Are younger parents stricter?

[Breadandsticks]

I had my first at the age of 20 and my second in my mid 30s. My friend is trying for another baby in her late 30s (she had 1 in her early 20s) and she says that she feels that she is ready to actually parent, whereas she felt that with her first, she was in survival mode. She is a great mum and her kid is so polite and amazing, she has their best interest at heart but is also strict – we actually have quite similar parenting styles.

As a joke, I said that I think being slightly older with my second, I feel so much more relaxed, I am flexible with work so I’m more involved, and then I said I feel like when you’re in your 20s we don’t have time for BS so we are pretty strict with our children. Whereas I wonder if I will be a gentler parent now. I called it the grandma effect, personally my mum is so much gentle with my kids then she was when mothering me.

It made me wonder if younger parents are a little more strict- just because you juggle so much. Whilst being a parent after your mid 30s, where you may feel a little more fulfilled creates a gentler parent.

I’ve actually found the opposite to be true in my own experience & with my own mum friends, it is the older mums who are the strictest

From experience, The Grandma effect is nothing to do with age. Its to do with not having all the responsibility all the time, knowing matters of discipline are outside of your job description, and your shift has an end in sight.

I don't think it's that you have any more 'nltime for BS'. I think it's the confidence in your judgement that comes with age. Recognising that it's ok to pick your battles and not to sweat the small stuff.

Wish someone told my mam she was supposed to be softer and gentler as she aged, she had me in her late 30's and was an absolute demon. Deffo softer on my older sister. I was a menace though so maybe my sister was just easier.

Yes, exactly. There are grandmas who are younger than I was when I had my DS (just shy of 40), and I think it’s nothing to do with age, it’s the fact that this isn’t your child. You get to enjoy them and hand them back.

I only have one child, and was an older mother, but I definitely think that having had twenty adult years to pursue work, fun, travel, moving countries at the drop of a hat, I was a more relaxed parent than I would have been at 25, because I was senior enough to be very flexible at work, and had done a lot of things I’d wanted to, so taking some time out to be attuned to a baby wasn’t any particular sacrifice. Plus I know myself far better.

I think it's all subjective. I had my kids in my 20s, and I thought I was a pretty strict parent. But now they're adults and they tell me I wasn't strict at all! Apparently because I didn't ground them or have strict limits on gaming like some of their friends did. But they were all pretty good kids, didn't do anything that I thought warranted being grounded and while they did play on their xbox/PlayStation it wasn't for hours and they had plenty of other activities that took up most of their time. They went to bed at a reasonable time, got their schoolwork done and just didn't get into any trouble. They only thing I ever had to pull them up on was a bit of teenage rudeness/cheekiness which usually involved me saying 'Who do you think you're speaking to'? and them looking a bit sheepish and apologising! In essence, I think you parent to the kids you've got - some kids push boundaries a bit more and need a tougher approach!