Although I wish that I hadn’t had to go through some of the stuff, loosing parents early, lost my sister last year, breast cancer, multiple miscarriages, just a few of my experiences, I do think that it has made me bomb proof. I have always refused to let life beat me. Losing my younger sister last year, aggressive pancreatic cancer, was probably the worst experience because it was so quick and at no point, once diagnosed was she given any hope. She had breast cancer in her 30s and had survived 22 yrs only to be diagnosed with Parkinson’s 3 yrs ago. But she never seem to let it get her down. It was only after she died that we found note books where she had written about her thoughts. They were difficult to read.
Cancer robbed her of the chance of children and the Parkinson’s insidiously stripped her of her physical strength and ability to work in her second career. Her first career was destroyed by her breast cancer. But the pancreatic cancer came out of no where, no warning signs until she was stage 4. She died 8 weeks after her provisional diagnosis. They thought it was ovarian cancer, we found out it was pancreatic 3 days before she died.
I take a great deal of strength with how she approached life and refuse to spend time being miserable. I have allowed myself time to grieve though. Something I didn’t have the time for when my parents died.
I think the lack of time in the past did affect me. This time, being recently retired, I’ve allowed myself time out.
But now we are back into rinse and repeat since MIL is fading fast. But she’s old and a quick death will suit her. Until last year she was still looking after her half an acre of ornate garden. Sadly it is rapidly becoming overgrown. Now my DS is back from uni I may take him with me and do a bit of weeding for her so at least she can sit outside and enjoy it.