To think that therapy culture has made people too obsessed with themselves?

[TheTidyShark]

Self-reflection is good. Narcissistic self-obsession isn’t.

A narcissist would never seek help because they’d never accept they have an issue.
Anyone else looking to reflect and understand their own behaviour or triggers, or recover from trauma, whether they can afford to pay for formal therapy, access the freedom programme or just be guided by useful or accurate information online, go for it. Whatever works for you.
Now telling the world about it to seek more likes on social media, that’s a different thing.

And no reputable couples counsellor would take on that couple, anyway.

I said YABU due to I think you need more context. Therapy for someone who has been abused or is dealing with grief or a drug addiction then no it’s not an issue, it can be life changing. Therapy because you’re a little sad (not depressed) or don’t like the way your nose looks, say superficial problems I think yes you are correct.

I don’t think it’s therapy culture so much as instatherapy culture.

I get so many completely batshit ads on social media by swivel-eyed ‘relationship coaches’ peddling completely bonkers advice that will never improve anyone’s relationships. All based on the idea that we all deserve and are entitled to whatever we want from other people. And anyone who doesn’t do and say exactly what we want them to all the time is a narcissist or playing mind games or avoidant and terrified of true intimacy.

It’s no surprise the world is in the state it’s in.

True narcissists wouldn’t dream of seeking therapy. Anxiety is a normal human emotion. Pp who said social media drives obsessive anxiety with young people is spot on.

I didn't vote and I think it depends. I had some short duration therapy and while it helped a bit I think I had therapist who projected themselves on to me and I ended up trying to please. It was weird. I agree that too much navel gazing is bad but sometimes I think therapy can be really helpful.

I think sometimes now the feeling is that everyone feels as if they are damaged and need therapy and yet most can't access it so the feel like they are being held back in not having access.

I've watched a couple of episodes of Change your Mind, Change your Life on BBC1 and therapy seems to have given some perspectives and tools to help 🤔. Turning theory into action is difficult though.

I have read a few books about this

the dangerous rise of therapeutic education
the coddling of the American kind
the anxious generation
bad therapy

and all have pretty convincing arguments that therapy can do more harm than good if not used properly.

ive just had a significant bereavement and I am considering some form of counselling/ psychotherapy for the first time in my life aged 41. I hope it is useful!

I am having counselling at the moment over a specific issue and in order to better parent my child. It is very helpful to hear myself say solutions to things and to hear myself validate my own feelings / thoughts. The therapist says barely anything. However I did find the bits about looking into my childhood hard because ultimately my childhood was great and I'm just overwhelmed and terrified cos my kid's unwell.

SO true. What gets me is the virtue signalling around mental health. And also all of these ‘well-being’ gurus with not a qualification to their name. Urgh.

Couldn’t agree more, OP!

Far too much navel gazing is not healthy.

Much therapy is just so self obsessed and going over and over old stuff and blaming parents etc isn’t imo helpful. Far better to say “something shit happened… now, look towards the future and stop hyper focusing on the past”.

I often read on here about people with mh waiting for therapy like they think it’ll cure them. Therapy doesn’t change the thing/s it just makes to obsess over them and blame them for everything. I don’t think it’s helpful (for me). I’m willing to accept that some people have found therapy beneficial, but I think it’s very dependant on the person and the therapist.

It’s not therapy culture cos most people haven’t had therapy it’s social media that makes people feel like everyone needs to know about them and their opinions. Everyone now wants their fifteen minutes.

Therapy changes everything it’s amazing and you are clearly completely uneducated in it

I tried it and hated it. You having a different opinion doesn’t make mine less valid. Does talking down to people you don’t know on the internet make you feel better about yourself?

no i just feel good cos of the therapy 😂😂

Well, they would - and they do - but they only do so for show and as a means of trying to lie to or manipulate people even more. They have no interest in actually changing or understanding why they act a certain way - other than to use it as an excuse/a way to avoid responsibility/a way to learn to better manipulate people and get what they want. Many narcissists also have socio/psychopathic traits (or are full on socio/psychopaths) so they can be utterly fascinated by therapy as a way of controlling people and making it easy to manipulate them. The difference of course being they have absolutely no interrest in changing themselves or becoming a "better" or "kinder" person: Therapy is just another tool. Similar to the reason why such people know what the difference between right and wrong is as a concept - but not as a feeling. It's no surprise that some of the more famous narcissists (real or characters) either were shrinks/doctors, or had a fascination with the subject.

I'm sorry you had that experience. But there are many kinds of therapy and many kinds of therapists. Just because you hated the one experience you had doesn't mean you couldn't have a much better experience in future. To give you a very broad comparison: it's like saying you hate reading because you tried reading a book and you hated it, and therefore you think you will hate reading all books. Or apply the same idea to exercise: you tried running, you hated it, and therefore you think you'll hate all kinds of exercise (though if you tried scuba diving or skiing you might absolutely love them and they might change your life for the better).

It usually does take a few tries to figure out a therapist you actually click with and who does the kind of therapy focus that will be most helpful for your situation.

I'm not trying to convince you to try again - frankly it makes no difference to me at all what you do - but more to try to help a reader of this post who might be put off therapy because of reading your post.

1. it would be helpful to know more about what you mean by the term "therapy culture" - and if there is a "therapy culture" why do you think that has developed? And why do you think it's unhelpful?
2. What do you think is "good therapy" versus "bad therapy"?

I agree that narcissism isn't good - but that's almost a truism. But there have been loads of narcissists who are self-obsessed all throughout history. The difference today is that perhaps people have a better understanding - or access to information to give them a better understanding - of what those traits are and red flags to be aware of and avoid. There is certainly more discussion of those things now, which can only be a good thing, because ignorance is certainly not bliss when it comes to this stuff. If that's "therapy culture" then hooray for therapy culture.

Kind of like OP 😂

”therapy culture” is a ridiculous statement to make when it’s well known that it’s nigh on impossible to get therapy on the NHS even for the very unwell. Only the rich can afford it privately because it’s ££££ and most people I know are focused on paying bills not running up more via therapy.

I’ll take a wild guess that the answer will be no!

op how many people in your circle are having/have had therapy? And how is what you describe manifesting itself? Does someone have boundaries when previously you’ve been able to walk all over them? I think it’s fairly well established that narcissists don’t tend to go to therapy, it’s those that have been affected by them .

You don’t become a narcissist from going to therapy.