To be sick of my mothers emotional manipulation

[Pembrokecrier]

Yet another call with one word answers because I only called up once this week.

This is 2 weeks after she was taken on an all expenses paid holiday.

She lives alone but is not in ill health.

AIBU to be fed up with terse phone calls, passive aggressive comments and just general self obsession. Maybe all 77 year olds are like this !!

You are not being unreasonable.

I don't try to pull sulkers (including my mother, and she's a champion) out of sulks.

Leave her to it. Don't ring again, until you hear from her. And if she starts in with the recriminations when you do, cut the call off, and tell her to call when she's prepared to have a proper, civil, courteous, conversation.

She sounds a proper spoilt brat, truth to tell, her cup overflowing with the nectar of self entitlement.

@mbosnz There is a bit of that, all her ‘sacrifices’ need to be paid for in blood sweat and tears !

Well, that's the last holiday you take her on, OP. If she's rude to you afterwards, then learn your lesson from that.

You need to give her a self help book about emotional maturity, including how not to rely on your adult children for emotional support and to let them get on with their own lives whilst you get on with yours😊

@ShiftingSand I can only imagine the reaction. My mother is quite proud of the fact she never reflects on her own behaviour 😅

Your mother and my mother would get on a treat. Mine is 87.

Tell me, does your mother enjoying a rousing game of 'get people to offer me what I want so I don't have to debase myself by asking'? It's one of my mothers' favourites. Silly her, she very gleefully told DH and me what she very consciously does, once, and has found it singularly unsuccessful with us ever since. Much to her chagrin. . .

No, all 77 year olds are not like this.

I would just wind up the call if she’s sulking. “You don’t seem to be in the mood for a chat. Give me a ring when you are”.

No it’s more of the hold a massive grudge for 10 years or me because someone let you get the bus in the rain type of behaviour.

Just be upfront - 'Mum, I can't be doing with the sulking, call me when you want to have a proper chat' and then leave her to it.

That’s an interesting perspective on her part😂 no self reflection = positive 😂

I know! It was said with so much pride. Along with never apologising and admitting you are wrong to your children. Thinking it is one thing but I could believe she would admit to it. Mum !!!!!

Let her stew in her own juice for a few days. Then the next time you call, if you get the monosyllabic replies just say cheerfully: "Oh, seems like you don't feel like a chat right now, we'll talk later. Byeeee!" and put the phone down.

Couldn’t be doing with it. One words answers? Ok mum sounds like you don’t want to talk today so I’ll go as I gave stuff to do. Give me a ring when you are ready

phone down and wait for her call

Treat the passive aggressive behaviour on face value.
As pp have said, " Don't feel like talking today? No worries ring when you feel up to it'".

Agree with the previous posters, one word answers = you leave the conversation with an understanding youre not in the mood to talk that’s fine phone me when you are byee.

The penny will drop. Once she realises youre on to her, she will likely ramp up the guilt by saying You didn't speak to me and I was unwell (or something to get youre sympathy/her power over you restored).

So be prepared to have an answer for that.
I’d suggest an “if only I’d known I just presumed you weren’t in the mood for a chat” type breezy response.

When they get old they seem to start behaving like children for some reason. Selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative children. It’s really irritating.

I have heard "love means never having to say you're sorry". No, that makes no sense in any relationship and is nothing but an excuse for never apologising. Plus it simaltaneously manages to twist any-non apology into an apparent demonstration of love. Bonkers!

My mom and older sister used to be like this OP. One day, I stopped pandering to it.
Best way to treat a sulker is to completely ignore them. And when they eventually contact you pretending nothing happened, act the same. Like nothing happened.
Its like dealing with a small child… ignore bad behaviour and reward good 😂

Yes tiring op. Mine 80s. All well til things dont go her way. We dont bring her away too exhausting ha