Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s not hard to let someone know if you can’t make it?

19 replies

Toghostornot · 19/05/2025 05:42

DSS is 17, we see him more and more infrequently as his life gets busier (makes sense, we know teens have other priorities social, study, work), we miss DSS and would like to see him more so always try see him. We last saw him at Easter, so asked him if he was free this weekend and if he wanted to do something. To which he said yes, plans were made – we booked a restaurant of his choosing. Confirmed plans in the morning and then he just stopped responding, completely out of the blue. DH was trying to find out if he was coming to the house or meet us at the venue, no text back wouldn’t pick up his phone. We eventually had to leave for the restaurant in case he was meeting us there and he didn’t turn up. DH obviously eventually reached out to his mum to check everything was ok, and we were met with yes, he’s fine just relaxing in his room. DH is easy going and much as he would have liked to see him, he would have understood if he messaged in the morning saying “I’m too tired, I’ve got to study, I’ve been offered a shift at work, I want to see my GF” Anything really, but to be ghosted like that is pretty poor. I would imagine if you did that to a friend or GF you’d find yourself dumped pretty quickly. I can tell DH is hurt by it, and I’m upset because I just think it lacks basic manners. AIBU?

OP posts:
WellDoneThatSupremeCourt · 19/05/2025 06:20

It's very rude behaviour on your stepson's part. Is there a history of your husband tolerating poor behaviour from him due to divorced-dad guilt?

OtterlyMad · 19/05/2025 07:15

Yeah that’s extremely rude. I would expect an apology - plus an explanation to try to get to the bottom of why he thinks that’s acceptable behaviour.

PeskyRooks · 19/05/2025 07:37

That is very rude. Also very weird, my ds17 can be persuaded to go to almost any event that involves free food.

NestEmptying · 19/05/2025 07:59

That's not on. I would expect his mum to call him out on that behaviour as well.
He must know that it's rude to waste someone's time and ghost them like that. Did he just forget?

Koalafan · 19/05/2025 08:03

Two thoughts.
Option 1 - He's 17, still a child with a developing brain, and he maybe forgot. Did anyone send a quick 'are we still ok for this weekend?' text a few days before.
Option 2 - There's more to the story. Background perhaps.
I'm leaning toward option 1.

monkeysox · 19/05/2025 08:04

He's a rude brat.

FedupofArsenalgame · 19/05/2025 08:08

Koalafan · 19/05/2025 08:03

Two thoughts.
Option 1 - He's 17, still a child with a developing brain, and he maybe forgot. Did anyone send a quick 'are we still ok for this weekend?' text a few days before.
Option 2 - There's more to the story. Background perhaps.
I'm leaning toward option 1.

They texted him in the morning and confirmed. The en both called and texted which he ignored. Terrible manners of the boy.

Even if he was considered " a child" that's still very rude. You can't get away with " forgetting" stuff like work and school so the brain is developed enough to manage that.

Dreambouse · 19/05/2025 08:08

That is rude, also seems surprising he hasn't seen him since Easter, has he spoken to his son to see if there's anything going on?

Original poster
Toghostornot · 19/05/2025 08:54

Yeah it’s awful having not seen him since Easter, DH chats to him phone / text every couple of days. Offers to do things with him, or with me too. But he’s been busy with school / work / social …. There was no way he forgot, DH and him were texting at 9am about a lunch booking and then he just stopped responding.

OP posts:
Koalafan · 19/05/2025 09:00

FedupofArsenalgame · 19/05/2025 08:08

They texted him in the morning and confirmed. The en both called and texted which he ignored. Terrible manners of the boy.

Even if he was considered " a child" that's still very rude. You can't get away with " forgetting" stuff like work and school so the brain is developed enough to manage that.

Edited
Show quote history

Texting a few days beforehand would have made much more sense.

KimberleyClark · 19/05/2025 09:00

Does DH have a civil relationship with his ex? Do you get on with her? What was her attitude when you phoned up to see where he was? Was she suitably horrified at his rudeness?

Do you think she could have set out to sabotage the lunch/talked him into not going/said something that made him not want to go?

Koalafan · 19/05/2025 09:01

Toghostornot · 19/05/2025 08:54

Yeah it’s awful having not seen him since Easter, DH chats to him phone / text every couple of days. Offers to do things with him, or with me too. But he’s been busy with school / work / social …. There was no way he forgot, DH and him were texting at 9am about a lunch booking and then he just stopped responding.

If he didn't forget then it's option 2 - there's more to this.

nopineapplepizza · 19/05/2025 09:09

Kick back like this sometimes comes when a child is in that grey area, just before adulthood when they’re starting to see their parents as people, who potentially could have been better at parenting.

This could just be a moody teen being a bit of a dick, or it could be their way of lashing out for previous hurts, I.e. “I played in that football match when I was 15 and Dad said he’d come and watch, but didn’t and I later found out it was because he was spending time with his new gf/child/mate instead. Fuck him, I’ll let him see how it feels when someone says they’ll be there for you and then aren’t.”

Could it be something like that?

Original poster
Toghostornot · 22/05/2025 22:25

Honestly no big back story. DH and DSS have a good relationship, he can run a bit hot and cold - he’s come to live with us for big periods. His mum wasn’t impressive but generally stays out of it.
He is at the stage where he thinks he is an adult and can do what he wants. Including treating people however suits him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toghostornot · 24/05/2025 22:22

He’s kinda done the same thing again. DH asked him to help him with something earlier in the week. He agreed, DH tried to arrange a time and he just stopped responding to messages. Poor DH is very frustrated.

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 24/05/2025 22:25

Wow it seems dss has 2 puppets instead of dps... Drop the rope for now. I hope dh isn't handing over £££? Dss needs to see that dh isn't an atm but is an actual human who should be shown some respect and kindness...

Original poster
Toghostornot · 24/05/2025 23:31

Yeah he is totally taking the piss

OP posts:
Original poster
Toghostornot · 25/05/2025 00:19

We are handing over a huge amount of money and we’ve just agreed to keep paying through uni.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 25/05/2025 00:47

Toghostornot · 25/05/2025 00:19

We are handing over a huge amount of money and we’ve just agreed to keep paying through uni.

I think I'd be renegotiating that agreement.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page