To be really fed up with my friend?

[VictorianSqualor]

Long story cut short, we had to move house as our let was up, the only house we could get in such a short space of time that was big enough and that we could afford is two buses away from DD's school.

We hired a childminder to look after Dd for the hour between DP leaving for work and DD starting school.

A friend of mine has a DD at the same school, and offered to have DD for the hour before school instead, she offered a couple of times and we took her up on her offer. The childminder wasn't too impressed that we were not going to use her anymore and apparently was complaining to the other CM's at the school about it, so we've burned our bridges there.

Friend has informed Dd this morning that she won't be having her anymore, starting the week after half term. In other words, she will only have her for three more days then we need to find alternative arrangements.

So, hardly any notice, and no possibility of getting our childminder back because she told us to cancel her, why bother?

If she hadn't been so insistent I would still be sending DD to the childminders and there would be no issue, now, I'm fucked.

I'm really annoyed, but almost feel like I shouldn't be because she was doing us a favour, but she doesn't go out of her way to do it, she goes to the school anyway and DD isn't a naughty child or anything so it's not that she can't have her anymore, just that she doesn't want to. Well maybe she should have thought about that before offering right?

DP reckons maybe her DD is playing up with my Dd there, her Dd is a lovely girl, but a bit of a handful so maybe she started out thinking it would be good for her DD(something she did mention) but it worked out differently.
He's going to call her and speak to her.

Yes Squirdle, DD is 7, at primary school, she knew she wouldn't be paid because she mentioned that I'd be saving money by not having to pay for childcare.

Ok, so thats not the reason then. That's really unfair of her to do this to you. If she wasn't 100% committed then she shouldn't have offered to do it. I was asked by a friend once to do the same thing but because I knew I wouldn't be happy doing it day in day out (this was after school) I said no.

And she offered to do it for you!

Not just offered, insisted, She had said to me about it loads of times before we finally took her up on the offer.

Your friend sounds like a nonce.

I look after the wee boy of a friend one afternoon a week, she has my kids one evening a fortnight. We're up front about days we can't manage. Would it really be that difficult for her to show you a similar level of respect?

You do realise a nonce is a child abuser don't you?

Not round these parts! Sorry, I had no clue whatsoever of that meaning Many apologies

Ooops Madmuggle the word is 'numpty' elsewhere!

And yes your friend sounds like one! Why is she relaying through your daughter? You need to call her and say is this true what my daughter is saying?

Sounds to me like there is more to this than meets the eye. It's strange that she sent a message via your dd instead of speaking to you, and also such short notice.

You need to talk to her and see what the problem is; maybe the girls aren't getting on and it's a huge burden every morning. Maybe she's newly pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. But you should ask her if she could continue the arrangement until you have a new childminder in place at least.

Personally I use a childminder for the regular every week childcare and then ask friends for other stuff, such as if the CM is ill or on holiday, or something extra crops up.

DP spoke to her this morning, apparently it's because I don't hang around after school to talk to her (I don't have much choice, I have a bus to catch) but she has agreed to do it next term still and I'm going to talk to her later.

Are you sure she's a friend?! I could understand withdrawing because it was much harder work than she expected but stopping becuase you're not giving her enough attention just sounds, well childish I suppose!

Maybe she thought it would be more of a reciprocal arrangement - she has your dd an hour each morning and you look after hers sometimes?

Persoanlly (and isn't hindsight a wonderful thing!) I would only enterinto this sort of arrangement (and I do have this arrangement incidentally) if I was returning the favour somehow. Puts you on more of an equal footing and if she lets you down you just cancel your end of the deal. Maybe that;s what she meant by ending it cos you don't talk to her - you get all the benefit she gets none.

Message withdrawn

I've been offering to have her DD he last three weeks in a row but she was always doing something so it's not that.

I can kind of see her point, since she has been having my DD I've hardly seen her, purely through circumstance but reading between the lines from what she told DP she feels like I've been avoiding her, almost as if i made the effort til I got what I wanted (her help) when in reality I am up to my eyes in it with a 5wk old baby and have to make sure I get the bus, plus she hasn't been at the school as early as she used to be when we'd sit and chat waiting for the girls so we've only had the chance to say 'Hi' in passing.

Message withdrawn

bloody hell I didn;t realise you had a 5 week old as well. Whilst I probably wouldn;t have offered I certinaly wouldn't have dropped a friend with a 5 week old at such short notice. I would also hopefully be a littel more understanding of the pressures of your time atm.

I think you should still look into using the CM. Things could go wrong again, and you will be back to square one.

Plus it will out pressure on your friendship, and that would be a shame if you fell out over it.

We've been looking into moving over the summer holidays so shan't need any help then.

Ah. Now I think she is being unreasonable . Bonkers reason for not looking after your dd any more.

How much money were you giving your friend ? I presume because you werent reciprocating with transport you would be giving her petrol money ?

sorry that sounds really harsh ,wasnt meant to

She was walking to the school, two minutes from her door, so no, I wasn't giving her petrol money.