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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Harsh husband or AIBU?

4 replies

HarshHusband12121212 · 17/05/2025 23:46

Not sure if I’m overreacting but it’s really starting to piss me off. Dh is a mild mannered man most of the time, but occasionally, he takes a really harsh and patronizing tone over very small things. I remember pulling him up over it a few times when we got together first and he reined it in but has still happened on occasion over the last 15 years.

It’s been happening more frequently recently and it really makes me shrivel up inside. Most recently, twice over the past few weeks, something in the house has broken when I’ve been using it (through normal wear and tear, no fault of mine) and he’s sprung straight on the offensive about it, huffing and puffing about. I normally just roll my eyes and ignore but I pulled him up on it this evening and he’s gone on the defensive in what I think is a DARVO response.

Not sure what I’m asking really, but he’s upset me enough to really question his behaviour. He’s great most of the time but this is really getting to me.

OP posts:
CosyRoby · 17/05/2025 23:50

He shouldn’t be huffing about anything but it made me think, is he worried about money ? Was it something expensive he can’t afford to replace ?
Are you okay as a couple financially?

Catapultaway · 17/05/2025 23:51

Sounds like you've been on mumsnet too much 😂
How does DARVO apply... do you think he broke the things you were using.

HarshHusband12121212 · 18/05/2025 00:01

Nope the broken things weren’t overly expensive, just run of the mill stuff in houses that break over time (eg something like a door handle or a water faucet, that kind of thing). What really drives me mad is that if it broke while he was using it, it would be accepted as run of the mill wear and tear.

It’s not just the breakages though, and it’s not about the breakages, more so the patronizing and harsh tone.

He DARVO-d when I pulled him up on it by turning it back on me, denied his tone was a problem, said I was making a mountain out of a molehill and that I was being ridiculous.

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 18/05/2025 01:12

There's something going on and he's making excuses to have a go at you. People usually do that when they're resentful. Ask him what's going on.

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