Would you consider this person a hypocrite?

[itsnicetobenice99]

I wasn’t sure how to word the title, sorry. But I’m just curious to see if any of you know someone like this, and if so, how do you deal with it? Or how do you stop it from driving you mad?

I have a friend who seems to disagree with EVERYTHING I say and down plays everything. I don’t care if people disagree with me, but I know this person chops and changes their opinions to suit themselves.

This is a terrible example, but I had a moan earlier because someone nearly drove into the side of me (I was waiting in traffic, about to go, when a parked car next to me decided to pull out without warning. There wasn’t enough space for them to get through without hitting my car so I had to press the horn. They gave me attitude but it was fine and I carried on). However, I mentioned this to my friend, and she acted as though I was being dramatic and that she would never get annoyed over something so trivial. She has, on a few occasions, been aggressive towards other drivers whilst I’ve been in the car with her so I couldn’t really understand her point.

As I said it’s a terrible example. There’s plenty more but it just frustrates me that she changes her opinion to suit herself in that particular moment / conversation. Does that make sense?

No, it doesn’t make much sense.

@MoistVonL sorry, my bad. I’m not really sure how to put it differently. Essentially, we have both experienced similar situations and responded in the same way, yet she acts as if she has not or would not respond that way and insists I’m wrong for reacting that way. She pulls this kind of thing in a lot of our conversations.

Some people like to play ‘devils advocate’ which is fine now and again, and has its place.

But if she’s disagreeing with everything you say, but you hear her then saying the opposite days later (say you said you liked prawns, and she said they are awful, but a few weeks later she orders them in a restaurant and you mentions she said she didn’t like them, and she tells you she’s never said that). She’s either gaslighting you, an argumentative twat or has such poor social skills she things disagreeing is the only way to hold a conversation, I’d limit the time you spend with her. I personally couldn’t be arsed with someone like that

I think I get what you mean. I had a “friend” like this, more of a colleague. Would not be friends outside of work but she would be nice but if I had an opinion on things she would agree then start changing her mind when we discussed it at a deeper level, changing her mind to a different point of view that wasn’t relevant to what we had originally been discussing. I understand my friends will have a different opinion on things but I think it was the way she was going about it, stating things as fact rather than opinion, very argumentive and defensive. I and everyone around her grew tired of her and she ended up with no friends and left.

My teenagers do this! It’s oppositional thinking - I’m not sure if it’s a lack of empathy or a need to show they have their own opinion.

I get what you mean. Not sure the word hypocrite quite fits though..

I can’t think what the actual word/term is though 🤔

she’s definitely contrary and like a pp said sounds like she’s playing devil’s advocate.

I had a flat mate who would disagree with everything I said. It became infuriating over time. She was miserable in her own life and had to try drag everyone else down to make herself feel better. She was jealous of everyone over everything.

Any opinion I expressed, no matter the topic, was met with her scrunching her nose up and saying the opposite. She would often make herself look stupid by saying things that were obviously not true or that didn’t correspond to things she had said/done in the past. She just couldn’t help herself but say ‘NO, ACTUALLY…’ every time I spoke, I could tell when it was coming before I had even finished a sentence. I distanced myself from her completely, as had everyone else in her life.

Your friend sounds like a contrarian, someone who invariably opposes what is said to them. They can be very wearing. I used to work with someone like this. On the rare occasions they didn't disagree with what was said, they would spend ages explaining to me why I was right.

Hypocrisy is more long term behaviour, e.g. banging on about the sanctity of marriage while having a lover on the side.

I think many people do this to people like that. I don’t understand why they would act like that? Surely a very lonely life?

Contrarian?
I think it is a recognised personality disorder known as opposional defiant disorder. Not sure at what level you would classify it as that though. Is it argumentative or just tedious?

Ok, then probably I’d say contrary or argumentative rather than hypocritical - taking the opposite stance of what you say no matter what that is. Always looking to wrong foot you, maybe?

Yes to contrarian. My question is why you would voluntarily be around someone whose company sounds so tiresome?

She just sounds like a twat to me. I had a friend like this once and I dealt with it by getting rid of her. She was so bloody draining due to the constant negativity but her failure to realise the things she looked down on for others often applied to her too.

I couldn’t understand it either, I’d never met anyone like her. It was so draining. I think she really just wanted to seem intelligent and for people to say ‘oh yes, you’re actually right, what I said was wrong’ even about the most mundane things like your favourite flavour of crisps. She didn’t have a good relationship with her family so sometimes I wondered was it because of the way she acts, or was she just unknowingly mimicking how she had been treated by parents/siblings growing up.

It could be a case of she wants to look more intelligent than you. By putting you down and saying your opinion or what you did was incorrect with “well, actually…” she’s trying to make herself look like she knows more or is better than you.

I work with a guy like this and my colleagues find him exhausting. You can’t do anything without him “well, actually it’s x y z” even if he’s not correct. I see it as he is trying to look like he knows better. When he’s proven to be incorrect he tries to make out we didn’t explain it properly so he’s still right 😂

Yes, I know people like it. Minimising your experience but when it happens to them it's different. I wouldn't want a friend like that, quite honestly. Friends are supposed to support each other.

I think of this behavior as contrary rather that hypocritical. But that's splitting hairs, really.

I think it’s both because if they minimise your experience but when they experience the same thing they make a big deal, their behaviour is hypocritical.

Yes she is hypocritical. I know someone like that who minimises my experiences but on experiencing the same, she complains. I think such people have double standards- one for them, one for others. Perhaps due to low empathy and impatience, also because they like their own voice over listening to you.

edited for a typo.

I have a family member like this, no fun at all and find myself avoiding any in-depth conversation as it just gets tedious!

also anything you say you’ve done they have more experience even if you know it’s not true.

I think often it comes from bring insecure but it’s very annoying so you have my sympathy!