Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ignorance and disabled

6 replies

Tunis2424 · 20/05/2025 00:44

My friend is disabled but everyone who knows him like me , over looks that and he's no different to any of us. We've been a group of friends for years now. We are all in our 50s and some are married , some are divorced and some are playing the field . My friend isn't in a wheelchair or anything , it's more his spine I think but because we've always known him he's one of us and dont need to know what his physical disability is. What I have a problem with and I know he struggles with it too is other people ,, usually teenagers or guys aged possibly aged 20 to 30 ish who laugh amongst themselves about him and comment to each other or even mimic his disability. I can see my friend struggling with their ignorance by being hurt and embarrassed too. He stopped coming out with us one time because I heard on the grape vine that he didn't want any of us getting into a fight by sticking up for him. I can see him surveying places we go into to see if there's anyone he thinks might take the mick. It really isn't fair. It's no use saying ignore these people but trust me , some are so obvious it's hard to miss so God knows how he must feel. Hes 57 years old he shouldnt be having to put up with it What do any of you think i should say to him to help him through those moments?

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 20/05/2025 04:58

OP, if you go out with a group of friends and you see someone taking the mick out of your disabled friend, then I think you need to challenge their behaviour as a group - no getting into a fight, no bad language, just call them out on their poor behaviour and tell them they are being bullies. Even if they come back with some smartarse remarks, they will be ashamed.

TheBig50 · 20/05/2025 05:04

Ignore the trolls.

Dickhead blokes out on the piss are always going to find something or someone to jeer at.
It's a true shame that he lets these idiots control his life ultimately.
There's no arguing with or, trying to reason with ignorant.

If it's not your friend it will be another man/woman/girl... That's what makes their night, so they can slosh pints and whoop like humanity never evolved.

They'd never have the balls to get in a fight if challenged. It's all male bravado. You can bet at least one of them is embarrassed if they are called out.
I worked in town centre pubs with dickheads, more unfortunately I've lived and worked in village pubs with the truly ignorant.
When called out they'd apologise. I've never known a fight to ensue. They don't want to fight.

CurlySueAndBillToo · 20/05/2025 05:24

I was born with a disability and sometimes use a wheelchair. My disability is very visible but like you my friends and family are used to it and don’t think about it.

Ive been mocked and insulted about it many times, I’ve had people taking photos since camera phones came out, even if I was out with my young son many years back.

It gets to a point where you’ve had enough, sometimes our skin can only be so thick or our self esteem can only take so much. Something we never asked for or chose to be is used against us daily. It’s not just about you getting into a fight for him it’ll also be thinking about how awkward and uncomfortable it must make you feel too. He’s likely to be protecting you as well as himself.

Society and adults especially has gone to shit with disabled people. I had on the whole a far better time as a disabled child, with hardly any problems at school than I ever do as a grown adult.

It won’t just be when he goes out socialising, it’s also when you’re doing the most mundane things like shopping, or picking up some much needed medication. I always liken it to being super famous, without the money or the fans, but that level of people looking at you, commenting about you, nudging their pal, taking a sneaky pic.

Let him pick the places he’s more comfortable with, if you’ve noticed he’s not coming out offer to do a night in with you all, give him time to repair his confidence and self esteem again.

Pandimoanymum · 20/05/2025 06:41

It won’t just be when he goes out socialising, it’s also when you’re doing the most mundane things like shopping, or picking up some much needed medication. I always liken it to being super famous, without the money or the fans, but that level of people looking at you, commenting about you, nudging their pal, taking a sneaky pic.

This! I was born with a visible physical disability and I've never thought about it like this, but this is absolutely what it's like! I've still never got entirely used to being stared at and I'm in my 50s now.

ChopstickNovice · 20/05/2025 06:45

On a night out, some lad once made fun of my friend in a wheelchair. I went over and said, "excuse me, can you explain what's funny about her?"

He couldn't. He didn't apologise but I hope it gave him food for thought.

Tunis2424 · 20/05/2025 20:14

I'm afraid those days are long gone. You don't know whose carrying knives etc. I know these ignorant people aren't educated but I feel sorry for my mate

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page