To worry this is an odd reaction for a 4 year old being told off .

[Australiaday]

I am , I hope a good parent . But sometimes things are hard especially in the morning and I have 3 under 4 ! We don’t shout and generally are calm but trying to get shoes and coats on can result in - please just out your shoes on and help me ! Why aren’t you listening ?

I have noticed that my son aged 4 now scrunches his eyes up if he is told off. I am worried. Is he stopping himself crying ? Is he trying to hide shame ?

i try to be a good parent and kind and gentle . I’m concerned about this reaction? I am trying to be alot more organised in the mornings !

Just ask him if you are upsetting him OP .

He's definitely having a negative reaction. Nip whatever you're doing in the bud before it gets worse, he has to learn to trust you but you need to earn that.

Ask him what he's feeling - could be a sign of frustration. Are you sure someone else hasn't been hitting him/shouting at him?? Scrunching eyes can mean all kinds of things - he might just realise though that he's getting noticed when he does it and has kept doing it.

Does he then do as he's been asked? Are you expecting more of him because it sounds as though he is the oldest child? I noticed that my aunt can sound a bit more exasperated at her eldest child, and a bit more gentle with the younger ones. On the other hand the older one is now much more resilient in a number of social situations so maybe no harm done.

You are setting very high standards for yourself, OP. With three children so close together in age, you are going to have to be direct some of the time. As PP have said, you need to ask him what's going on when he screws his eyes up.

What nonsense. If he’s not listening then a telling off is fine. He’s feeling ashamed because he doesn’t want to listen? Don’t pander, be firm. Ask him what’s wrong and address it, but don’t stop being firm just because he doesn’t like it.

I mean, it's perfectly normal to feel bad when you're told off, surely? That's the point of it, really.

You have a lot on your plate.

What do your mornings usually look like?

Yonks ago, I was with my mum and my 5-year old nephews. The wee buggars unexpectedly ran away from us beside a busy road. I had a bad leg and my mum was in her 70s so neither of us were supremely able to run after them. When I got to them and told them not to do that they both closed their eyes - it was almost as if "we can't see you, so we can't hear you". Bless them!

Well, you know, even a small child is allowed to feel pissed off or annoyed at being ordered around - that’s from his point of view of course! You HAVE to tell him to do stuff in the morning, it has to happen, he has to comply to get everyone out of the door but he doesn’t have to like doing it, does he?

Some very bizarre first responses. It’s not damaging to tell children off sometimes in the way you’re saying. And screwing up eyes wouldn’t make me think any concern, other than drawing attention to themselves. Toddlers often mimic behaviour and maybe he’s trying to cry or look sad, I know my pre schooler does even when he’s not actually upset he’s learning the social responses and what gets a reaction.

A lot of small children take the 'if I can't see it, it's not there' approach so by screwing up his eyes, I wonder if it is his way of attempting to avoid the telling-off.

There is nothing to worry about at all. Ignore any and all unwanted behaviour and they will stop doing it of their own accord when they find out it doesn't work.

Just sounds like a normal displeased reaction,like when we frown or scowl?

At 8,DS2 still has the pouty bottom lip down to a T

@mathanxiety
I think I would understand him being upset but this scrunching of the eyes makes me concerned he is zoning out or something . Like I’m causing him shame and inner turmoil. I don’t know !!
I never want my children to feel shamed . But I know I have to give instructions at time etc. I think as he is the eldest he is expected to probably ‘listen ‘ and I maybe treat him older than he is. He is a good boy. They are all good children.
Mornings are mad.
From 6am-8.00 it’s - please eat breakfast ( they do have breakfast at nursey but are always hungry!) they complain they want something that I haven’t given. I get them dressed which is a battle as the eldest two want to stay at home and play with their toys . They smallest is 1 and is a law unto herself! I am trying to get them to brush their teeth , then they take their shoes off as they say they want to stay at home. Then someone wants a drink . Then they are squabbling . I try to get myself ready for work S Then I try and shoe horn them into the car for 8.00 to be at nursery for 8.15. More tears. One never wants to go and refuses to walk. Sometimes when I get back in the car I actually feel utter relief to be going to work. Then I hate myself for working full time . The children are not doing anything bad but it just seems I am always so tired , every day is the same . My husband is in bed as he works late nights so I can’t ask him to help . I don’t want to be a negative mother but I do become stressful with the children in the morning .

I guess you're upsetting him/scaring him a bit so this is his way of removing himself from the situation (can't see you therefore you're not there) - in the same way children put their hands over their ears when shouting gets too loud.

Yes, this.

If kids don't get ready in time and you have to raise your voice to get them to move, join the club with every other mum I know.

They're allowed to be upset about getting spoken to harshly. It's a healthy normal reaction. They'll get spoken to harshly all their lives if they don't get what needs to be done, done. They're learning about consequences and emotions.

In summary, all sounds normal to me.