Grandparents favouring other grandchildren

[RoseHiker]

Live close to grandparents. Have 3 kids one being 5 months old. Ask them to visit but they don't and visit other grandchildren. Feeling hurt. Am I being unreasonable? Don't want them to visit to look after the children. I just want them to have a good relationship with the children.

"... Or clean her house so she could see my son"?

My nan was exactly like this with me and my brothers - she blatantly favoured our cousins. She is a horrible woman and I ended up going no contact in the end as things came to a head when I had my own children and she wasn’t interested. She has never met my two gorgeous girls, and that’s her loss.

My MIL favours my SIL’s children over mine and I find it very triggering due to my own bad experiences but I just tell myself that she will be the one to miss out. I do not make any effort and wait for her to make the first move.

My parents adore my babies and I make a big effort to see my friends with children of a similar age often so they have lots of wonderful people around them.

MIL always favoured DHs brothers kids. My DC noticed early on. They know the score and act accordingly, often calling MIL out with just the right amount of humour … latest one was at Easter when MIL said “I haven’t got you an egg as I know you don’t like chocolate” DCs reply was “are you joking, have you met me?! I bloody love chocolate !” … other GC are v fussy & dairy free🤣

Do you visit them?

@FedupofArsenalgame all the time

Yep. And what's funny is when their parents did it they critisised!

My ils got their rewards..... Once sil's dc grew up to not need childcare they basically disappeared from their lives.. Not even any calls in Covid times...
Only 1 of my 4 adult dc bothers with their dgps....

Are these your parents or your husband’s? In my experience grandparents are often closer to their daughter’s children than their son’s. I think it’s because their daughters make more of an effort than their sons do, again not always but often.

If they are you in laws, how much effort does your husband make with his parents and facilitating their relationship with your children? Does he make as much effort as you do with your own mother?

My own children were far closer to my MIL than my own mother but that’s because my ML was a lovely woman I was happy to spend time with and my mum was less so. But I see with so many of my friends that they speak to and see their own parents regularly while their husbands might make a ten minute call once every few weeks.
So if these are you in laws your husband needs to take the lead on this

all the times I’ve come across favourites its the daughters kids.
i think its perhaps daughters are better retaining a closer relationship with their mother but perhaps it more likley a mother finds it easier to boss her daughter around than her DIL.

Also if daughter goes round with grandkids there is something to reminisce about.

My ILs have little to no relationship with our children but are extremely involved in their other g children’s lives. I try to tell myself it’s not personal, they’re just ‘childcared out’ by the other set of cousins. Those kids also need more support than ours due to various circumstances.
I don’t know, anything to make me care less really as I’ve spent so long being upset by it.
My friend is going through the same thing. Sadly I think it’s really common.

@AnniesMother sounds similar situation here. Hope you okay