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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you think his doing?

7 replies

InshockjustWow · 22/05/2025 01:37

Hi all, I’ve found some messages on his phone, he is an online gamer for over 18 years and has played loads of different games some for years. I don’t like online games with chat so never felt to join.
He went toilet and left phone in the kitchen on the side charging. A notification come through but had a strange sound so I looked over and it a woman on a chat app I never knew he had asking if he had a great day thinking of her.
He run in before I could even touch the phone and asked me why I was looking I never have before in 23 years. I went to say we need to talk when the children are in bed, he just started shouting and left. Now he has come home saying there’s no way you never see that because I’ve never used it and shown me the app but there not one message is on it.
He said I need help as I’m losing it and went to bed.
I looked at his apps and his had hundred chat apps telegram line… the list is endless and games. All accounts I found were deleted like new accounts or cleared of chats and friends in games his has played for over 6 years some longer. I found one game and every friend is a girl and I found a chat in an app and l asked him what it was he was offering!
He reply was nothing maybe to chat and that he thinks he should get points for not going back to talk weeks later. His never been so cold and uncaring like he done nothing when I see the proof what was I meant to take a picture of it incase he decides to lie. 23 years and he’s now trying to send me crazy, I’ve never thought he would cheat and have never even look at his phone he had my full trust.
there loads more to the message but shows names.
Sorry I’m over the place at the moment. Had family passing and two life changing health problems diagnosed since Monday I just don’t know what to do think or believe.

do you think he left to delete everything and has been cheating for the 18 years

or

am I mad like his saying.

What do you think his doing?
OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 22/05/2025 01:53

You know what you saw. And now he's gas lighting you. You aren't crazy.

You have three choices as far as I can see.

  1. Act on what you saw and kick him out/ insist he ends all contact (he won't)/ move into the spare room & see a solicitor.
  2. Wait a week, then watch very closely where he goes and whether he is where he says he will be. If he's been playing away for a long time, he won't just stop. It will be easy to spot now you are aware.
  3. Pretend you imagined it and that he isn't sleeping around.

I'd get a sexual health check whatever else you do. I'm so sorry.

Colalola · 22/05/2025 02:00

These apps are often used for predators to send and receive illegal images and videos if you understand what I’m saying. Make sure it isn’t that.
aside from that, he is deleting messages and you know in your gut what he’s up to from what you saw before he removed evidence and called you crazy. That would be enough for me!

Springtimehere · 22/05/2025 02:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

InshockjustWow · 22/05/2025 02:20

I’m in shock!
I thought you would say I’m going crazy.
That didn’t cross my mind but how do I even look for that stuff his cleared everything. He wouldn’t let me see his phone. So I’ve been looking on his iPad and it’s all connected but nothing there at all even his friend who plays sometimes no messages and he has shown me messages from him when there planning strategies in game.
I’m so shaken.
We got together as kids.
But I don’t know him at all.
I’m scared what I could find.

OP posts:
InshockjustWow · 22/05/2025 02:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I never even knew it was like that in games but the messages in the world chats on the games are all who wants to chat with me and begging. I’m in shock.
My eldest plays one game sometimes but now I understand why he says his in games already 99% of the time and turned all chat off for them.

OP posts:
Colalola · 22/05/2025 13:08

I hope you get some answers soon, best of luck navigating such a hard time. I hope he comes clean and you can make a decision based on the truth. Xx

MaybeMrs · 22/05/2025 13:14

Look in his photos, and deleted photos.

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