To think my dad is seeing prostitutes

[Blackcurrantteacake]

My dad who is in his early eighties, lives alone. My stepmother died last year and before that was in a care home for ten years with dementia. I don’t see a lot of my dad by choice. He’s a nasty bitter man who was a terrible cruel father growing up. He’s told me that a lady comes to the house and gives him a massage. I didnt think much of this until he told me that she climbs on his bed and does it there. He wasn’t happy because she got oil on his sheets. He also told me that she asked him if he wanted a happy ending. I feel repulsed. I am being unreasonable to think a genuine masseuse wouldn’t do this, and he’s probably got a prostitute coming to the house.

Why is he telling you this?

Could be a sex worker, could be your father winding you up. I'd ignore it. If it makes you uncomfortable tell him you'd rather not hear about a woman oiling him up.

I'd be more repulsed by him feeling the need to tell you about it, than him even doing it.

It’s not him winding me up. He’s disgusting. He went on holiday on a cruise and told me how he’d got off with this woman. Whilst my step mother was languishing in a care home. One of my reasons for going very low contact was his inappropriateness.

It’s been said before but… WHY, as your father, would he proactively tell you this? I think that’s the most concerning part.

Maybe go from low contact to no contact?

Yep, she's a prostitute, although the way you tell it, it sounds like he maybe really didn't know he'd booked a prostitute. Did he mention the "happy ending" thing like he really didn't know what it meant?

If he did and he's getting some weird kick out of telling you about his sex life, you'd be NU at all in wanting nothing to do with him.

I think no contact is appropriate.

Why are you continuing contact with him, he sounds absolutely vile.

I doubt he's the only 80yo man with a sex drive, but to be so indiscreet as to talk to you about it is distasteful and crosses boundaries. Is he deliberately trying to shock you? Does he blur boundaries otherwise?

DF had Parkinsons and dementia and the medication made him quite vocal about his sex life. So distressing for DM as he was previously very reserved.

He’s perfectly entitled to do what he wants or needs regarding his sex drive. Just because He’s 80+ doesn’t mean he should give up on it.

Morally it’s his decision about where he goes to get his satisfaction. Believe me, there’s men into their 90s on dating sites. They never give up and good luck to them.

As far as talking to you about it, just shut him down just as you would anyone who talked about anything you found distasteful or inappropriate. Put your hands over your ears “not now Dad, thank you” and change the subject.