MIL making herself so unlikeable

[PassiveAggresiveMil]

Constant digs at us, passive aggressive comments, criticism etc etc. MIL just can’t help herself!

Dh sees her once or twice a week, often not for long if he drops off some shopping on way home from work but still he is present in her life also texts and calls. She’s constantly whinging that we never go round or to family events but she has 2 massive dogs that go everywhere and I don’t want them around my dc as i think they are untrained and dangerous ! So if she comes to us she will leave them as I won’t allow them in my house but the rest of the family are fine with them.

We offer to take her out for meals she says no that she doesn’t want to then comes out with statements like ‘well of course they never offer to take me anywhere!’ She did it today so I got my texts up and said ‘ok here are the dates we asked you if you fancied lunch/ the pub/ to come round to see the dc / to go to the farm shop and you said no every time it’s there in black and white’ and she started crying saying I was bullying her !

She’s just so unlikeable I can’t take it anymore ! Dh frequently has to ask her to tone down certain language/topics around the dc and she’s getting worse.

AIBU to just take a massive step back and stop making an effort with someone who is so determined to be so difficult ?

Just leave all communication and arranging to your husband. Be polite if she comes over and then get busy doing something else.

Ugh YANBU to step back from her, she sounds draining. I can't stand people who jump to accusations of bullying whenever they're called out on their shitey behaviour. Let DH deal with her.

Just stop seeing her.. Honestly it's liberating saving your precious free time for people you actually do want to spend time with.

Leave any relationships between her and dc to dh.

It really is draining she makes me feel so on edge

leave her to DH. You don’t need this narc drama in your life . Be busy and go out when she comes over.

Dh frequently has to ask her to tone down certain language/topics around the dc and she’s getting worse.

My mother is also very passive aggressive, I think she (naively) thinks no one notices or that she has some right to do it as she is a mother and has done her time…..if anybody confronts her on her behaviour, she doesn’t stop but also gets worse!!…..in a ‘how dare you tell me what to do’ defiant manner…..impossible to deal with

Exactly, let your husband deal with the witch

Sounds similar to my MIL. I am now no contact. My husband sees her every other weekend for lunch with our children. They are old enough to tell me if she starts being racist etc (has form for this). She used to try to be on her best behaviour when I was there but literally can't help herself - the mask would always slip. You have my sympathies OP, it's very difficult to be forced to be around someone toxic who you are only related to through marriage. I cope much better now that I don't see her but get anxiety about events such as Christmas and what her expectations might be.