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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this upset you? Work related

31 replies

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 16:40

This has made me feel like shit but I’m not sure if I’m being dramatic or not. Obviously I won’t say anything and will remain professional, but I just wanted to see if anyone else would feel the same way.

I’ve been in my job for just over a year now, positive feedback, no issues etc. My team is small and we all get on really well, my manager is lovely too.

My manager reports to the HR director. I don’t have much contact with her and neither does the rest of the team except for the odd meeting / update. She’s always been polite and friendly when I’ve spoken to her and has, on a couple of occasions praised my work.

She recently bought us all a gift each to thank us for our hard work. Mine was a box of chocolates (which was lovely and I was grateful for), however I later found out that she had bought everyone else a bottle of fizz and flowers. I’m the only person in the team that received chocolates, and I only found this out as my colleague mentioned it saying how lovely it was without realising I hadn’t been given the same. She was mortified when she realised.

AIBU to be a bit hurt by this and feel singled out? I’m curious more than anything, perhaps she doesn’t like me for some reason. As I said I won’t mention anything, but I do think it’s a shitty thing to do, especially considering the position that she’s in. The company focuses heavily on inclusion etc so I’m just surprised really.

OP posts:
MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 22/05/2025 16:44

Have you ever expressed a preference for chocolates or said you don't drink?

Given everything you said I think it'd be wise to give the benefit of the doubt and assume there was a positive reason rather than her not liking you.

ExtraOnions · 22/05/2025 16:45

Maybe she thought you didn’t drink
Maybe she thought you liked chocolate
Maybe others got something different (unless you have spoken to them all)

Boss thanks people for work well done, by buying them a gift, possibly with their own money.. and someone finds a reason to moan. This is why being a manager is a thankless task at times.

2dogsandabudgie · 22/05/2025 16:48

For me it would depend on what brand of chocolates, were they cheap ones. Do you think the chocolates added up to the same price as the wine and flowers.

I wouldn't automatically assume that she doesn't like you. Maybe the shop only had so many bunches of flowers left or maybe she thinks you don't drink. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation. I wouldn't worry about it

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 16:49

@ExtraOnions I’m not sure why she would think that as I’ve never mentioned anything about alcohol or chocolates or whether I like one more than the other. Maybe she thought I had though, so if that’s the case then fair enough.

It’s a small team, there’s only 5 of us, including my manager, and everyone else received a bottle of alcohol and flowers.

OP posts:
Trumptonagain · 22/05/2025 16:59

Maybe she doesn't know if you do like alcohol or not, as you say it's never mentioned either way.

As a non wine drinker I've a cupboard full of wine given as thank you presents from people that don't know me well enough to know I don't like it, it really isn't something that's been mentioned during conversation.

Flowers, unless a hay fever suffer, would be a safe present to give as are the chocolates, for those that may mention diabetes I'll add in maybe not then.

But I'd definitely be pleased with the chocolates, silently miffed at not getting the flowers too though.

user2848502016 · 22/05/2025 17:04

It is weird and a bit shitty yes. If she didn’t know whether you drink or not she would have surely bought you flowers and chocolates of the same value as the fizz

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 17:05

@Trumptonagain that’s kind of my point though. She wouldn’t have known what my colleagues liked either yet I was the only person that ended up with something different. It’s not that I’m ungrateful, I just think it’s a bit odd. I’m obviously being unreasonable though as it seems nobody else would care. Good to know and thanks for the feedback!

OP posts:
Closetangel · 22/05/2025 17:07

You've been there for a year, have your colleagues worked there longer? If so she probably knows their likes and dislikes

UnderTheCover · 22/05/2025 17:08

If there's a team of five, it's odd to give four people the same gift and single out one person for a different one.

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 22/05/2025 17:10

Do you think there's any chance that she misremembered the number of people in the team and had to do a last minute dash to get one more gift?
I don't mean that she forgot you personally, just that the total was wrong.

Planterns · 22/05/2025 17:13

I wouldn't necessarily think it's about her not liking you. Could be one of many things. No point guessing.

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 17:17

@UnderTheCover 2 have, 2 haven’t

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 22/05/2025 17:22

I think you're being ungrateful O P.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 22/05/2025 17:22

Maybe she likes you the best, as, in my eyes, chocolate is much better than wine and flowers!

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 17:25

@tripleginandtonic ok, thank you

OP posts:
TheQuietestSpace · 22/05/2025 17:26

I'm SURE this is because she thought she was doing the right thing - there's no way you'd do this unless you thought you were right. She must think you don't drink.

Recently had a baby? Previously not drunk anything on a work night out? Talked about disliking wine?

Gemmawemma9 · 22/05/2025 17:26

tripleginandtonic · 22/05/2025 17:22

I think you're being ungrateful O P.

Ah come on now. This is really unfair. She’s clearly been singled out and is feeling a bit uneasy in case she’s upset someone.
Id definitely feel the same OP. I get it, if everyone had got chocolates that’s different. Maybe a PP is right and she’s accidentally bought too few gifts.

Communitywebbing · 22/05/2025 17:28

I think you are worrying pointlessly. Who knows why she did it. You’re doing fine at work and have some chocolate for the weekend.

Hankunamatata · 22/05/2025 17:31

I think the chocolates were for the manager....

BeJollyEagle · 22/05/2025 17:32

Are you all the same level of seniority?

But she’s using her own money to buy gifts? I take it she isn’t expensing? I would be grateful and get over it. She might have missed you out by mistake. Speak to her if you’re so bothered.

Hankunamatata · 22/05/2025 17:33

I wonder if the HR manager got chocolates for your manager and the flowers/wine were for the 4 on the team?
Aka
Your manager snaffled the wine and flowers

nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 17:35

@BeJollyEagle yes we are

OP posts:
nicecuppatea7 · 22/05/2025 17:36

@Hankunamatata maybe 😆

OP posts:
babystarsandmoon · 22/05/2025 17:38

Are you sure somebody didn’t steal yours?

I have known people at work to take gift cards and bottles of whiskey and hide them from their colleagues.

2dogsandabudgie · 22/05/2025 18:17

Hankunamatata · 22/05/2025 17:33

I wonder if the HR manager got chocolates for your manager and the flowers/wine were for the 4 on the team?
Aka
Your manager snaffled the wine and flowers

Actually that makes more sense.

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