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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it really too much to ask?

13 replies

jalepenowine · 18/05/2025 21:10

I’m genuinely curious as to whether I’m being unreasonable.

I’ve been a SAHM for 6 years. We’ve not had it easy, we have a 6 year old and a 1 year old and in between them had a stillborn baby. It’s been tough. Our one year old was also born with a disability which has required lengthy hospital stays far away from home.

I went back to work last year 3 days a week. Nursery fees were far too much as my husband’s business started failing so we had to drop down to 1 day a week so I’m back to being a sahm and working 1 day a week at my husband’s company. A few weeks ago he decided to take a MH day for himself. I said I felt he needed it and encouraged that he do this more often. He took himself off for the day, sat in the sun and had a few beers and a nice lunch. Strolled about the city and just relaxed. He gets quite a lot of down time in my opinion, goes out once a week and has the odd couple of hours to himself over the weekends etc.

when he took the MH day I was at home with the 1 year old and I said that I would like to do that, he said he highly recommends it and that he felt chilled and I really connected and respected him for finally understanding that having time alone is so beneficial.

I'm run down, tired, touched out right now and so today I asked what was needed to be done at work this week (tomorrow is my one day in the office) he said nothing really needs doing so he’s have to find me something. I said maybe I could take my MH day? Drop kids to school and nursery and have some down time to myself? He started laughing and scoffed about why I would need downtime if I only work one day a week?! I said I don’t ‘work’ one day a week! I work full time! As a parent. Keeping the house together etc. He said it’s ridiculous and that I need to be in work tomorrow!

I brought up his MH day and what he’d said to me about it at the time and he laughed and said ‘I wanted the day to myself, I would have said anything at the time to make sure I wasn’t roped in to staying with the children at home!’

I am really upset by this! He thinks it’s funny that I was so angry earlier and refuses to accept that being at home looking after a clingy 1 year old is difficult.

am I in the wrong here? I feel really fed up but never know how to get my point across to someone that just doesn’t see it!

OP posts:
MumChp · 18/05/2025 21:13

Of course both parents can have a day of.
It's not a race to the buttom is it?

Lovenpic · 18/05/2025 21:27

You deserve a day off and your husband it an arsehole.

But also, if your husband’s business is failing, one of you needs a job outside of it. The financial insecurity won’t be adding to household harmony.

Hankunamatata · 18/05/2025 21:28

Well just tell him your not coming into the office. Put baby into nursery and go out for the day.

I'd seriously think about looking for an independent job

ChickenEggChicken · 18/05/2025 21:29

Lovenpic · 18/05/2025 21:27

You deserve a day off and your husband it an arsehole.

But also, if your husband’s business is failing, one of you needs a job outside of it. The financial insecurity won’t be adding to household harmony.

This. Never make yourself financially dependent on someone whose sole income is a failing business. He should have become a SAHP while you worked FT.

jalepenowine · 18/05/2025 21:43

I am also applying for jobs at the moment and attending interviews as I want my own job anyway. Working in his office was just a stepping stone for me to build confidence in going back to work. I have done over 6 months with him now and have been job hunting. I just haven’t found anything yet to move on to.

OP posts:
babytum · 18/05/2025 21:48

The utter lack of respect for you and the enormity of your role in your family’s life is just so bloody awful.
I’m so sorry you are married to someone that doesn’t care about your well being.

Tell him he can fuck off, you are taking a day to yourself and it’s no longer a request but a statement.

Dinosweetpea · 18/05/2025 21:48

Your husband is an asshole.

AprilShowers25 · 18/05/2025 21:54

If staying at home with the kids is so easy then why did he need to get away from them. Take you MH day on the weekend and let him deal with the kids, he shouldn’t complain as it’s not work!

BruhWhy · 18/05/2025 21:59

Stop asking permission.

OneFineDay13 · 18/05/2025 22:01

babytum · 18/05/2025 21:48

The utter lack of respect for you and the enormity of your role in your family’s life is just so bloody awful.
I’m so sorry you are married to someone that doesn’t care about your well being.

Tell him he can fuck off, you are taking a day to yourself and it’s no longer a request but a statement.

Absolutely this what an arsehole

Endofyear · 18/05/2025 22:17

Just take the kids to school & nursery and take yourself off until pick up time. Stuff him and his selfish attitude! What's he going to do, fire you? I'd start regularly leaving him with the kids a couple of evenings and at the weekend too. See how easy he thinks it is looking after 2 kids then 😏

Masmavi · 18/05/2025 22:22

babytum · 18/05/2025 21:48

The utter lack of respect for you and the enormity of your role in your family’s life is just so bloody awful.
I’m so sorry you are married to someone that doesn’t care about your well being.

Tell him he can fuck off, you are taking a day to yourself and it’s no longer a request but a statement.

This. I think we gain our respect back (from ourselves and from others) when we start to do and take, rather than ask and wait. Make arrangements for your child and take your day. You deserve it.

crazyone1974 · 18/05/2025 22:30

Work tomorrow. Arrange your mental health day for a day where your husband can be home with the kids all day - maybe then he'll see you work full time?

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