Can I leave this group chat? Fake friends.

[wavyblue12]

Hi - I have a friend who has been in my life for 20 years odd. It feels like a very one sided friendship at times, where I have put in the effort and not had much back over the years.

Said friend is also my boss at work 3 days a week - I am 14 weeks pregnant with baby no2 after a long 9 years of ttc & treatment. Friend is aware of this. I have been really struggling with sickness the last few weeks and on medication. Been signed off work from my doctor for 2 weeks. Told friend (boss) at work this and she did not contact me further. I still haven’t heard from her and that was last week. My other boss contacted me instead to check how I was.

I am in a group chat with said friend and a few others and I have not responded in this chat for weeks now. They talk rubbish all day long about people. Not one of them have messaged me asking if I am ok (said friend knows I have been really struggling with this pregnancy due to previous losses)

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave this group chat as these are not ‘friends’ - more just ‘people who gossip about others’ and said friend has not contacted me to check in despite knowing how sick I have been. Is this friendship over?

Advice please.

You know she isn't your friend. A friend would ask how you are. They aren't your friends....walk away. You don't need this in your life.

Sorry you’re not feeling well, OP. Don’t leave the chat just yet, as it’ll look like a flounce. They all sound like a bit of a toxic bunch of people and your friend/boss should have checked in with you by now, for sure. Don’t do anything rash though, as this could cause you further distress during your pregnancy. Look after yourself and your baby right now, and try not to let it get to you. People have their own shit going on, and maybe that’s why she hasn’t checked in with you yet. Either way, give them all a wide birth in the coming months as you don’t need the negativity!

Just mute the chat and archive it. That way you’re not visibly leaving, but you don’t see the chat either. They will be able to see that you haven’t seen the messages in it so you can just plead being busy and/or not really using WhatsApp if you’re questioned about it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

I do often leave a group really quickly after an event is finished or a holiday is over. I would leave, you don't need to hear it if you aren't in the mood.

This.
Mute and archive and forget about it.
Good luck.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and hope the sickness eases. But OP, this feels like one of those bizarre Mn situations where people use ‘friend’ to mean ‘someone I know who’s not that nice to me’. You say it’s been one-sided for years, so surely this lack of concern isn’t surprising? Do the other people on the WhatsApp even know you’re pregnant?

Mute and archive, then you can check it when you feel like it.

Thank you. Yes they are all aware I am pregnant. They haven’t once checked in since they found out to see how things are going, which is really disheartening as I thought they were real friends and they are all aware of my previous issues with conceiving.

This is miserable for you. I'd quietly leave the group chat. TBH, it's not a great idea to have your boss as a personal friend so maybe this is can be a fresh start with more professional boundaries. I hope you feel better soon.

I resonate with your post because I was quite unwell last year, and my manager and other colleagues who were really good friends of mine didn't check up on me once even though we've been good friends for over a decade. My friend went on maternity leave herself so I didn't see her when I returned from sick leave after 2 months off and we've not spoken or messaged since as it was clear to me I was in a one sided friendship and she clearly didn't care about me. I'll be going on mat leave soon so won't see her when she returns from her mat leave but will have to see how things are next year, though in my mind I've decided I will be strictly professional.

Congrats on your pregnancy and hope you're feeling better soon. Muting the chat is a good idea but if leaving the group chat helps then go for it as it doesn't like a very nice friendship group.

I would mute it for now.

You can do whatever you want, you don't need anyone's permission.

They don't sound like good friends, I hope you have some decent friends around you. I'd just mute it as well, like leaving but without the drama

They sound awful OP. I was at a kids party recently and sat with some mums I don’t know that well. They literally bitched about the other parents in our class for the whole 2 hours, it seemed no-one was off limits, I’m sure if I hadn’t been there they’d have bitched about me too. I’d actually forgotten people can be like that, I had friends at school who were similar and swore I’d never ever be friends with people like that again- and I haven’t been- 30 years later I just do not make any time or give any head space to those people. I honestly suggest you do the same- leave the group, make some new friends and don’t look back. Good luck with the pregnancy!