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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to go on holiday due to DH snoring

38 replies

CoCoaButter85 · 17/05/2025 05:31

I will be 20 weeks pregnant and my husband snores, especially when he has a drink. We sleep at separate bedrooms at home as we both have different routines and he suffers from insomnia so decided it will just be easier for both of us. I didn't book 2 rooms just to save some money but asked for twin beds.

However, we are in a hotel now for an event taking place today. He had few glasses to drink and only was really snoring when accidentally rolled on his back. But it wound me up and I might have got 2 hours of sleep only. We need to be up in 30min.

I am dreading that this is how I will end up during our holiday. I checked second room and I can't really afford the price (the holiday is in just over a week). I am not really sure what options do I have apart from staying at home. We can't cancel the holiday now, it won't be refunded. I just don't want to spend a week without sleep.

OP posts:
Debbie196 · 17/05/2025 17:02

My husband was the same, keeping me awake for decades. Tried all kinds of nose strips, ear plugs, special pillows, elbow in the back etc. to no avail. I hated him drinking because I knew how bad his snoring would be that night. He eventually saw his GP and has been diagnosed with sleep apnoea. Now has a CPAP machine which he uses every night. He’s feeling less tired himself, and I find the noise of the machine doesn’t bother me at all. Sleep apnoea can be dangerous so worth getting checked out.

Hankunamatata · 17/05/2025 17:14

I wear foam earplugs and white noise sleep face mask/head band. Utter bliss

Turmerictolly · 17/05/2025 17:46

We book a two bed villa or Air B n B.

Sandflea9900 · 17/05/2025 19:46

Debbie196 · 17/05/2025 17:02

My husband was the same, keeping me awake for decades. Tried all kinds of nose strips, ear plugs, special pillows, elbow in the back etc. to no avail. I hated him drinking because I knew how bad his snoring would be that night. He eventually saw his GP and has been diagnosed with sleep apnoea. Now has a CPAP machine which he uses every night. He’s feeling less tired himself, and I find the noise of the machine doesn’t bother me at all. Sleep apnoea can be dangerous so worth getting checked out.

I second this. DH also used to snore and has also now been diagnosed with sleep apnea. Having a cpap machine has given both of us better sleep!

Goodgrashus · 17/05/2025 19:57

Separate rooms or the snorer sleeps on a mattress in the bathroom

PrincessOfPreschool · 17/05/2025 21:29

Goodgrashus · 17/05/2025 19:57

Separate rooms or the snorer sleeps on a mattress in the bathroom

Yeah, on our 20th wedding anniversary I braved a night in a hotel with DH as I thought one night would be ok. I ended up 'sleeping' in the bathroom, in the (very small) bath with headphones on maximum volume - rainstorm. I finally forced him to swap at about 5.30am for 2 hours. He said, "We shared sleeping the bathroom." 🙄

SleeplessInWherever · 17/05/2025 21:35

CoCoaButter85 · 17/05/2025 05:38

@FuglyBitch - unfortunately he won't do this. There's no point asking him.

He won’t drink less for his pregnant partner to get some rest?

Bin.

AffableApple · 17/05/2025 21:46

CoCoaButter85 · 17/05/2025 05:38

@FuglyBitch - unfortunately he won't do this. There's no point asking him.

That's awful. You're pregnant. Shaping up to be a great father as well as an awesome husband with this attitude. Go without him.

Beautifulweeds · 18/05/2025 00:59

Nose stripes or nose plugs! Meanwhile ear plugs xxx

GoodWorkSally · 18/05/2025 02:10

I second this. DH also used to snore and has also now been diagnosed with sleep apnea. Having a cpap machine has given both of us better sleep!

I haven't read the whole thread, but this has been a significant issue during our 40 year marriage. My husband snores fit to wake the dead. In hotels we've even had people knocking on the door or adjoining wall to get him to shut the fuck up.
It wasn't just the snoring, it was when he stopped breathing because of his throat constriction and I felt like I had to stay awake to nudge him to make him wake up and breathe again. Putting on weight in middle age made it worse.
Eventually got him to go have a sleep study and he was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Got a cpap machine, which made a huge difference.

For a short time.

The bloody thing slips off his nose in the night and shoots off a blast of air that whistles past my ear and in my face. It's like a Jumbo Jet in reverse thrust and a massive hissing noise. He has one that just covers his nose so he has to keep his mouth shut or the air just shoots out of his mouth. So he got a chin strap but that's not very efficient. So I still find myself having to nudge him awake to shut his mouth. I've even offered to sellotape up his mouth so it stays closed. Bless him he suggested duct tape might be more efficient. Think that was a joke though :( The machine itself makes a constant humming noise too.

So cpap has been a revelation for him (even though some air escapes, there's still enough to keep his throat open so he sleeps) but not really much help for me.

We try to book holiday places where we can have separate rooms, failing that, ALWAYS twin beds in a hotel room. Just being 3 feet away from the prevailing wind can make it more ignorable. Also listening to Audible on headphones shuts out the hissing if I can relax into it enough.

I have friends who cannot understand how I/we could possibly be happy sleeping apart. One friend in particular says she has never slept apart from her husband in 30 years and finds our situation all very sad. In fact, when she had a hip operation and was in pain, they were so loathe to be apart that he slept on the floor beside their bed so she wasn't alone (despite there being 2 available empty beds in their 4 bedroom home.) Another friend with a similarly (but less chronic) snoring husband tolerates it because to sleep apart feels to her like failing him, and it not being a normal state of affairs, I mean, what would the neighbours think!? Do they think we have a shit marriage?

I've got past all that and so has dh. The secret to coping with the ups and downs of life is getting enough restful sleep. However you manage to do that is different for everyone. Not sleeping in the same bed does not mean that you don't have sex. It doesn't mean you don't love each other. It doesn't mean you've grown apart. It's simply the sensible answer for non compatible sleepers.

TheHerboriste · 18/05/2025 02:24

WisePearlPoet · 17/05/2025 09:38

I would book 2 AirBnBs in 2 separate countries. That should do it

Agree.

A selfish inconsiderate boozer doesn’t sound like much of a catch.

LaDamaDeElche · 18/05/2025 09:01

You may be better seeing if you can change the twin for a double as if he does snore it’s easier to give him a dig and tell to turn on his side. If you have to get up to do that or shout to wake him up it’s going to disturb you more. My DP snores at some points of the night, usually when he’s really knackered, and I just prod him and say turn on your side and we all go back to sleep.

BoredOfCbeebies · 18/05/2025 09:26

I find the silicone ear plugs not perfect but pretty good at blocking snoring. That said, he should be able to give up drinking for a week to support his pregnant wife (who can't drink for 9 months!) - very small concession on his part www.superdrug.com/health/first-aid/ear-plugs/superdrug-silicone-earplugs-x3/p/771494

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