Divorce

[Rainbow988]

How do I tell my husband I want a divorce

This needs a bit more context, for example, is it likely to come as a shock to him? Are you scared of his reaction? My advice would depend on these things.
edited to add - maybe the question better belongs on the relationships board?

Depends on why you’re doing it surely?

I couldn’t tell my ex as I knew he’d kick off and it wouldn’t be safe so I said I was staying somewhere else for a couple of weeks then told him I wasn’t going back and filed for divorce. No kids which helped a lot.

Our marriage has been on the verg of divorce for a while since September last year now because of the way he talks to me and treats me and because he keeps starting arguments with me and we have got 4 children together as well 3 teenagers 15 year old son and 2 14 year old daughters and a 10 year old son

Totally depends on the reasoning: if you're being abused then the answer is going to be totally different than if you're cheating on him and want to be with the other guy.

Get a divorce lawyer - they can advise you on what seems to work better in their experience - but again, there are bellicose lawyers and mediation/collaborative lawyers - it all depends what the situation is and how contentious things will be.

Look at the bigger picture- do you want to live the rest of your life in misery or do you want to be happy? Just get the ducks in the row and then tell him that you want to divorce. You need a plan.
I voted YANBU for wanting to tell him.

I am not cheating on him he has been abusive to me in the past as well

If he's been abusive before then it's fair to say he will be abusive regarding learning a divorce is on the table. Get your legal ducks in a row and listen to your solicitor's advice on when and how to tell the guy you are filing for divorce. Make sure you tell them about the abuse - they may well advise seeking a domestic violence restraining order. In any event just be aware that if your reason for waiting is to save money: there's not much point to that given the starting point for division of marital assets is a 50/50 split for whatever was earned/bought etc during the marriage (same goes for debts too).

With a history of abuse I’d contact Women's Aid for advice regarding how to leave safely. Abuse can ramp up when you leave. They deal with these situations every day and know exactly how to handle it.

Get some support, get copies of all the financial documents that he’s likely to hide, speak to a solicitor. They all do the same things, say the same things, knowing all these things is helpful.

Knowledge is power.

I'd say it also depends on if your "telling him" so he's informed - or if you want it to be the next big argument and bargaining chip for promises of change etc

In other words - if you're simply informing him of your decision; and its not a debate, then don't set up the situation for him to debate or bargain or promise or anything. Tell him - whether that be via serving him papers while you've already disappeared, moved out, got safe etc.. so be it.