To be a bit frustrated with my mum?

[BakPain]

A few weeks ago it was my birthday. For weeks before hand my mum was constantly asking what I wanted - I kept saying I didn’t know as I’d be happy with just a card. This is true as anything I want or need - I’ve probably already bought. But she kept on so I said one thing I really needed was these very specific pencils. I was going to buy them myself but never got around to it. They were £30 and I wasn’t sure of her budget so I said I’d be more than happy to put towards them if they were over budget. She wouldn’t hear of it and asked for a link. I sent her the Amazon link. The pencils were very specific and I made this quite clear (hence why I was happy to contribute towards them). She got the link and said she’d order them.

(I make my living through art, hence why I was specific!)

So my birthday came and went - no pencils 😂 but she said she had ordered them, they just havnt arrived yet. I thought this was odd as the Amazon link said next day delivery. Anyway I was happy to wait. This morning she said my pencils had arrived! Yay! Only they were not the pencils from the link 🤦‍♀️ I feel awful and ungrateful but I’ll never use these - I’ll end up giving them to my daughter. And now I have to buy the actual pencils I need which is the rest of my birthday money gone (I’d put that aside for some specific paper I really need).

Im just frustrated, she has form for doing this and I don’t know why. I do know she’s obsessed with a certain online shop so probably thought she could get something “similar” on there.

I know it’s not a huge deal but AIBU to be a bit frustrated about it? She was the one nagging me to tell her what I wanted, I would have been happy with a card but when pushed - I gave in. Wish I’d just said chocolate!

Ah, so frustrating. Someone in my family does this. Asked what the teen would like for their bday
Me: Vouchers please for specific shop as saving up for big item, or cash for same reason.
"Oh they can't just have a voucher, what else can I get them, they won't have a present to open?"
Me: Honestly, the teen is fine with no presents to open and would really like a cash or voucher contribution towards the item.
They spend (not exaggerating) easily £40 on random shit like books (too young), Lego (used to like it when they were younger) and toiletry sets. And a £10 voucher.

Well you said you were going to give them to your daughter so do I guess you do that then.

My mum does exactly the same thing. She will hound me asking for ideas, then when I tell her something, she will buy the opposite/something of her choosing. In my case, it's a control thing. My mam has to be in control. If she thinks I'm not "grateful enough" for the opposite of what I've asked for, she kicks off. It's exhausting.

My mum does this, too. She will get a cheaper version of what I wanted, even if what I asked for was £20.

If she’s like my (batshit) mother it’s like the act of asking you is equivalent to actually getting the thing if that makes sense so once they’ve asked and asked that’s it they aren’t going to actually put any effort in.

that’s probably why you like I do the I don’t want anything I’m not bothered as we are shielding ourself from disappointment .But sometimes you get lured in and think this time it will be different.

mine has actually now given up and pretence of asking and puts £30 in a generic Tesco card. Still disappointing but better than her pretending to bother. My father in law in contrast who is nearly 90 would be mortified if he didn’t get me a fabulous card and a generous present, my husband facilitates the present buying but he will always ring my husband to enquire what I want.

YANBU.

My dad is like this, always looking to pinch a penny wherever he can. It's exhausting. His mother used to do it, and we'd laugh. Now he does it and genuinely doesn't recognise that he's just like her.

When my mum does it, it's like she thinks I'm not worth something a bit decent/something I really want.

If she has form I’d do the oh Amazon have sent wrong ones and give back to her to return.

I only do amazon links with my Dad as he lives rurally and is unlikely to do any research on anything else. It's quite expensive probably as neither of us has Amazon Prime. But we have a set annual gift budget that we both follow.

With DM she is very likely to go off piste so she gives me cash.