Hi
DH does bulk share of housework ATM due to recovery from surgery for me.
He often eyerolls or mutters over little things. I asked him to pick up some pastries I'd bought from shop 10 mins away as our youngest had a friend staying over. He moaned after as if he'd been running around and was exhausted.
When I was walking inside house I said I could use some more support in picking things off the floor
He was behind me and daughters friend in front and he said "shut up" to me in a defensive and v passive aggressive were the friend couldn't hear but I could not answer back.
He's been doing this more recently saying 'shut up" or "stop" like he is shissing a child.
I've told him it hurts and feels there is malice in his voice and I don't like it. It's made me cry a few times as he wasn't like this until few years ago. He says sorry he wants to change but then does it the next day. Sometimes I feel he does it more when I've said it hurts.
What stings is that I've been going through hard time with family member been ill & recovering from op myself. It's like he resents me. It's affecting how I feel for him. I honestly hate him when he does it as I've never wanted to be with a man that isn't supportive. He is in many practical ways but they are things he should do & I would if the shoe was on the other foot. I would just help no tutting.
I feel he plays the victim a lot. For example if I've not slept well he will moan about being exhausted - though I know from the snores he sleeps far better.
I'm really loosing love as I witnessed my Mum in a relationship that was abusive in more overt ways but for me the "sushing" tutting and worst "shut up' makes me feel belittled and small.
I've talked and talked until I m blue in the face but he just doesn't change. I don't want this forever but I feel he doesn't want to put work in and a sorry in a text, is him just shutting down and moving the topic on.
I've told him how unhappy makes me to the point of wanting to walk out but he doesn't put any emotional energy in. The more I look at him the more selfish I think he is.
I feel bit lost on it. If your husband did this would you find it belittling and unnecessary..would your husband do this even. Am I overreacting and should shrug it off. Or am I justified that it's mean behaviour and he should express himself like a healthy adult rather than under his breath and in scenarios I can't challenge.
Been together about 20yrs and he's become worse in last 3. Like he's changed and become more misogynistic.
His father speaks to his mum badly and points in her face and he never pulls his Dad up. I worry he's turning into him and when I'm at my most vulnerable he likes control (that's just how it feels). He can sulk and be silent which I also find it creates eggshell environment for me and I'm left feeling anxious and hurt.
Any words of wisdom. Thank you. X