A small world is a good thing

[Vergus]

I think the more people you allow into your “circle,” the more trouble and strife you get. Over the last few years I’ve allowed people to get close, to see me at my friendliest (both at work and personally.) On a professional level I’ve regretted it because the majority have turned out to be self- serving, power hungry twats. On a personal level I’m now being ghosted by someone who up until this point in time has been lovely and cheerful and affectionate. I’m not without my flaws but I like to think I’m not a mean person and I am quite frankly fucking fed up with selfish dicks who trample roughshod over my good will.

I think most people smile and lead you hand in hand down the garden path only to stab you in the back, abandon you at the bottom
of the metaphorical garden in the pissing rain and/or fuck you over in some way. Usually for their own ego trip.

I hate it. I hate people who I’ve been nothing but open and nice to only to have them do the dirty on me. I don’t trust people to do nice things and behave like grown ups any more. It’s much safer and more pleasant if you have a small world that you can control and then you don’t have to suffer any miscellaneous fuckwittery from individuals who you probably should have kept at arm’s length anyway.

So I’m closing the door now and everyone who plans to be a total twat can do one. I don’t need that shit in my life - I’ve got three really close friends and a loving family. Not my circus, not my monkey!

Anyone else had this revelation? I feel better already. I am going to hoard my energy and resources and time from hereon in

I am not a 'lots of friends' person, but having moved to a new area, I do wonder where exactly you meet knew people if not at work or your hobbies?

I was bullied dreadfully at school, but that was over 30 years ago. I've had a small number of amazing friends but they are not living near, now.

I find it rather sad that if I, as a relatively shy adult, feel that if many people are like some PPS on here, metaphorically putting bags on seats and turning their backs on anyone new, I'll simply retreat.

I can't 'compartmentalise' when I no longer have a circle, and if nobody will let me in, will I live on the outside, here, forever?

I don't want a billion friends, but I find the 'outsider' mentality actually can be very damaging to those of us who don't have the luxury of holing up with the same group of people for our whole lives.

excuse me for not quoting properly
The stupid MN swiping thing means that I can't copy & paste things that I wanted to highlight from posts - I do wish they'd get rid of that.

@Vergus you've mentioned having a small world that you can control. Actually, nothing is really within our control in terms of how people behave. I was let down by very long-term friends and that's just life I guess.

The rest of what you've said isn't really about having a small world is it? It's more about feeling angry that people have been crap. Which I understand. I do also understand your "closing the doors" sentiment. Depending on how old you are, you might find life changes and you have to open doors in future or you want to open doors in future. Regardless, you don't need anyone's permission to do what you want in this way.

@ObelixtheGaul I know what you mean about not compartmentalising because you don't have the choice. I have moved relatively recently. I think trying to make friends in the current landscape is very different than even 10 years ago.

I hope you do find people who have "open doors". it's been a long journey for me, the loss of friends and everything that goes with it.

So at the beginning of that, I would have said I'm not compartmentalising.

But I've grown into having a quiet life, so I do compartmentalise in the sense that I wouldn't make an effort for people who weren't local, I don't think. I no longer worry about work barriers (for a range of reasons) but I work all over and I don't want to be commuting to socialise with people who might not be good friends anyway.

It's all sheer luck because the main friend I've made since moving here is now looking at moving away!