To not give unsolicited advice?

[DyslexicPoster]

There's a mum at school who's daughter with a EHCP hasn't been offered the SEN school she wanted for her key stage transfer this coming September.

She has a right of appeal and there is scope to get these appeals fast tracked as it's a key stage transfer. I asked months ago if she was going to lodge a appeal just in case talks with the LA didn't work out as our LA is notoriously alfwul at this stuff. Last week she was still waiting to hear about a trail day at her preferred school before appealing.

I read on a forum yesterday that appeals that have already been lodged aren't being heard now until September so she has missed the opportunity to appeal before term starts. Worse, she's not going to get a appeal date until well into the term. However there's a chance she will be offered the school she wants making this whole thing moot.

I went to send her the link then thought to myself. She has never asked for this advice. It's too late anyway to appeal now and have it heard before term starts. I'm pretty sure I have already told her I would have appealed at the first opportunity and then cancelled the appeal if it was sorted while I waited. So I had all bases covered.

The reason is another person I knew didn't appeal until last minute and her sons appeal was held in April 25 for September 24 start and that child was out of education until the hearing.

But when I was composing the message I just thought "you've already given her your thoughts, she has never asked for your advice on this". So I just deleted it. I want to help so good intentions but? I'm not going to send it. Just not sure I was right to butt out.

You are not being unreasonable to want to help, but may come across as overbearing if you approach her again about this.
Perhaps do it through the SENDCo at Primary school? Talk to them/send the link and say you think mum X should know about it, but you don’t want to overstep?

Good luck ! x

I wouldn’t class this as “unsolicited advice”: you’re passing on some factual information directly related to something she’s presumably spoken with you about, not getting on your soap box to give her your personal opinion about something in her life that you’ve observed. It’s fine not to want to get involved, it’s up to you, but I think there’s a difference between the two things which puts one in the “useful heads up” category and the other the “wading in uninvited with my piece” category.

Yes it's not based on my opinion, it's a fact.

I think I will ask her how it's going when I see her later in the week and take it from there. Then if I do think I should mention it it can be more causal and just say "I hear that new listings are being held for after September now" and put it out there.

Tricky as my instinct says be a good friend and help her but my guts saying I've mentioned this before albeit before I knew about the term start thing.

Some parents look for advice and get ahead of things because that is what they are like.

They would automatically go looking for advice from those more experienced.

Some just let things happen.

You could ask in passing has she reached out for advice etc.

If she blows doing that off and dismisses doing it, then leave her to it to do it her way.

She is definitely more of a "see how things turn out and hope for the best" person that's true. But I know she is also stressed about the outcome for her child.

I think this is the crux of it. I'm proactive and try to cover all bases under my control as soon as I see a possible major issue. I'm beginning to realise this isn't the norm.

Because I have seen the other friends child out of school in this same situation for 8 months it's worrying me this could have the same outcome. Although it's a likely possibility, It's not a certainty and my friends hope for the best and don't think or plan for the worse might just pay off.

We talk about it and she's worried. She knows I have experience of this but she hasn't ever said "I don't know what to do" or "what do you think I should do" so she her plan already. I just worry she hasn't got all the facts of plan B.

Anyway thanks for the sounding board. I will ask how it's going and remember not to say "I think you should... or I would do this if was you" just let her know the facts of the appeal timeframe and it's her choice how to digest that info

I think you have to let her live her life her way, unless something needs urgent attention.

She's making you feel uncomfortable by being less proactive than you would be, but she isn't actually doing anything that warrants an intervention - she is engaged with education system so you can step back.

If it comes up in conversation then pass on what info you have.