Talking about your sex life without your partners permission is wrong

[TheLimeQuail]

I don’t mean medical professionals, I mean with your friends. I feel like making jokes out of sex with your partner is degrading, or even mentioning that you had sex last night. It’s not shameful to have sex, but I don’t want other people to know about it. It’s intrusive. Especially for a man to talk about it with a female friend or vice versa. And also the mental image.

Ok then. Thanks for the heads up.

I have told a couple of friends that my sex life with my new boyfriend is amazing, but that's all I've said, I haven't gone into detail. I don't think I would mind if my boyfriend told his friends that we had a great sex life or how often we did it.

I hate it when women talk about their sex lives, like it’s just girl chat and we all do it. Err, no we don’t. It’s not cute and innocent. It’s a betrayal of your partner and utterly sleazy.

Thanks for the PSA, not sure how I ever survived without it.

Crikey I work in a largely female dominated profession (children’s social care) and between the gallows humour and cynicism we are a bunch of filth bags who regularly joke about our sex lives, esp as there is an almost 50:50 divide of those married for decades and the rest now recently divorced and dating again and then on OLD.
Helps the day pass quicker.

People should be careful that they only share things with others they can trust, but talking about personal things is a normal part of human relationships.

Depends.

Sharing some things like this is perfectly normal. Itnot like it's a secret that you are in a relationship, and adults in relationships do have sex, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

There are some times when it's absolutely imperative that people should feel free to talk about it, eg if their partner is introducing things into the bedroom that they don't want, or forcing/pressuring them into sex that they don't want. People need the support of friends and family if they are accidentally in a relationship with an asshole.

I would agree that it's inappropriate to speak to anyone about performance/technique issues that cast their partner in a negative light, as long as the partner is doing their best and is considerate of their needs.

"I'm thinking of divorcing Ben and one of the reasons is that he doesn't care whether I enjoy sex, he hates foreplay and just uses me as a thing for his own pleasure" - fine to say, Ben has only himself to blame.

"Ben is doing his best but really need to get an anatomy diagram and work out which bit is the clit, he was there for ages and nothing happened for me" - cruel and inappropriate to share.

"Omg Ben took me to heaven and back last night, I am so lucky" - fine in moderation but not too much detail please.

I’lL take the third Ben please ..

What about the “mental image”?

There’s a difference between inappropriate and private, surely?

You must have hated Sex and The City….

’’I’m dating this guy with the funkiest tasting spunk…’ (Samantha Jones)

I'm fine with it. Each to their own, eh?

Can you not see the danger in that though? You may be saying positive things about Guy 1, but when you don't sing the same praise about Guy 2, people will automatically assume he's sub-par.

I'm in agreement with OP on this. Better to not mention it at all. It cheapens you, and is sharing stuff your partner probably doesn't want shared.

So it's worse for man but ok for a woman to talk about it? Nice double standard

No i don't do it and doubt my husband has but I don't do this its ok for women but men can't thing

Depends on the tone. Depends if it is sharing, oversharing, asking for advice, pondering, bragging, degrading, humiliating, talking ablut yoursef and by proxy about your partner, ONS from 20 years ago, funny moments, painful moments, sharing experience to help friend etc. Sex is an important part of life and I'd hate if I could never mention it and would just have to ponder something by myself.

You are over-thinking it wayyy too much. People don't care enough about your sex-life to start taking notes to know which one of your partner is better or sub-par 😂

We keep a spread sheet at work to be fair going back years….

I completely disagree. it's important IF YOU WANT TO, to discuss with close friends, male or female.

It's not healthy to keep everything secret and taboo, and at worst, for people to resign themselves because they don't know they can have better.

How many new mothers are made to feel so much better by joking with their friends that sex can feel like an awful chore after they had a baby?

It's fine to joke about sex with close friends, just chose your friends carefully.

I think ideally the couple should be on the same page about how much detail is ok to share with others.

Controlling what your partner speaks about and to whom may also be considered wrong. It really depends on the situation.

I never watched it; I can see I wasn't missing anything.

I'm not much of a sharer, but I'd enjoy listening. Love a bit of gallows humour.

Danger?? There's no danger, it's just friends chatting. No one's keeping score, and some people don't have hang ups about being 'cheapened' and suchlike.

Hope someone has fed this back to Ben 2. Life is too short for all that time wasting and it's best someone tells him so he can improve.

This is the way these threads always go.

women? Just having a laugh, it’s fine
men? Crude, horrible, they’re all arseholes