Partner moans / isn’t giving me money

[Mumtobe888]

Hello, just want some opinions on this situation, if I’m being silly or not.
So I’m currently on maternity leave, four months in so I’m on half my pay.
My partner sent me £800 at the beginning of the month and this was all spent on bills and my wage paid the rent (995).
I have asked several times for money for shopping, petrol etc and he just won’t give me any? He keeps saying im going to waste it, I had to buy nappies, wipes and milk today and had to use my credit card.
He has money left over after giving me £800 but I get my wage and it’s spent literally the next day for our rent.
I told him I’ll go back to work early as I don’t want to be without money and he said I’m a pathetic mother if that’s all I care about and I’m blackmailing him into giving me money by threatening to send our daughter to the childminders early (her brother already goes there so feel comfortable her going).
I just feel like a child asking for pocket money almost and not an adult.
he said when he gets paid again he will give me some money, but I can see he has some cash in his wallet which he has took to hiding the past few nights, obviously worried I’ll help myself after moaning so much.
when I brought it up again today he just said don’t start this again and didn’t want to know. Our relationship has been far from perfect and since having my daughter four months ago he hasn’t helped with her at all.
hes never changed her nappy, never got up with her in the night (he co sleeps with our son), never washed or made a bottle. When I say this he just says I’m at work from 6am till 5pm when do I have time, but the days he is home early or home at the weekend he still doesn’t do anything for her?
I just feel really shitty, I don’t think he appreciates anything I do and at work I felt appreciated if that makes sense. Obviously I love my children and spending time with them, but I have no help 6 days a week and it’s been a lot.
when my LO was only a month old I called him crying becuase I was so overwhelmed and he told me not to stress him out at work.
I think perhaps I’m making this sound worse than it is, but just feeling down about it and don’t know who to talk too.

I can guarantee you you pay more for shared costs than he does

This should all have been nailed down before circumstances changed (baby).

Before we had a baby we managed all bills and mortgage proportionally (i.e. one of us earned 55% so they paid 55% of the bills).

We’ve decided to value whichever parent is doing childcare in the same way we value the one that is working so whilst we’ve been in the midst of maternity/paternity/shared parental leave we have changed our approach. Any money from working plus child benefit get combined. Bills/mortgage come out, each of us get half of what is left to do with as we choose. There is no way the parent at home all day with a baby should go without when between us we have ample income, whilst the working parent has money.

This exact approach won’t work for everyone but unless you can agree an equitable split, he’s financially abusing you.

Complete prick, start arrangements to leave

He's financially abusing you. You shouldn't be paying an equal amount to him when you are only getting half your income because you are in maternity leave. You should be either paying proportionately to your incomes or all money should go into the family pot, the bills should be paid and fun money should be split equally. You aren't at home on a jolly. You are at home because you have just had a baby. His baby.

He is literally valuing money and his welfare over you and his children.

This man will not give the mother of his children cash he has in his wallet to buy nappies for his children whilst she is off work recovering from birth.

This man will not put himself out in any way to ease the burden on the women he’s meant to love who is 4 months post partum and has voiced that she is struggling.

This man will hide cash rather than spend it on the needs of his children.

Just process this and please please realise that this man is not worth you and your children

He is abusing you and your children.

It is utterly unacceptable to be leaving you without money for basic supplies.

He won’t improve. Leave now and don’t subject your children to a lifetime of this.

Threads like this. So many times you see that the woman can't or is reluctant to leave because "the kids adore him"

Always an abusive man but the kids always adore him.

Do an advanced search for "kids adore him" and see just how often the phrase is used

Hes a cunt

You need to focus on leaving this man.

Probably because they are never around and do very little parenting so when they do see them its a massive treat for the kid.

This is so sad to read. This is financial abuse first of all. Can you get through until you go back to work and slowly start saving to leave him? He sounds like the pits and he won’t get better or change in time.

If you have loving family I would move in with them and leave him to pay the rent, and tell him what the child support is. He’s not a partner at all if he’s not supporting you either practically with a baby or financially while you care for baby, you’re understating how bad he is if anything. I couldn’t give a shit if the kids adore him, they are teeny and it’s your job as parents to provide a home with people who love them so they understand that they deserve that. They can go visit daddy.

You are appreciated! But you just can't see the appreciation yet! Not until they grow up and appreciate what a great mum you are! And get a credit card in he's name!😉🤣
Just try and be around family and friends as much as possible for help and support and take action on any advice your gut tells you is good advice! The sooner the better! Keep going Mum!

You shouldn’t be paying the same though as you are in maternity leave. He should be paying a lot more than you! What about your pension, is he topping that up too? Sounds like you do all the work and suffer financially for it!

Exactly. But gratitude from a child on the rare sighting of a parent isn't a reason to screw up the rest of their childhood

I think staying with him would mess up their childhood

Glad you agree