DD2 first Birthday

[beatrice89]

None of my friends or family came to my daughter’s 1st birthday. I feel low. It’s so important to me to keep a supportive circle around me but I’m struggling. People are busy with their own lives, my family lives hours away and my friends are 30 mins to 45 mins away. I seem to be the one making effort to see old friends a lot but they don’t visit me.

I’ve tried the Peanut app but no one’s really up for meeting up. I work 4 days a week now and am going out for lunch once a week with a colleague which is nice. We moved to a new villiage 7 months ago so I guess things take time. I’d just love to have people pop in for a coffee and me be welcome for a quick catch up at a friends but it seems like people are too busy nowadays.

You have moved away. That’s your problem. I had a meet up with NCT people when DD was one. No great fuss but her grandmas saw her. 3-4 hours is quite a long way so get grandparents involved much earlier. Join a mum and baby club on your day off and anything else that’s available for mums and babies. There will be something.

Did you actually invite them, to a bbq or something to celebrate and they declined?

30mn is not far to meet for a meal once in a while.

If you work 4 days a week, you are not available for people to pop in for a quick coffee either!

Yes invited friends but they had other plans. I only work a few hours a day

Two people including my sister cancelled on the day.

It’s so important to me to keep a supportive circle around me but I’m struggling.

In the nicest way possible, your life isn't their priority. It may be important for you to want a supportive circle - but that depends on them giving you priority above their own lives, families, happenings etc - and if their own lives are hectic, you are not going to be their priority, and rightly so, you can't expect to be their priority.

It'd be nice to have that, but in reality unless you have super close relationships, family and/or friends enmeshed in each other's lives, fostered to be a supportive community - you're not going to get that, you need to change your vision of what you expect, or be constantly let down (in your eyes)

1st birthday parties are for parents I always think

Is there a local playgroup? We moved to a village when DC were 2 and 6 months. There was a weekly village playgroup and that was great for me to meet other local mums as well as get out of the house. That turned into coffee meet-ups occasionally too which made all the difference once DC1 started school and I already knew some of the other parents.

I got carried away with the party I think. I’ve emailed a playgroup that meets on my day off. I’ll look into a women’s group like red tent or something and get some time for me .

@beatrice89 My DDs did a music group and play group at that age. You can build up from there. Get some local friends. It will definitely help.

Is there a church in your village? My village church runs loads of events and weekly baby and toddler groups. There are so many people there who have a genuine interest in building community which is what you are seeking. It could be a good place to look.

It’s hard being a mum to young children with no close friends and family around. You’ve moved away so it will take time to build those relationships elsewhere. We moved to a new area 3 years ago and had our second child. 1st has recently started school and 2nd now at nursery. We are slowly building up a mum network through parties and brief chats at the school gates or nursery pick up. I work 4 long days a week and so it’s difficult. School definitely broadens out opportunities to make new friends. What I’ve realised is that it just takes time and not everyone will be a best friend but with regular meeting it develops slowly to something meaningful. Good luck.

Also to just manage your expectations further on the time to build that network- rural folks can be a bit more insular when it comes to ‘in comers’. It’s more likely other people moving to the area will be open to expanding friendship groups.

Is there a nearby town with more opportunities?

Kindly if you need a support network and want family involvement perhaps you should move to have them nearby. I grew up in a village 40 odd years ago - no one popped in for coffee other than family, I fear you have idealised this move.