To want to change our employee's working rota for the sake of her son?

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

We have an employee who is fairly new - she started about 3 months ago.
She has a son of pre-school age who she has given to his father to bring up, despite the fact that she apparently has a restraining order on her XP, and has been late for work a couple of times when she has had to collect the boy and take him to nursery because his father has been arrested. She still maintains that the child will be better off with the father

She mentioned a few days ago that she has the boy on Wednesday nights, and alternate weekends. She always brings him to work with her when she has him. Now this in itself is not a problem (I have done it many times myself over the years), but our business is training racehorses, and as you can imagine not the safest environment for a pre-schooler whose mother spends most of her working evening on her phone organising her Saturday night clubbing whilst the child wanders all over the yard, in and out of stables etc. When I discovered that she has him alternate weekends, I realised that her weekend to have him co-incides with her weekend to work (she works every other weekend). In the interests of the child spending some time with his mother, rather than just being dragged in to work whenever she had him, I suggested to DH that we offer her the opposite weekend, so she didn't have to bring him to work with her and they could actually spend more quality time together - I thought she might appreciate the suggestion.
She declined, on the basis that she 'wouldn't have any time to herself'. FFS, she only looks after him 3 nights a fortnight. This poor kid looks completely lost. I thought he was about 2, because he hardly speaks, just wanders around with either a dummy or a Fruit Shoot stuck in his mouth, but in fact he is 4 and starting school in Sept. The mother isn't some young girl - she is in her late 20s and whilst I would never, ever dictate to someone how to raise their child, I think this one could benefit from a bit more attention. I think this regardless of the gender of the parent, as DH's father was the same, and I have nothing but contempt for the way he practically ignored the children he helped to create. Maybe it is the knowledge of DH's relationship with his father that drives me on - I don't want to interfere, but would like to maximise this child's opportunities of some time with his mother.

God, that was long-winded.

"as you can imagine not the safest environment for a pre-schooler whose mother spends most of her working evening on her phone organising her Saturday night clubbing whilst the child wanders all over the yard, in and out of stables etc"

err

Why are you letting her do this?

Surely she is there to work

(says cd who is being paid to work and is on mn )

You sound like a lovely employer but if she doesn't want to swap weekends, there's little you can do except involve outside agencies if you believe the child is being neglected. It sounds as though he is, to an extent, but whether it would be "enough" for SS to get involved I don't know. Poor kid - sounds like neither parent is any better than the other.

Obviously, the safety issue at the yard is paramount - both for the child, and maybe for others too if he does something dangerous while unsupervised. I think you have to approach her about this and lay down the law ...... for a start, she should be extremely thankful that you allow employees to bring their kids to work ..... this is employee gold dust and she should be made to realise that it can only continue if she takes full responsibility for her son.

I also agree with CD, not only is she taking risks with her boy's safety, she is also taking the piss if she's organising her social life when she should be working.

Hm. You can play softball (try and involve the child in your family) or hardball (tell this woman that you pay her for her full attention and that she works the other weekends or she loses her job). What your children do is probably irrelevant - how old are they? I doubt they are preschoolers.

Having said that, get a bit of employment law advice either way. Forget whether you like her, is she actually any good at her job? I can't see how she would be, tbh.

you sound like a fab boss any jobs going

"as you can imagine not the safest environment for a pre-schooler whose mother spends most of her working evening on her phone organising her Saturday night clubbing whilst the child wanders all over the yard, in and out of stables etc"

CD this is the bit that jumped out at me as well. GOHW are you happy with her work generally?? If she isn't even bothering to supervise her child is she bothering to do her job properly?

I think as her employer it's not your responsibility to help her arrange her childcare around her rota, even though that's the nice human thing to do. You offered, she declined, that's the end of it really. It depends how involved you want to get in her life beyond being her employer.

But I do feel for that child.

If it were up to me, I would tell her to fuck off. I don't want her working here anyway. She takes the piss, and I have walked in on a conversation this evening between 2 highly-regarded members of staff (who are never late, work hard, get on well with everyone) and they were complaining about her, and I have never heard either of them utter a bad word about anyone.
Unfortunately, DH calls the shots, and he is letting her away with murder atm. However, I will be warning him tonight that he may have mutiny on his hands if he doesn't do something about it all.
I cannot take the credit for being a lovely employer - I am good to you if you are worth it, but I hate piss-takers. Her feet wouldn't touch the ground if it was up to me.

I'm getting your name.
No, of course you're right.

I don't understand why your DH is "calling the shots" about this ?? Nor why he would be keen to retain an employee who a) isn't pulling their weight and b) risking the safety of all by allowing their child to run about unsupervised ?

Your children wandering around the yard and hers are two totally different things, she will sue you if anything happens to her child but for yours that is their home. You do need to get ough with your DH and also maybe contact your insurance company so you have official backup about why the child should not be there.

Update...
Yesterday it came to a head over this girl. I was watching racing on TV, and there she was in the background trailing around behind DH in her heels and handbag (obviously not doing much work...again). As I mentioned before, the staff at work that evening were quite put out that they were short-handed as many of our staff had taken horses racing (we had runners at several meetings) and yet madam was strutting around the races quite obviously doing nothing on the pretence that she was 'helping' DH with one horse we had doing a racecourse gallop after racing had finished. I sent DH a sarcastic text asking him if he was going to hold her handbag whilst she helped with the horses, so he got the tone of my attitude before he came home. When he got back I laid it all out for him - that he would have mutiny on his hands if he wasn't careful, the girl is seriously taking the piss, she has been here only about 3 months and thinks she can do whatever she likes without any prior dispensation and how he would have issued warnings to any of the other staff if they had behaved as she has. Incredibly, he continued to defend her, saying she was helping, and listing all the things she had done to help at the races, which sounded like a long list of tasks, but in reality would have taken approximately 5 minutes to complete. He just has a blind spot where she is concerned, so now I'm playing hardball. She will not bring her child to work unless it is an emergency, she will not be paid for going racing because she was having a jolly day out when she should have been here working, she will be docked if she is more than 5 minutes late into work, and she will not be allowed to even go racing until she sorts out her racing pass (a pass that allows access to racecourse stables). That's another point - if she hasn't bothered to apply for her pass after 3 months, she shouldn't be allowed to go racing because without access to the stables, WTF else is she doing there? Not working, that's for sure.
The gloves are off now, she has properly rubbed me up the wrong way.

Have you checked your insurance re having employees' very young children in the stables etc?

Good for you.

Good for you.

I'd be inclined to consider dismissing her altogether at this stage tbh. If she's only been there 3 months she has no rights whatsoever and if she's this rubbish so early on in her employment I can't see it getting better - she should be trying hard to please at this stage.

DH will not dismiss her because he needs staff who can ride, and they are pretty thin on the ground in these parts. Plus he knew her before she came to work here, so she'll be staying put, I guarantee it. BUT she will be toeing the line from now on.

She is a stable girl, like all the others. The only person around here who has the right to carry on like she has, is me

Grumpy, your last post screams (to me) be careful and watch your back when it comes to this woman. Sorry maybe I am being over the top, but keep an eye on her please she could be after your man.

"He was defending her", sorry but the same here. Has she got her claws in your DH? they may deny it, but for goodness sake don't let them be alone together.
Can't you just sack her anyway? is she still on probation?.
Lots of alarm bells ringing.

Oh I'm pretty sure she has ideas about DH and I don't trust her an inch.
He, on the other hand, can be trusted and it doesn't worry me in that respect.
I'm no mug, anyway, and know the signs. Unfortunately, DH has an increasingly high 'desirability factor' the more successful and well-known he becomes. Par for the course, but he is married to a tigress

a grumpy tigress, what's more .

Well done you, though it's all a bit sad really, and probably the bottom line is that the kid's going to have a bit of a crap time, shoved from pillar to post. Still v at the father having residence when she's got a restraining order against him...

Just a thought - and I know she probably won't take you up on it - but wondered if you could 'take an interest' in him - ask her to bring him on her w/e off and give him a ride (presume your kids have ponies), help muck out etc