Toxic sisters what to do now

[Rightplace]

I am feeling ganged up on and exhausted.
My two sisters who I pulled away from years ago and limited our main contact to our occasional what’s app group have started a tirade of abuse at me. Both have anger issues one overt one covert and it comes out in various ways. There is direct abuse about me and my life and all kinds of assumptions and accusations from one and the other behaves like a victim in front of my other sister and she recently asked out of the blue why I didn’t validate her achievements and why I belittle her. (This is not true, but I am a little jaded over the years and probably don’t muster huge amounts of enthusiasm for her regular announcements about what she has achieved or done without ever a how are you?)

I replied I had said what she had told us it sounded great, and it was exciting for her. I was sorry it didn’t feel like the validation she was seeking, but we will have different styles of relating. But it wasn’t meant as rude. But then she went into more, more history or everything so I said yes I guess there is a history here and I’m happy to talk about it. It feels like a projection. She is blaming me for something she herself has always done to me and is saying I am doing it to her..
To be honest, it felt like an opportunity from years of being bullied and belittled by her even being hit by her as an adult and upset by her on my wedding day by her cackling and laughing with her friends saying she was going to get up and make a speech about me as a child having an accident on a seesaw and generally mocking me. The way she went on about it was truly vile.

Anyway, since I started to say I was willing to talk about perhaps a bigger picture of what might be going on for her. A bomb has gone off. I have been very careful with my wording and not to be unkind or disrespectful. But I don’t think she’s in place discuss the past or even acknowledge it happened. There have been so many horrendous things she has done and now she’s basically saying I’m the one who belittle her and that I somehow can’t be happy for her.
It’s not that. I love her, but I care and communicate with a dose of caution. It’s always lovely to spend time with her once or twice a year if her husband is also there as she is always pleasant to me in front of him.

My little sister is a real hothead and has said the most vile things, like that I’m sad and I live alone that I failed in all my relationships. That really seemed to come out of blue as such a vile attack, it almost feels like a planned attack between them.
Not to compare, but for context I am the only one of us who is financially independent, went to university, I ran a long term business and sold it, raised my child on my own and did things very differently. I have friends I enjoy my life in the city. They have never been independent in any way, not worked properly are still with the same person they were with since they were a young teenager.. and I think it’s got something to do with this as well. It’s like they never want to know about my life but also can’t help but warp the tiny parts I share into something that fits their narrative.

I’ve now stepped away from the WhatsApp group since the tirade of abuse where I did keep my cool and didn’t get dragged into it and said that I was going to take some time away to protect my peace but that I’ve kept it open for my older sister to communicate about what might be really going on directly with me. I really love my nieces and nephews. I don’t want to cut off ties completely but the abuse is overt and I’m not sure I’m being very nice to myself by keeping the relationships open. There is never apologies or taking back behaviours or words and they never have asked how I even am, or want to know about my life they literally never ask me anything about myself. It’s like they cannot bare to know, yet speak about me as though they know everything. At this stage, I’m not sure what to do.

Do nothing. I'd go very low contact with both of them, for your own peace of mind and happiness.

You can't change them, you can only manage your own actions and reactions. Really you have two options,
Low contact. I would not be in a group chat, contact directly one on one, meeting a couple of times a year.
No contact. Just stop responding, or slowly stop responding.
In the nicest possible way, if you feel they aren't able to talk about these matters to put them to bed, then you're in a hamster wheel. You will always be the bad guy in their narrative.
Only other option I suppose could be counselling to work through it. But again that relies on people that want to work on it together and everyone makes changes and not just simply cast blame, there's also the financial and time implications.

It is such a difficult situation to be in, especially with nieces and nephews involved. I understand that.

It sounds like you’re avenging yourself a bit for their ambivalence when you were younger by being ambivalent to their achievements now. I wouldn’t even bother with that to be honest.

I would go NC but as you want contact with niblings, then go LC.

Apart from that, I don’t what see what you’re getting out of these relationships except a desire to show your sisters that you have a good life (which is understandable if they bullied you).

It doesn't sound like they bring anything positive to your life. Why put up with being abused if you don't have to? Delete the WhatsApp group and stop having contact with them. Get on with your life in peace.

@Rightplace it sounds very much like they are jealous of you and how your life has turned out. do they not have as much as you?? are they actually struggling with the cost of living or unemployment?

OP they're not going to change. So you can't repair the relationship on your own, they have to do their bit or it doesn't work and they're not going to.

While you love your nieces and nephews (and I feel sorry for them having mothers like that) you have to make some hard choices. If you step away completely, go NC, block them, they won't be able to touch you. And it will drive them mad that they can't, which is a bonus.

If you want to maintain some contact because of the children then you need to learn to let their comments be water off a duck's back. Maybe even try to laugh at them. Remember that you have a lovely life that they don't/can't have, so they're trying to make themselves feel better and superior by putting you down. Let them. It's a sad life for them if that's the best they can do for their own sense of worth.

Do nothing just go very low contact. I bet you anything the two of them will start arguing between themselves now you the scape goat has gone.

As a pp said, they sound jealous of you and your independence financial stability. I would take a step back and just let them come to you when ready.
I have a similar-ish situation at the moment because I disagreed on an opinion of my very emotionally immature 38 year old brother, and he hasn’t spoken to me in 3 months. Ultimately I know he resents and is jealous of my life position and happiness compared to his

Both are very well looked after by their husband’s financially. So no, they’re not struggling. But children have all grown up and idn - perhaps they have challenges with their lives now and are revisiting the past through boredom. It’s a shame as I’ve been able to keep a cordial and positive relationship that’s been very LC on WhatsApp until now. Both enjoy drama and I am very switched off by that. But the unkindness vile words have been terrible. I can agree to chat to my sister, but I doubt she wants to know now I have brought up that actually the position is the other way round.

OP, life is too short to entertain this sort of toxicity. I get that it’s tricky to go total NC as they are family, but I’d go as LC as possible and don’t let these people affect how you feel about yourself. Therapy might help.