To not help DS16?

[DylanKeogh]

Feeling torn here. DS16 has booked festival tickets for this weekend. He's friends with a girl who there is a bit of history with. She's not been very nice to him in the past but he will not have a bad word said about her. I in the past have probably said too much as he calls me pathetic for hating on a 16yr girl as a woman of 43. The girl asked him to go to this festival, he goes & books a weekend ticket.

Turns out the girl is going with her Mum. DS asks for a lift there but she says she's staying in a hotel. DS says ok, he'll stay in the same hotel, will her Mum be the responsible adult as he's under 18 & can't stay alone but of course he'll pay for it. Then, they're now staying with friends. DS says could he have a lift back after the second day then but apparently the girl's parents were out so she couldn't ask. He's asked again but she now hasn't answered.

I'm trying to rearrange my weekend to go with DS so he's not alone. I've said I could. He's asked a mate to go with him but his mate's not keen. His mate says this is typical behaviour from the girl. Turns out there's no transport this weekend on the trains. It's a limited bus replacement service which means he can't get home on Sunday. If I did go it means leaving DD15 home alone this weekend, spending quite a bit staying over in a hotel & missing a friend's 60th birthday party.

AIBU for trying to save him from wasting money & having a bad weekend? Should I let him learn the hard way (& keep my mouth closed about the girl?)

He needs to give the festival a miss, and this girl a swerve!

He’s old enough to manage his own transport and social life.

Leave him to it and if he isn’t having fun, he can come home!

Let him deal with it himself. Don't be jumping through hoops because of this girl. Losing a bit of money and/or having a shit time might help him to realise she isn't a good friend

Has he asked you or are you offering up yourself as a solution?
I'd try and encourage him to sort something out himself, sell the ticket or lose the money on the ticket.

This. Why were no arrangements made?

Personally I think age 16 is too young in the circumstances you describe with the girl/ transport / accommodation etc complicating things. Could you and both DSs go?

I wouldn’t be changing my weekend to go with him. Maybe if he can’t go he will realise that the girl is a bit of an idiot too.

I'd leave him to it. He won't necessarily have a bad time and if he is he can come home earlier.

That's crap for him.

He definitely needs your support to recognise this isn't a good person for him. Don't lecture him, it'll make him defensive.

I'd encourage him to accept he's wasted the money and help him to make other plans.
I think I'd offer him a bit of money towards the lost ticket, to ease the sting a bit.

To be fair to DS, he's not asked me to get involved at all. He reckons he'll be fine on his own. My anxiety is through the flippin roof worrying (possibly unnecessarily) so I'm trying to help?
I asked DD15 if she'd come with us but it's not her thing. She doesn't do crowds, has some GCSE revision to do & isn't a massive fan of the bands.
I'd love him to realise the girl is a bit of a twat. She's a sly, devious one also.

No need for the edit! I wholeheartedly agree with the first version! 👌

Transport links to and from festivals aren’t always easy and op has said there are no trains on the Sunday. Sounds like he’s got it bad for this girl and she is messing him around. I can imagine he will find himself stuck at the festival, alone, waiting around for this girl and her mum and then having to make his own accommodation and transport arrangements. It’s quite a lot for a solo 16 year old. I would be advising him to sack the whole thing off. It sounds like it will be miserable for him, all for the sake of impressing a girl who is giving him the runaround.

Leave him to it.

he’s unlikely to be in any danger, worst case he’ll have some uncomfortable nights.

I thought it was a bit harsh of me but I’m glad 😂

OP, the trouble with the lack of transport is: if he does go, how will he get back? Might he hitch? Will he be safe? The whole thing sounds like a recipe for disaster - does he need a responsible adult, or just to stay in a hotel? If he doesn’t stay in the hotel, where will he stay? I know that at sixteen, he probably considers himself old enough to go on his own, but he really isn’t - and you absolutely should not have to leave your DD and forego a party simply because he hasn’t tied down arrangements. I think he should give up on the festival, and learn the hard lesson that some people (and this girl) can’t be relied on.