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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No replies to party invitations

47 replies

Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:00

I have a dd who is going to be eleven soon. She is quite shy , but does have some friends at school. She attends a SEN school as she has some difficulties with holding a pen , using a knife and fork etc , she has hypermobility and is undergoing tests for dyspraxia . She is above average intelligence ( according to school reports ) we live abroad and have zero family support . She is doing very

well with the local language . English is her native language . ( To give some background ) Anyway it’s her birthday soon and she wanted to have it at a play center which is about ten minutes drive from her school. (I should add that all the children at the school have another language as the first language , and come from all over , most are transported by a bus that picks them up . Therefore you do not meet any parents except at parties etc . There are ten kids in her class, 9 including her. So we invited all of them . And two whom she is friends with from another class . It’s a play Center where you can go on trampolines , bouncy castles etc . So are free to do your own thing , but you have a table with food etc on . So we wrote the invites three weeks ago and sent a follow up asking if parents could let us know either way by this Friday . Party is next Saturday 31 st . Out of all the invites only the two friends from another class have replied . I know there’s still tomorrow and Friday, but I will be very sad for her if none of them reply . Fortunately my friend is bringing her kids and there are a few others . ( not from school ) But we still don’t know what size cake etc to order and also we have to pay in advance for the playcenter. . Yabu theres still time , or Yanbu this is normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:37

UndermyShoeJoe · 21/05/2025 16:10

Less and less people do seem to rsvp these days which is just very very rude.

also unsure if it’s just our school or a thing.

But it has been seen to be that certain religious / nationalities are much less likely to come / rsvp at all and don’t tend to invite those outside of their shared either so you could have a bit of lazy and a bit of culture not mixing.

There are lots of different nationalities , mine is the only English speaking child that could be a valid reason

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 21/05/2025 16:40

I’m also of the view that if not a single one of the kids in her class have reported either to say yes or no, then something has gone wrong somewhere. Either the invitations never made it to the kids, or they never made it home, or you have a typo in the number for the rsvp. Something like that. I’ve never held paper invitations for a party for either of my DC. The invitations are always either email usually using Paperless Post (so people can easily click yes or no) or on what’s app. Do your really not have either phone numbers or emails for anyone?

Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:40

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 16:15

So you gave them until this Friday or last Friday?

This Friday , so still two days

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:46

SummerInSun · 21/05/2025 16:40

I’m also of the view that if not a single one of the kids in her class have reported either to say yes or no, then something has gone wrong somewhere. Either the invitations never made it to the kids, or they never made it home, or you have a typo in the number for the rsvp. Something like that. I’ve never held paper invitations for a party for either of my DC. The invitations are always either email usually using Paperless Post (so people can easily click yes or no) or on what’s app. Do your really not have either phone numbers or emails for anyone?

I checked the invites had the correct number . Two from another class that she plays with have confirmed , but yes i suppose it could be that they are still in a bag or been mislaid … my husband printed a little polite reminder asking if they could let us know yes or know by this Friday 23 rd , but still nothing as yet ..

OP posts:
Emanresuunknown · 21/05/2025 16:49

What language were the invitations in if only your child speaks English? I wonder if some parents weren't able to translate an invitation that wasn't in their native language?

Emanresuunknown · 21/05/2025 16:50

Also if you gave them until Friday you do need to... Give them til Friday. It's only wednesday

Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:53

Emanresuunknown · 21/05/2025 16:49

What language were the invitations in if only your child speaks English? I wonder if some parents weren't able to translate an invitation that wasn't in their native language?

They were in the local language that is used in the school

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:57

Emanresuunknown · 21/05/2025 16:50

Also if you gave them until Friday you do need to... Give them til Friday. It's only wednesday

Indeed, there is still another two days .. just thought it was a bit odd that nobody from the class has said yes or no ..

OP posts:
amybabysa · 21/05/2025 16:57

I was going to say this is rude of the pupils but as it’s a SEN school I’d probably give them a bit of leeway. I would be annoyed though. Are you sure she’s given all the invites out?

as it’s a school where not all the parents do the pickup and dropoff, and the teacher can’t exactly remind the kids (especially if some with SEN struggle with communication) I think you are just going to have to wait and see who turns up.

from now on I’d only be doing smaller parties with the kids who reply until/unless you get to know the other parents

if I had a SEN child I’m not sure I’d be keen to allow them to go to a party if I hadn’t met the parents, but they were very rude to not even call you.

Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 17:00

TeenToTwenties · 21/05/2025 16:20

Are you sure they got the invites?
Could the class teacher not have handed them out?

My daughter said she gave each child one with their name on , with hindsight it may have been better to ask her teacher ( she’s lovely ) . Maybe some will reply last minute ..

OP posts:
whynotmereally · 21/05/2025 17:01

I hate patty’s got this reason. It is possible invites got lost/parents don’t check bags. You could send a confirmation note?

Pretz123 · 21/05/2025 17:05

Has your child not asked her friends if they are coming after handing out invites? At my child's school they would do this, expecting some to say yes, some no .....they would definitely be discussing it....

Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 17:07

amybabysa · 21/05/2025 16:57

I was going to say this is rude of the pupils but as it’s a SEN school I’d probably give them a bit of leeway. I would be annoyed though. Are you sure she’s given all the invites out?

as it’s a school where not all the parents do the pickup and dropoff, and the teacher can’t exactly remind the kids (especially if some with SEN struggle with communication) I think you are just going to have to wait and see who turns up.

from now on I’d only be doing smaller parties with the kids who reply until/unless you get to know the other parents

if I had a SEN child I’m not sure I’d be keen to allow them to go to a party if I hadn’t met the parents, but they were very rude to not even call you.

Edited

Thank you for your reply , the parents are also welcome to attend dh wrote on the reminder that there would be food and drink for those parents that are bringing their children. As it’s such a tiny class we thought it would be kind to invite all . Like I said some of the children are classed as sen purely because they are not fluent enough to go to a mainstream school yet. Whilst others may have other additional needs , the school follows the same curriculum as the other local schools and at the end of the fifth year all the kids go to the local high schools wherever that may be for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 17:10

whynotmereally · 21/05/2025 17:01

I hate patty’s got this reason. It is possible invites got lost/parents don’t check bags. You could send a confirmation note?

We did send a polite reminder , but it’s very possible that some have gone astray

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 17:14

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 16:20

You have the number of 1 person? And your daughter has been at the school presumably for years if turning 11?

She’s been there for three years , the classes do not always stay with the same children, some go to mainstream and others are put into different classes .

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 17:20

Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:05

We only have the number of one who’s party we recently went to ( she’s one of the ones who has replied ) as our kids are taken and dropped off by several buses depending which area you live so you never see other parents . Surely it’s just manners though right ?

Show quote history

How did you get their invites to them? Are you sure they received them?

Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 17:24

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 17:20

How did you get their invites to them? Are you sure they received them?

Show quote history

My dd took them in and gave them out . There’s only 9 kids and her . Plus two from another class who she plays with. Two from other class have Rsvpd so I know some got them , however I’ve no idea if they all were given to parents etc

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 17:25

Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 17:24

My dd took them in and gave them out . There’s only 9 kids and her . Plus two from another class who she plays with. Two from other class have Rsvpd so I know some got them , however I’ve no idea if they all were given to parents etc

Show quote history

That might be your problem…

Original poster
Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 19:15

Surprisinglyeasy · 21/05/2025 16:21

There’s no class WhatsApp group?
you have never had friends over?
your daughter never gone to a friend’s house?
this was the only party invite you’ve ever received?

how long has she been at the school?!

Show quote history

No there’s no class whattsapp, we never meet other parents as they are taken to school and brought home in a minibus .she has been at the school for three years , she has been to a friends house, but that friend left last year and goes to mainstream school. She has friends over, but not from school as none live near here .she recently went to a party and that child has responded that they are coming . She has also been invited to a few parties in her other years but those kids are not in her class anymore . It’s not like the U.K. where the whole class stays together and moves up.Also many of the parents do not speak anything other than their own language eg Arabic ,or Spanish which I presume is why their kids are in this school .

OP posts:
Itdidnttakelong · 24/05/2025 14:47

Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:30

Some kids are there purely because they can’t attend mainstream as they don’t have a good grasp of the language ( parents may not be native speakers etc .

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So not a special SEN school?

Itdidnttakelong · 24/05/2025 14:48

Swiftie1878 · 21/05/2025 17:25

That might be your problem…

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Almost certainly

I doubt these parents have seen the invite

Itdidnttakelong · 24/05/2025 14:49

Dandymum45 · 21/05/2025 16:46

I checked the invites had the correct number . Two from another class that she plays with have confirmed , but yes i suppose it could be that they are still in a bag or been mislaid … my husband printed a little polite reminder asking if they could let us know yes or know by this Friday 23 rd , but still nothing as yet ..

Show quote history

How did the parents get the polite little reminder? Also your dd bringing in to hand out?

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