To feel so overwhelmed?

[Helluvabrush]

I’m a co-parent to a wonderful 4yr old DC, the light of my life and I genuinely adore being a mother.
Ex and I rub along okay most of the time but he can be very very difficult at times, I guess that’s by the by.
I have great support in terms of grandparents who are more than happy to help out if I need them to, I realise I am fairly privileged in this respect.

But I feel so so exhausted all of the time, I think I really struggle with being the one who has to do everything when it’s my time. The cooking, cleaning, washing, mental load stuff, organising. I put my DC to bed and I often find I can’t bear the thought of cooking my lunch for work the next day, I drag myself through making a packed lunch for DC and even that feels gargantuan some evenings.

I desperately want to just spend time with my DC, playing and being centred on them but I feel like I spend all my time doing things and cooking etc that I’m not spending the quality time with them that I’d like. The alternative Is giving easy, fast food which I don’t want to do, not all of the time anyway.
I sometimes think I’ll leave all other jobs until after DC bedtime but then I’m overwhelmed with everything I have to do in a short time, so I don’t do any of it.
I feel like I’m failing my DC, and myself, I’m just sort of bumbling through life as best I can.
I want to improve my own health and mental wellbeing but I don’t even really know where to start.
it’s almost as if I get this inertia that I’m not sure how to break.

Am I alone with this? Does anyone else feel like this?
How do the alpha mums do it? The ones who are always on time, always on the ball, go to the gym, always have healthy prepared food, house in order, a social life?

You are not alone. I think this is just how it is and I didn’t become the alpha mum you describe: making time for myself to socialise and exercise etc until my youngest turned 4 or so and was in reception. Starting preschool helped a bit but I think once they’re settled into school they’re just at that age of being a bit more independent and the exhaustion and brain fog cleared slightly for me. Maybe others get it earlier but you’re doing it mostly alone by the sounds of it so maybe it’ll take a bit longer.

big hugs

It's a difficult time. The mental load is something else as a parent, and much harder as a single parent.

I have accepted that I can't do everything so some things just don't get done and I've stopped feeling guilty about it. I used to spend a huge amount of time cooking (I like my food), but batch cooking and freezing is just a lifesaver and gives me more time. It's a lovely feeling looking at an organised freezer with labelled containers of home made meals (yep, I'm sad like that). The Batch Lady helped me with this.

I also take the little one out a lot to parks and feel much less overwhelmed. It's just me and them and it feels like quality time more than at home with a thousand thoughts in my brain. I can just appreciate them without the chaos of home. It makes me feel better.

I hope things get easier for you, but it might just be a time to accept things and know it will improve soon.

Edited to add I don't do anything when Dc goes to bed - I'm too tired! But I wake up very early and get it done then.

Don’t plague yourself with comparisons with alpha mums, whoever they are. I’ve never met one irl and if I did, I’d assume it’s a facade. Parenting is hard and quality time is a relatively new concept that just adds more pressure. You’re doing great and it will get easier.

Yeah I think I just feel like I’m always trying to squeeze things in.
@Mopsy567 Yes batch cooking is one thing that really does help a lot actually when I can motivate myself enough to do it. It just makes everything so much simpler so I think I’ll check out the batch lady, thank you.
I also agree about being out and about with DC, it feels somehow much easier to just concentrate on him, whereas when we’re in the house I feel like I should be doing things, but equally I think he sometimes really needs chill time in the house.

Shame parenting doesn’t come with a manual isn’t it.