Aibu to feel this way about my mother snd her mobility chair

[offnick]

2 years ago my mother broke her hip
she didn't really engage with services she has mental health issues. Then she had heart failure which is moderate
she brought a power chair as she says she can't walk so she has little to no exercise. Iv been to doctors with her snd they encourage her to walk.
there is a long history of her being abusive whucg I won't go into but she expects me to lift the chair in and out of the car if I see her and sometimes she wants to go to all different shops. If I moan she berates me and it can cause a horrible argument. I do avoid seeing her because of the chair but also cos I just dread seeing her
she says that most children of elderly parents (she is mid sixties) would so this and when she is really angry says I make up excuses (I have a working diagnosis of asthma/copd and potentially fibromyalgia and some days my body just aches. I also work full time Ina demanding job and solo parent a teenager
My weekends are taken up with demands of taking her taking her there snd everywhere and I dread it I have no social life of my own

She sounds awful. You needs to be strict - ‘Mum, you’re welcome here for coffee from 11-12 on Saturday. I’ll help you with the chair on the way in and out. But I’m busy the rest of the weekend, I gather X is a good tax I firm’. Just repeat that if she gets stroppy.

How heavy is the chair? I have a super light weight carbon fibre one and even that isn't easy to lift in and out of the car. Could she get a hoist fitted for it?

In terms of doctors saying don't get one. That's all very well but they can make a huge difference to well being because they enable you to get out and about.

However abuse is never acceptable and you don't have to tolerate that for anyone

Wheelchair taxi.

most powerchairs are fucking heavy. My light one that I use for cars is 17kg which is quite a weight.
my big one that goes a long way will not go in a car unless it’s an adapted one.

you don’t need to help her get around. I’m disabled and I do it all by myself. Trains you can pre book assistance and wheelchair taxis are a thing.

Tell her you’re not doing it.

I’ve got a lightweight, folding power chair. DH and my adult DSes can lift it into the back of my car but they don’t because I’ve had a hoist fitted to it. They all work, in demanding jobs, and don’t need to putting their backs out doing that for me.

You need to start protecting yourself. Stand up to your mother by telling her you can’t be lifting the chair anymore so she’s going to have to look for an alternative solution.

Bloody hell stop doing it. Im 63 and just had a year of immobility while waiting for a big operation which has been successful. I've been working from home.
I've only asked DS to come over for 3 days post op just to help out and that's it.
He isn't there to wait on me hand and foot and neither are you with your mother.
It's hard saying no but you will have to for your own sanity.