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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit old at 32

26 replies

Freakedoutandannoyed · 17/05/2025 09:05

It’s my birthday soon - 32 and I’m feeling a bit sad and reflective about it all. It’s starting to feel a bit like doors are shutting on me and my biological clock is ticking. Feeling a bit panicked. Any wise words?

OP posts:
justkeepswimingswiming · 17/05/2025 09:24

Well if you want kids - your right you don’t have to much time left. Other than that YABU.

justkeepswimingswiming · 17/05/2025 09:25

Well if you want kids - your right you don’t have to much time left. Other than that YABU.

Butthechildrentheylovethebooks · 17/05/2025 09:30

You're really not old...but you'll probably only realise that when you are even older and look back at being 32 iyswim. And you have at least 10 years (assuming no issues) to have children so don't panic.

Didimum · 17/05/2025 09:38

You are young – though you won’t appreciate that for some time, and that’s understandable. You can only experience life linearly.

I have to say I did used to very much believe ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ etc (and honestly, still don’t think it’s anything to really fret over), I can now see that the dating pool of men really does dramatically shrink by the time a woman is in her early 30s. Most people do get coupled up (for better or worse) in their late 20s, and women aren’t letting go of good men – there are few of them out there and they are being firmly held onto.

That’s not to say the situation is terrible, I think you just have to date with more intent and with more intelligence. Don’t let your standards drop, know your worth and sift out shitty people immediately, tune into red flags and don’t ignore them, don’t try to fix anyone or give anyone second chances. Don’t get hung up on qualities you might find attractive but are essentially meaningless.

When it comes to career, 30s can be a really exciting and fruitful time, especially if you aren’t bogged down in babies and small kids. Do you find ‘doors shutting’ for you there?

Original poster
Freakedoutandannoyed · 17/05/2025 10:00

Honestly my career is where I’d dreamed of and I think that’s why I’m so baffled and how I’m feeling. A bit worried I’ve sought after this to the detriment of other things. There’s been some family arguments etc so maybe things are just weighing on me at the moment.

OP posts:
CeciliaMars · 17/05/2025 10:05

You're not old but you need to get on with having a baby! I started trying at 32 (didn't meet my hubby till age 30), and because we needed IVF, I didn't have my first baby till I was over 36. But in every other respect, you are still very young!

WhatNoRaisins · 17/05/2025 10:09

Young and old are somewhat relative, to an 18 year old you're old, to an 80 year old you're young.

That being said it's not a bad idea to take stock of where you are in life and where you'd like to be in terms of relationships and children in the next 5 years or so.

HoskinsChoice · 17/05/2025 14:40

Wise words? Mine would be to stop whining. FFS, you're early 30's, you have most of your life to live. Get on and enjoy it instead of trying to find things to whinge and be miserable about.

user101101 · 17/05/2025 14:45

You’ll be even older in 10 years time so make the most of it

Tupelobound · 17/05/2025 14:46

HoskinsChoice · 17/05/2025 14:40

Wise words? Mine would be to stop whining. FFS, you're early 30's, you have most of your life to live. Get on and enjoy it instead of trying to find things to whinge and be miserable about.

This, honestly 32 is not "running out of time" to have a baby. Contrary to popular myth, it has been well proven that fertility does not drop off a cliff or dissappears after 35.

I got pregnant easily at 34 and 37 and don't feel old or past it. My advice would be to enjoy your life and take pleasure in the things you enjoy.

AntiHop · 17/05/2025 14:49

Are you in a relationship with someone you want to have a family with?

I had my kids at 37 and 43. I would have liked to have them a bit younger, but couldn't financially.

Original poster
Freakedoutandannoyed · 17/05/2025 15:46

HoskinsChoice · 17/05/2025 14:40

Wise words? Mine would be to stop whining. FFS, you're early 30's, you have most of your life to live. Get on and enjoy it instead of trying to find things to whinge and be miserable about.

Wow how sympathetic. Considering even on this thread there’s been crack on now vs you have plenty of time, is it a surprise that things are on my mind?!

OP posts:
GroovyChick87 · 17/05/2025 16:03

I feel a bit like this but I'm a bit older. I know I'm not " old" but I'm definitely not young anymore. I can't stay up late anymore as I'm knackered. I changed after I got to 35. I have finished having kids but a friend of mine had her first at 36 (though sadly after several losses). If you want kids and are in a position to have them, then prioritise that. There's still time left but if there are any undiagnosed fertility issues, you risk running out of time.

ThatNimblePeer · 17/05/2025 16:54

The way to deal with these feelings is to make a concrete plan for how you are going to optimise your chances for getting what you want, within a certain time frame. You’re not old for most things but for having kids there is a time limit for women, unfortunately. Don’t put yourself down for having a good career - financial stability is one of the prerequisites of having kids (as well as being great in lots of other ways!! How many people can say that they’ve got their dream job? Congratulations to you!)

I’m taking it from what you say that you’re not yet in a relationship with someone you want to have kids with, so make a plan for how you can optimise your chances of making that happen. Get on the apps, say yes to every social invitation, pursue hobbies that will introduce you to the kind of man you want to meet. And have fun with it. Don’t sit in your room feeling sad.

ZebraPrintt · 17/05/2025 16:58

I'm 32 and had a baby 9 months ago, I don't feel old and will be having another in a few years time. Not sure what to say to make you feel differently but don't panic, my friends had a baby at 40 and are trying for another

KimberleyClark · 17/05/2025 17:01

It’s my birthday soon too - I will be exactly twice your age. My life has never been better. Get out there and live yours.

ZebraPrintt · 17/05/2025 17:01

ZebraPrintt · 17/05/2025 16:58

I'm 32 and had a baby 9 months ago, I don't feel old and will be having another in a few years time. Not sure what to say to make you feel differently but don't panic, my friends had a baby at 40 and are trying for another

Just to add I'm glad I'm waited to have a baby. I loved my job and didn't think I'd enjoy being a mum as much but I love it so much!! I'm not bothered about my career now and I've got that out of the way for now, I'm going back to a different job so it fits around my son better because he's my priority. Some of my friends had baby's really young and although the have their lives back a bit now, I'm glad I waited and focused on my career while I was younger. People have babies much later now, don't feel guilty for whatever works best for you

Onelifeonly · 17/05/2025 17:06

Make plans, don't regret what you haven't yet achieved. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life etc etc. A birthday may just be a good time to take stock, that's all. Time marches on for all of us.

MinPinSins · 17/05/2025 17:15

You definitely aren't old, and the world is very much at your feet, but the biological clock is real!

Someone above said you have 10 years to have a child. That's not really true. I believe for women who try to have a baby at 40, around 50% are successful. If you're unlucky enough to be the 1/7 who struggle to concieve, the success rates of fertility treatment goes down significantly as you age.

Of course, by far the most likely outcome is that you won't have any issues, but if having a child is of utmost importance, I would be either ttc-ing now, or if that's not an option, working on arranging my life so that it is.

Lesina · 17/05/2025 17:19

Agree with the having children point, it does get harder as you get older. I had my first at 26 and went through menopause early so my fertility was on the decline by 30 - fully post menopausal at 37… so my advise is crack on with that. On the other hand for everything else you are still a youngster. I started skiing at 50 became a ski instructor at 55 and have just started scuba diving and sailing :) plenty of life a head if you :)

LavenderBlue19 · 17/05/2025 17:26

Are you in a relationship with someone you think would be a good father? If not then you need to get on with that, but otherwise you've got ages. Almost all my friends had their children after 32. One is due her first soon at 42 (got married last year).

S0j0urn4r · 17/05/2025 17:26

Freeze your eggs?

Original poster
Freakedoutandannoyed · 17/05/2025 17:31

I am in a relationship with someone, but I think they aren’t ’ready’ yet. I think tough words need to be said :(

OP posts:
ThatDaringEagle · 20/05/2025 16:14

Ah yes, youth is wasted on the young.

Oh to be 32 again!!

P.s. & I don't mean 64... ;)

WhatNoRaisins · 20/05/2025 18:12

I think as you get older you do have to be more picky with men that aren't ready if children are something you want.