Do I move DD8 to a different primary school?

[Dolliebobs]

Looking for some advice because I don’t know what to do.

youngest dd8 shows very obvious signs of adhd/asd. Currently on the waiting list and hopefully looking at going private at some point. My husband is diagnosed asd and I am diagnosed adhd. We can both see ourselves in her.

She really dislikes school usually. Last year every day we had tears and her complaining of feeling sick/tummy ache.

she has recently made friends with a few other children and they all get on lovely and have the same issues at school.

she has fallen behind on maths and spellings, I’m also dyslexic and struggle. I have been into the school numerous times asking for help for her and I’m constantly brushed off with nothing is wrong. She is taken out most days to do extra work with the children who are diagnosed.

I found out a few days ago that when she asks for help during maths the teacher sits her next to a “child who enjoys maths” and makes the child help dd.

we went to look at another local school near us who are a lot smaller (one class a year) but seem lovely and welcoming.

I don’t know what to do, she’s now made friends finally after 4 school years and I feel sick at the thought of her losing them but also I want her to get the support she deserves. She wants to
move but I know there is no going back once we do it 😩

argh!

Peer on peer help, as long as they are helping can be a really positive thing. It may also help her with friendships.

I'd leave her for now if she's making progress, maybe see if you can do some (fun) support at home.

No I wouldn't. She's finally settled and happy and you want to pull the rug feom under her again

You can support her at home with spelling and maths apps. The likes of nessy, reading eggs, squeebles spring to mind.

Word hornet or word wasp books can be good. You work together through it at home.

I wouldn't. Why unsettle her?

Kids helping others is standard practice in a class of 30 odd kids and one teacher. Done properly it benefits both the helper and the helpee. She is also getting additional small group help. Not sure what else you want? I would say that enjoying going to school is the most important thing.

We are doing alot of support at home, have for years tbh.

it’s more so the fact she’s not getting any help regarding adhd/autism and bullying.

she wants to move, she knows she can make new friends.

No, I wouldn’t move her.

I would also think very carefully before moving her to a private school. Private schools are businesses which can and do manage children out if they think they will affect their results, take up too much teacher time, or have behaviour which causes issues for other children.

Some private schools are great, but in many, children with behavioural difficulties or learning needs stand out more than in state schools. My experience is also that teachers in private schools have less experience of working with children with a broader range of needs.

Schools are supposed to support regardless of diagnosis.

if she is behind then a usual first step is small group support which it sounds like she is getting. Diagnosis wouldn’t necessarily unlock extra support.

what are you looking for from school?

if she has friends I’d be reluctant to move her.

I’ve just re-read your message and think that I might have mis-read it!

Are you referring to ‘private’ as in private assessment, rather than private education?

I would be really careful in moving her to a smaller school. Nice as they sound, small schools don’t have the same resources as a bigger one. As the kids grow there are also limited opportunities to make friends and if she doesn’t fit in for whatever reason there is no escape from the other kids and you can’t move her to the other class or encourage her to mix with kids in the other classes. I would continue to push for specific support and leave her where she is if she has friends. My autistic daughter has had an amazing year in her current school (a small 2 form school) despite never been happy and never enjoying school in prior years and the only reason is that this year she made lots of new friends. Bigger schools offer more opportunities to meet “her people” and there is a bigger chance the school will have more ND kids and more experience supporting their needs. Ultimately only you know what is best for her, but I would really advocate to look at bigger schools that have had more exposure to SEN kids and more resources to support them.

What more do you think / expect the school can / will do ?

She is not diagnosed but already is ' taken out most days to do extra work with the children who are diagnosed.'

Why not find a private tutor to help her with maths and spelling ?

I think your expectations won’t be met at another school either. The only thing that sounds like it might not be ok is the bullying but you haven’t led with that.

Have you emailed and requested a meeting with the school SENCo, as that is someone you definitely need to be speaking to.

What support do you envisage her getting at another school? Really significant interventions like a 1:1 TA are usually only given to those with very high needs. From what you have described, I'd be surprised if she got more elsewhere.