What an insane idea question or not?

[ivise]

Hello ,long story short me and my partner have been together 6years. Have a daughter. We have never much talked about getting married . Due to some circumstances I almost don’t want it . And we haven’t even been that close past year and more . Out of blue he suddenly mentions that he think we should go and sign the marriage papers . Like what ? We not even engaged.
Personally I think this is bonkers , why mention without even asking or proposing. Kind of made me feel unworthy. I was left speechless. He said so casually like almost asking what’s for dinner .
What do you guys think of this?
red flag?

Have your financial circumstances changed lately? I’d be wondering why he suddenly sees a benefit to himself in being married despite showing no signs of wanting to publicly declare your love to each other. If you split up would he be homeless?

Are those issues to do with health or finance?
Because it sounds like he wants the legal support in place - whether that's in his favour or yours will depend on the issues

What are the circumstances that make you not want it?

Novel idea, but try talking it through with the person you live with and have a child with. He might be clumsily trying to tell you he doesn't want to give up on the relationship. An engagement isn't necessary.

Biggest financial decision of your lifetime. No don't rush in.

Is the property in your name, or something like that, or have you recently come into an inheritance?
Otherwise, perhaps he thinks it’s fine asking you in that way, a lot of men don’t have much idea….

Not sure what you think it would be a red flag about.

I would assume that he was talking to someone or listening to the radio or reading something that made him realise it makes a lot of sense to be married to your partner , more so if you have dc.
I'm also presuming, that over the years you've been together, you've had theoretical discussions about weddings and about getting married.

So I would assume that either him, or the impression he's got from you, doesn't want a fancy wedding, but he thinks it is a sensible next step to be married. In which case, it's fair enough. He's putting his thoughts too you, and asking what you think.

The 'not being engaged' bit makes no sense, as 'being engaged' is just the period of time you've have between agreeing to get married, and the wedding.

Did you ask him? What did he say?

Out of blue he suddenly mentions that he think we should go and sign the marriage papers.

Did he ask OP what she thinks?

Well, I'm presuming that's what he is doing.

He's "heard" (and we all know the recipient doesn't always hear the fullness of what has been said, whatever the circumstance),, but my interpretation of what OP has written is that he has 'heard' she doesn't want a big wedding, so he is now thinking "Why don't we make an appt, get down to the registrar, and just sign papers, instead of doing the whole 'wedding thing' ?".

It is now for the OP to say okay or say no or say she wants to think about it, or whatever. He's not kidnapped her and dragged her to the registrars, he's made a suggestion.

You've done a huge amount of assuming, or plain fantasising, in your posts, @CarpetKnees. I'm not sure how it helps OP.

He could be worried you’re going to leave him if things haven’t been great? He could see it as a sign of committment to you? He might think you don’t want a big wedding but want one himself and think this is a compromise.. it could be literally anything. You’re going to have to talk to him! I wouldn’t be bothered by his approach but I know lots of people want a fancy engagement thing..

Well, we all interpret the information given in our own way, no doubt on many threads as a results of our own experiences.

You said things haven't been well between you @ivise and he mentions this out of the blue... Are you going to inherite something major? Are you wealthy and do you have health problems? Sorry, but I would be suspicious regarding his motives..