to feel upset the way colleagues are with me?

[user880099]

I know this probably sounds really pathetic but I can't work out why I get treated differently. I'm starting to think there must be something wrong with me.

Last week at work one of my colleagues mum was rushed into hospital when she returned to work we all asked how she was/how her mum was.

On Monday my dad was rushed into hospital so I was off for the day when I returned no one asked how I was/ or how my dad was.

This isn't the first time it has happened if a colleague is off ill when they return we all ask if they are better but no one ever asks me, the same with holidays.

I just don't understand what's wrong with me, I keep thinking do i come across as a horrible person.

I'm sorry this is happening and about your dad - I hope he is OK.

Obviously, I don't know you so it's hard to say what could be causing it. I'm sure you're not horrible though!

Are you quite new and everyone else has been there years? It can sometimes take a while in a team like that to get to the same 'stage' of friendliness as others.

Are they polite/professional/friendly otherwise?

I am quite quiet at work and don't engage in the gossip so sometimes can end up a bit left out of things. That said, we are all professional and friendly enough in work so I don't mind.

Are you sure they know the reason you were off?

I am sorry op. This is very hurtful. I hope your dad is feeling better now

Sorry to hear about your dad.
Do you have a lot of time off? Sorry for asking but it can change how people view any time off, even for legitimate reasons.

I think that’s why I feel so upset because I never have time off, the last time I was off was 2 days ill back in Nov 2023.
I get them been annoyed and treating me differently if I was off often.

Did they actually know about your dad OP? If you don’t have “friends” at work who you told yourself then I would have assumed they didn’t know as I wouldn’t expect a manager to share that info really

Are you quiet? Are you a people pleaser? I only ask because I find that in certain work cultures these sort of people are more overlooked and taken for granted. In which case, it’s not you, it’s a performative culture that doesn’t value people.

Yes they knew the reason

Are you part time? I find being a part timer means you mostly get forgotten about

Yeah I am quiet and a people pleaser

I am part time

I am not quiet and not a people pleaser. However, I keep a firm line between work and home unless it directly impacts on my work. No-one knows my Dad has cancer because as far as I can see, as long as I am not in a terrible state, it's not their business.
I'm having some medical tests- again, my boss knows I need to leave early for a medical appointment because I needed to ask; but he wouldn't dream of asking why. He asks if I'm ok and I know if I needed to say, that would be fine.
I am part time and I get along great with the team; but I wouldn't tell them this stuff and consequently, over time, they don't ask.
There are people in my workplace who share EVERYTHING- and I mean everything. I don't mind at all but I think it feeds into other people thinking they can then ask them anything.
What I am trying to say is that often, in a workplace, colleagues can reflect what you offer up. I would never dream of asking you about your Dad in public because it's your business. And if you are naturally quiet, I would possibly try and catch you in a corridor and just check if you are ok. I would never ever expect you to broadcast your personal life to the office. However, I know some people who would give me the full rundown before I'd even put my lunch in the fridge in the morning.

Well I don’t think it’s a competition. When a colleague is off how do you know the reason? I certainly wouldn’t want to discuss my personal life with the whole work force. Especially if it’s about health. An old manager who was also my friend told another colleague in a passing comment why I had been off. When I returned the colleague then asked how I was. I was livid with my friend. That was personal information and I wish I had took it further with HR, some people may also not want to discuss their private life. Also if you aren’t friends I don’t really have any interest in their lives, so I wouldn’t bring it up.

I'm sorry I understand why you felt hurt at that.