Is it normal to feel this way about having a second child?

[Rosebush1245]

Are you ever fully ready to do it all over again?

We have both mutually agreed that we should TTC at the end of this year so that we would have a 3-4 year age gap (all going well) with our son.

Sometimes I get cold feet about doing it all again. I always imagined having 2 children but I keep doubting myself if we will cope, I had horrendous anxiety due to previous losses with my son. What if I lose again? How will I cope with a 3 year old and a newborn. Like how do people do it!!

Sometimes I think maybe we should be one and done but myself and DH know deep down we both would love another

I think this is fairly common! I’m due our second shortly and the first is 2. We also knew we wanted 2, and for both us having 2 (subject to fertility was non-negotiable), and wanted a smaller gap to hope that they would play together as we have no cousins and extended family around us.

I’m due any day now and for the whole of pregnancy have been in complete denial that it’s happening, don’t feel remotely ready and not sure how we’ll manage a newborn when life feels hectic enough with 1!

feeling like this, whilst also dealing with the emotions of past losses and anxiety must be incredibly difficult.

I suspect everyone feels like this.

And as with your first - you just muddle along, largely cope with it, and eventually things are a bit easier again.

I suppose a positive with a second is you are already adjusted to a life with kids, and you know nothing lasts forever!

3-4 years is a great gap, our have 3 years 8 months between them, and 3 school years. The oldest is usually potty trained, can dress themself, feed themself, help out a bit, are past nap stage so you don't have to worry about trying to get 2 down on your own. I wont lie, the first few weeks with number 2, I was thinking 'what the hell have we done', but by 3 months we were in a great routine, oldest started Reception so I only had baby for much of the day, it was very doable.

I had bad PND after number 1 so I definitely had to think long and hard about having a 2nd, but I'm so glad we did, it was actually much easier as I was much more chilled.

Don't be afraid of a bigger age gap if you're not yet ready. 6 Years between my sister and I and we're thick as thieves.

I’ve also considered this as well. Originally we said 3 year age gap, then 5-6 years now we’ve gone back to 3 year gap

That's a good gap all going well your 3 year old can be in pre school nursery so you can split your time and it's not so.full on, I purposely had 4ish years between mine because the thought of a baby and toddler made me come out in hives 😀 it really worked well for me/us, I think apprehension is normal though.

@Rosebush1245 The other thing to bare in mind, is that 3 year age gap is potentially going to materialize into a constant stress of one child or the other doing GCSEs / A levels / Uni all at once.