Toddler isn’t a therapist

[ifyousay]

A relatives older child is struggling a lot at the moment, from bullying and probably SN or MH issues as well.

I have older dc a similar age and idea was to do something nice together but child’s parents felt they weren’t up to it and would be best to just be my youngest there.

So child came round to play with my toddler,
this has happened a couple more times and suggestions they would like it to become more regular as child is apparently benefiting, enjoying it and is much happier afterwards.

But they don’t seem to be happier or enjoying it. Toddler is very much having to lead the play and conversation, ask questions, give suggestions etc and is mostly just met with nods and monosyllabic answers.

Toddler isn’t necessarily upset by this so far but is defiantly confused and trying extra hard to get the reactions they’re used to when playing with an older child or at least some reaction.

I feel terrible but I’m concerned about how this will affect my child, that it’s not really fair them and a lot of pressure on them having to essentially treat and make child happier especially if it’s going to be a regular thing.

Am I being mean? Could this in anyway be beneficial or at least not harmful to my dc?

Your busy.

Such a shame we can’t meet. Maybe next time.

How old is the relatives child?

It just sounds like young relatives enjoying being together. It wouldn't allow my eldest to be excluded, though.

I can’t see it necessarily being at the detriment of your toddler but it’s wise not to get into any sort of ongoing agreement about it. Just do it when it suits you.

Older child is in junior school

I doubt it could be harmful, just the occasional playdate. Probably a good opportunity for you to explain a bit about some people's brains working differently to others. But only if it suits your plans, you want to have a relative to chat to, you're in need of a playdate etc, just the same as with any other mum friend where your kids aren't actually each other's friend.
I also wouldn't particularly encourage your toddler to play a certain way, just let her play her own usual way and relative can join in or not.

I agree with the above. It won’t really affect your child - they are just playing with their cousin.

But I can see why you are concerned. My toddler definitely lifts the mood when he is put in the midst of his eldest sibling and her friends. It seems that maybe your relative doesn’t know how else to lift their child’s mood - maybe you could have a deeper conversation and unpack that if they are willing to open up.

Parenting can be hard. And whilst they shouldn’t use your toddler in this way, it also sounds like there is more to the surface.

Nothing wrong with them playing. I don't see the issue.

Sounds like they just want free childcare to me 🤷‍♀️

How old is your toddler? Are we talking an 18 month old or closer to a 3-year-old?

I doubt it will harm your child in any way but equally if you don't want to you don't have to.

Agree, it won't harm your child. Just do it when it suits, it's a nice thing to do and sounds like the other child is benefiting from it.

Can’t you help lead the play a little if the “toddler” (how old is this child?) is struggling at times? Where does your older child go during this? If it’s helping the relatives child and not much else is, and it’s not harming your child I can’t see an issue. I fail to believe that a toddler is insightful enough to be bothered by or reflect on the different reactions or actions of the relative on anything other than the moment… so don’t overthink.

This is good for your child. You say it might be confusing because this kid isn't reacting the way your DC expects, so now your DC is learning by experience that people have different ways and is developing their social skills by learning to adapt to the other person. I work with preschool children we look to see if a child can both lead and follow in play. Younger children tend to follow, but your DC is learning to lead which will really benefit them when playing with older children.

All that said, if your toddler isn't enjoying the play time it's ok to limit it, maybe just make it very occasional.

Just adding I think YABU with your title, it's dramatic and doesn't even make sense. Playing with a child of different needs isn't something that should only be done as a therapy.