Sorry it’s a bit of a long one 🫣
Me and DP have been together for 8 years, and I’ll be honest, it has been a bit of a rocky relationship. I have helped him get through a lot of stuff as he has an incredibly addictive personality and in my opinion, a lot of childhood trauma. He has however got away from the majority of addictions, with the exception now being the gym.
I can’t help but feel so burnt out from our relationship however, I guess so much has gone on in the past and now on top of that I do feel he has changed as a person. Just the way that he speaks to me is consistently making me feel like crap and I’m forever being told I am too sensitive. I’m forever feeling like I am being held to a higher standard than he is. He is allowed to do things that if I was to do then there would be an issue, he is allowed to say things to me that if I said to him there would be an issue. So when he does these things and on the rare occasion that I share my views on double standards in a calm way, he gets defensive and starts screaming and shouting, threatening things (not violence but more about harming himself). This week I feel like it’s just getting worse and worse.
For example, on Tuesday he got home from work and he had to go and sort his hair out as soon as he got back (long story short he has a hair system type thing and it was coming off), I was cooking tea and our two year old was crying at my legs and just needing some attention so trying to cook tea and do that was just proving really stressful, in this situation I actually have no issue in just getting on with it. However, I do my own hair every couple of months and I do it on the evening and get everything sorted before minus putting our two year old to bed and he always makes me feel a certain type of way about it as he doesn’t normally have to put him to bed. So this double standard is what grates my gears.
Thursday I was sorting through paperwork to clear some out and I came across a letter that I didn’t realise he’d received that we had been waiting for, I just rang him to talk about what we needed to do next and because I was walking around the house doing bits and bobs I was just talking a bit quick and just through doing this he got defensive and snapped at me ‘why are you speaking to me like that?’ - this in itself isn’t a huge issue but when he is forever talking to me in a kind of way that’s belittling and excuses himself ‘because he’s a scaffolder and it’s just how he talks’, for him to make a comment over me talking a bit fast just seemed unjust.
On Friday I had, had a really hard day with our two year old and by the end of the day I was burnt out. When he came home from work I just let him know that I was in a bit of a bad mood but it wasn’t anything he did and to just ignore me (when I’m in a bad mood I’m just quiet, I’m not snappy etc) - however he is consistently in a bad mood (which is fine as he works long hours and I try to just leave him too it!) but he will snap and take that bad mood out on me, he also reflects it and tries to make out I am the one in a bad mood. Anyway, on Friday he took my bad mood personally and got all defensive again and it resulted in an argument with him screaming and shouting whilst the kids cuddled me on the sofa upset. This did result in him apologising though.
Yesterday (Saturday) I went to see friends during the day and on the way back he asked if I could get some bbq stuff and some bottles of beer, they didn’t have the bottles in the shop but they had the cans, I tried calling him twice to check if the cans were ok but he didn’t answer so I just got them hoping they would be. He rang back after I left the shop and I told him about the cans and his response was ‘why the hell would I want warm cans’ and even when I tried apologising he continued to make me feel like an idiot for it. I would NEVER act like this towards him, I’d just say thank you and get on with it?
This morning (Sunday) we’ve all had a morning cuppa in the front room and then he went to make breakfast. I realised I had to get some presents wrapped as DD has a party today, so I went out to the kitchen where he was to go and wrap them as I knew if I did it on the dining table then our 2 year old would be wanting to play with everything. His response was ‘oh shock everyone’s followed me out here’ - I just don’t understand why everything is such an issue? And if I ever ever dared say anything like that to him then he would be SO defensive. And because of this I found myself getting upset to which again he called me sensitive and told me that I would be in for a shock if I was to live with someone else because he really isn’t that bad. He said he’s fed up of being painted like the bad guy and that I need to learn to not take things to heart.
Is he right and all guys are like this? Don’t get me wrong I know he isn’t awful and I know he could be a lot worse, I probably am too sensitive towards situations, but I can’t help but feel like if I am too sensitive then why does he get annoyed if I was to ever do the same thing back to him?