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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH should still come around with the kids

7 replies

Raynaodld · 23/05/2025 19:03

DH is extremely immature and emotionally troubled. He seperates over the smallest of things even though he is the breadwinner and I don’t have a job as he asked me to be a SAHM. I’m in a horrible position. He left abruptly after an argument he caused. I was previously very depressed and even hospitalised last month. I have been going to the gym and exercising an hour a day when he comes home from work to keep my mental health at bay. I’ve started looking great and the gym is the only time I can unwind with 2 toddlers- 15 months and nearly 3. He has started arguments over me wearing shorts (most of the time knee length) and called me a disrespectful, modern female who doesn’t respect her man. The main argument was he doesn’t allow me to have days off on the weekend or ever watch the kids. He took off about a week ago leaving me with two toddlers. Oh- did I mention we just moved 2.5 hours away from family and were looking to buy a house. Now I’m back to square one trying to sort of my life (he has two successful businesses) and I understand how shared custody but knowing I have no one, I suffered with severe depression last month, no job and he won’t even come back an hour a day to help with them. Our ds had to go to the hospital two days ago. While there DH constantly tried going on my phone seeing what I had been searching and seen I was on a mom friend app. He made a remark about signing up to meet some hot single moms- while I was worried sick about our son! I just think his the biggest narc on the planet genuinely loving me suffering as punishment for my ‘disrespect.’ Even if you decide you don’t want to be together- it should be after counselling, or not just one tiny bicker and you leave your wife and kids. And even if that is the case, don’t men care enough to check that their family is doing fine? I struggle with both and I’m trying to sort out nursery, work, housing (as we was waiting on a house we’ve been staying in an Airbnb so I’m literally housing.) Yesterday I couldn’t even put out the bins and the house is a mess. I do pretty well doing the basics as I know this is non negotiable but man. One day I hope I come back and update this and say I have gotten it all sorted.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 24/05/2025 03:16

Oh dear he sounds awful. Can you go back to where your family are, and try and rebuild yourself there where you have some support? Sounds like you can't rely on him unfortunately.

Renabrook · 24/05/2025 03:20

Why are you letting him think for you you are a sahm because you choose to be so, but why on earth are you with him in the first place, maybe use your time to work on your self respect and be responsible for your own life

You are an adult if you need to get a job then work on getting one you are not a child he is not responsible for you

Shoxfordian · 24/05/2025 04:48

Take some steps towards divorce

ObtuseMoose · 24/05/2025 04:55

LTAB.

whynotmereally · 24/05/2025 04:56

Start divorce proceedings, move back to where your family is, can you stay with anyone while you get on your feet? Get some counselling and get a job. You will be entitled to universal credit and funded childcare.

This man is controlling you will feel much better if you get out of his control. Keep photos of any messages he sends you that are abusive / threatening or about him not wanting to see the kids.

user1492757084 · 24/05/2025 04:56

Try and get a two day per week job at a gym.
Try to be more independant by the time your youngest is six.

Or plan to move away, nearer to your family and to have found a secure part time job once the kids are at school.

Flashahah · 24/05/2025 05:22

Get a job
Leave him

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