To leave with my son?

[WhatDoIDoNow12345]

My partner and I have recently split after eight years together. We have a little boy, 2 years old, and my stepson, my ex’s son from a previous relationship, also lived with us full-time. The boys are very close and my son has a strong bond with his dad.

The breakup has been messy. While we have many beautiful memories, I now see that I was emotionally abused throughout much of the relationship, and that dynamic hasn’t ended just because the relationship did.

Right now, our son and I are still living in my ex’s house, while he and my stepson are staying with his parents. It’s been this way for a few months as I try to find somewhere affordable to live.

Even with child maintenance, the reality is grim: I can only afford a small studio for my son and me. I work full-time from home, but I can’t afford nursery, so I’m doing it all with a toddler beside me and no support. My ex’s parents are elderly and not able to help, and my ex cannot take our son overnight. Realistically, he would only see our son on Saturdays or Sundays.

So here’s my dilemma. I’m burning out. I’m doing everything alone, all the time. I feel like I’m entirely sacrificing my mental health so my son can maintain a weekly connection with his dad and brother - something that does matter, deeply. But I’m exhausted, unhappy, and I think my son senses that. My ex is also experiencing burnout and health issues, making contact a lot more limited.

I miss my home country deeply. There, I’d be able to live with my mum (who my son adores), afford good childcare, and have a real support system. I'd be able to breathe again. Maybe even see friends now and then. That thought feels like a luxury.

I’m trying so hard to stay - for my son’s relationship with his dad and brother - but I’m questioning whether it’s sustainable.

Here are the pros and cons as I see them:

Staying (current country):

• Son keeps weekly contact with his dad and brother
• Familiar environment for son
• Avoids disrupting current custody dynamic
• But: I have no support, no respite, and can barely afford housing or childcare

Leaving (home country):

• Son and I live with my mum (strong bond, stable home)
• Can afford high-quality childcare
• I’d have a support system and space to recover
• Better quality of life for both of us
• But: Son sees dad and brother much less, possibly just during holidays

So.... what should I do?
YABU - Stay
YANBU - Move back home

I did vote YANBU because as the Mother you are the main caregiver and I find parenting hard enough with a good husband.

Maybe just discuss the options with your Ex and see what he suggests?

I will say tho that if a Dad had posted this. question I think opinions would be dramatically different.

Good luck with whatever you decide

Probably haven't stressed the effects it's having on my mental health. I am 26, so still very young, but I feel completely lost. I don’t know who I am anymore, and sometimes I wonder if I ever really had the chance to find out. I’m battling severe anxiety every morning and evening, teetering on the edge of depression. I carry deep regrets and feel overwhelmed by constant negative thoughts, wondering how my life turned out like this. It’s exhausting. However, I do my best to stay optimistic for my son. I show up, I push through, and I keep going, but it feels like I’m running on fumes most days.

However, I told myself I’d endure it if moving meant harming my son’s wellbeing. But I’m starting to question whether sacrificing myself entirely is truly the best thing for him, or for either of us in the long run. I'll do whatever is best for him so appreciate everyone's honest opinions.

I'm also aware he's just so very young, and it's just such a difficult phase in itself, too.

Be selfish and do what is right by you and your son. I appreciate the fact he will be away from his dad however you need a support unit and you do not have that here. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. My advise would be communicate, communicate with ex husband, legal advise and family bad home. As long as nothing is hidden and you have an understanding how everyone feels about this it will be easier no matter what the outcome come. Sending love.

In your situation, and if your ex agrees to it, I would move back home in an instant. You are carrying all of the burden here and it's incredibly hard to do that in a foreign country with no support, especially somewhere where childcare is so unaffordable and the dad isn't forced to contribute.

Is your home ocuntry in Europe so it's not too expensive to fly between the two?

I appreciate everyone commenting, thank you

If 100% legal I would head home.