’s obviously learnt it from her parents - most kids don’t care about this stuff unless they’ve been taught to. If she’s someone you see regularly, just say kindly “you asked me that last time! Now what would you like for tea?” Etc. If that doesn’t work, just explain “it’s rude to keep asking personal questions” or “comparison is the thief of joy!” and move the conversation on. Hopefully she’ll grow out of it.

How could saying how you know her be outing?!

It seems like her parents / or someone in her life values this stuff - either that or she’s prone to obsessions.

Anyway you must know it isn’t especially typical behaviour. It’s just a quirk.

My Dc already knows everyone lives in different places…one bed apartment, big houses with pools, she has friends in both. Cars she’s not even registered. It just felt like it was obvious these things were important/impressive and that seems sad

My 9 year old is a bit like this, she's clearly now understanding wealth disparity and trying to figure out where our family sits in the grand scheme of things. Compares what we have to what other kids have, whines that we don't have this or that, etc. It is very annoying!

Perhaps she is materialistic so these questions are normal to her in that sense.
Personally I wouldn't feel awkward; I would answer her questions directly. Maybe you could ask her why she is asking you and see what she says?! It doesn't seem like a big deal either way to me.

Absolutely comes from the parents. I was with some mums and kids at a lunch a while ago and one 9 year old asks his 9 year old friend how much their extension cost because there's was £160k 🤣

This is what I’m wondering, does this come with age? Or upbringing? I don’t want my Dc going like this, I’d hate it

I do think at about this age there does come some awareness of wealth, lack of, figuring out where you “sit”. When I was young it was mainly holidays, did you go to Haven or Majorca, Disneyland Paris or Disney Orlando, cars are just another measure I suppose and if she has heard other people talking about BMW’s or Audi’s then she’s picked up on the fact they are good/impressive

Presumably she’ll have picked up such ideas from her parents. I agree that it’s very distasteful, though.
At 9 I’d have thought a child was old enough to be taught that asking such questions is bad manners.

An extreme case, I know, but we have a neighbour who judges people solely on what car they have, other material signs - designer handbags, etc. She is an utterly poisonous woman (I have other grounds for saying this) who has seriously screwed up all her kids.

It really is

Some kids are just like that and I agree, it mostly comes from the parents.

As an aside, how could saying how you know her be outing? People are so paranoid. I’m from Wolverhampton and I do crochet. I dare someone to identify me. And I’d give no shits.

I think to an extent it just happens and you can’t really prevent it. At some point DC will have a friend who maybe went to America for 2 weeks for Disney and will wonder why they went to Haven for a weekend, or they have a friend who gets an iPad for their birthday and wonders why they didn’t get one, or my nephew’s current one is that he has friends who go to TGI Friday’s every Friday for tea and he constantly asks his mum why they are only able to go as a once in awhile treat & aren’t allowed to go every week. They do compare naturally with the people they spend time with and as they get older can become jealous or just curious to work out where their family sits

A child I minded said to me it’s quite nice weather for the time of year !!

Yes, this. That sort of age is where they do start to pick up on ideas about things like money, class, social status etc and get curious. Also because they're still only 9 they're still pretty clueless and lacking in tact and social graces and don't get why asking the same question over and over again is rude or that asking questions that are indirectly about money is considered crass. I guess you could say it's likely coming from the parents although she could equally have picked up some of it from the telly or school. When one of my kids was a similar age, maybe a little younger they came home with lots of questions about what designer clothes were and what was this label and how did you get them and so on - weird because that really isn't a thing in our house at all, quite the opposite. When pushed she admitted another little girl who was being bullied at the time had been trying to 'buy' friends with promises she'd get them designer gear . Neither that little girl nor mine were 'badly parented' as such although her mum was obviously much more into fashion than me, but they were both a bit clueless about how them going on about Versace and Prada came across!

My niece does this and it’s because her father is very materialistic and always likes to talk about the cost of things, the brand he’s bought, the exclusivity of things etc. She recently even asked me what star rating my hotel was. She’s learning to become a snob, constantly appraising the value of things, and it’s not nice to see.

Ahhhh Jenny Smith from Wolverhampton. I see you. 😂

It’s perfectly normal for nine year olds, regardless of class, parents, upbringing or culture. I’ve seen it in deprived inner city primaries a well as home counties prep schools. There’s an obsession with cars, not only their value but the technical stuff and specifications. Holidays are another obsession. Your child might do it, they might not. Either way they’ll find something annoying to do and I wouldn’t get hung up on it.

Exactly this.

Children pick on things as well from their parents. Sadly they will learn from the judgemental responses from adults, that you have to moderate your behaviour. I chose a hotel by its star rating because I want particular things and it will spoil the holiday if I don’t have it. If I can afford it, it’s none of your business to judge me or my family for my choice. I include my child in the discussion, because it’s their holiday and I want them to enjoy it too.

My child thinks we (extended family) are average and comments if other families have different set ups to ones they are used to-eg why doesn’t someone’s home have stairs?

They also don’t get at that age, why you wouldn’t get something that to them is obviously better like a posh car. I used to say we couldn’t afford it when they asked for things other people have but now they think we are poor🥴 and would ask if we would be homeless.

9 year olds can easily observe differences between people but don't always have tact, so ask questions that an adult hopefully wouldn't.
My son had a fairly wealthy friend and would ask why we didn't have such and such and a massive house, but they don't yet necessarily have the understanding of the path to that kind of lifestyle.
In PSHE classes that I have been in, most of the children, when asked about happiness and positivity, actually give quite heart warming responses.

I would have to wind her up with the Lamborghini I usually drive being in the garage, and my holiday house being massive on my private vineyard.